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Old 01-19-2006, 08:50 AM   #1
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Destea HB User
Social Poll... what do you think?

I figure this is the best way to find out what most people think of this scenario... so here goes.

Say you have a fairly close-knit group of friends (say - 6 - 8 of you) who you primarily met through your S.O. Now, if the group of you (or at least 6 of you) go out roughly 3 to 4 times a month together to have large drinking nights hanging out at bars to be in eachothers company, yet you typically only had 1 or 2 drinks while everyone else typically has 4 or more, would you offer to buy rounds? Females, I'd especially like to hear from you.

Back story is my boyfriend pointed out that I never buy rounds for the group (and typically we all just split the bill if it's one tab so I don't see what the problem is) personally, while he or his other male friend may occasionally (not even once a month) offer to buy a round. I typically only buy drinks for those I'm hanging with in a very small intimate group or my boyfriend. If I'm with one of the girls from the group at the bar I'll pick her ups or vice versa, but I've never gone up to all 6 or 8 people and said "ROUND ON ME". Apparently one of his friends pointed this out to him and he noticed it to. I'd like to mention this friends girlfriend (who is now a good friend of mine) also never buys rounds but isn't being hassled about it. Yet when I tell him I prefer to not buy rounds much at all unless it's one or two people because typically I don't drink nearly as much as anyone else and eventually I'd feel taken advantage of.

Anyway... just curious. What is your opinion? If you were in this situation, going out very frequently, would you buys rounds or typically just either split the bill between everyone and/or just buy drinks for your self and those immediately next to you...?

Seems a silly thing to argue about to me, but I do find it annoying that he brought it up as I've always been fair about splitting bills or grabbing dinner just as often as he has

Thanks for the input!

 
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Old 01-19-2006, 09:27 AM   #2
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StenoLady1 HB UserStenoLady1 HB User
Re: Social Poll... what do you think?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Destea
I figure this is the best way to find out what most people think of this scenario... so here goes.

Say you have a fairly close-knit group of friends (say - 6 - 8 of you) who you primarily met through your S.O. Now, if the group of you (or at least 6 of you) go out roughly 3 to 4 times a month together to have large drinking nights hanging out at bars to be in eachothers company, yet you typically only had 1 or 2 drinks while everyone else typically has 4 or more, would you offer to buy rounds? Females, I'd especially like to hear from you.

Back story is my boyfriend pointed out that I never buy rounds for the group (and typically we all just split the bill if it's one tab so I don't see what the problem is) personally, while he or his other male friend may occasionally (not even once a month) offer to buy a round. I typically only buy drinks for those I'm hanging with in a very small intimate group or my boyfriend. If I'm with one of the girls from the group at the bar I'll pick her ups or vice versa, but I've never gone up to all 6 or 8 people and said "ROUND ON ME". Apparently one of his friends pointed this out to him and he noticed it to. I'd like to mention this friends girlfriend (who is now a good friend of mine) also never buys rounds but isn't being hassled about it. Yet when I tell him I prefer to not buy rounds much at all unless it's one or two people because typically I don't drink nearly as much as anyone else and eventually I'd feel taken advantage of.

Anyway... just curious. What is your opinion? If you were in this situation, going out very frequently, would you buys rounds or typically just either split the bill between everyone and/or just buy drinks for your self and those immediately next to you...?

Seems a silly thing to argue about to me, but I do find it annoying that he brought it up as I've always been fair about splitting bills or grabbing dinner just as often as he has

Thanks for the input!
LOL...silly thing to argue about? Maybe. Although, there are much worse things to argue about, I suppose. Sorta reminds me of a Seinfeld episode

Okay...feedback. I'm female, married, no kids, so we hang out with friends (both married, dating and single) for Friday happy hour. We don't buy rounds. We have the waitress/waiter leave DH's and my tab next to us, and that's what we pay. We used to take turns weekly paying the entire tab, but it just never worked out fairly. One guy is the worst tipper in the world, so we felt really awkward when it was his week to pay. Another single friend could drink three times as much as the rest of us, so that didn't really work out, either. Also, I need food when I drink...some of the guys didn't, so sometimes our tab included my food. Factor in the fact that sometimes I'd pick up a new client during happy hour, so then it was a business expense and a write-off. After several premium-vodka martinis, I don't want to deal with math, other than figuring out what 20 percent is for a tip. It just works out best for us for each to pay his/her/their own tab.

HTH...looking forward to see what others do!

Lysne

 
Old 01-19-2006, 11:41 AM   #3
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Ruby13 HB User
Re: Social Poll... what do you think?

I'm like you. Good for 2 drinks, maybe 3 if I'm really getting crazy. My friends and I normally only buy rounds when there's 2 or 3 of us for that exact reason. My boyfriend, who's got a bit more of a bar life has a tendency to buy rounds. It drives me crazy. I wish he wouldn't because I think it ends up he spends more money than necessary and when people do that, it kind of speeds up the whole process of getting drun, which really isn't my thing anymore.

I'd say if the guy has an issue with you not buying rounds, he should just not buy you one. I'm sure you can afford you're own 2 drinks.

 
Old 01-19-2006, 11:57 AM   #4
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Destea HB User
Re: Social Poll... what do you think?

Haha, that's what I suggested, "Hey I'm totally fine w/ buying my own drinks and I don't mind if your friends don't include me in rounds - seriously I don't mind!!". Maybe once every 6 months or so I wouldn't dropping 100 bucks on everyone for a round, but typically I'm fine with spending $20 on just me and having what I need. Maybe that's a little cheap or selfish but... what the heck?

He said I was being defensive by explaining my reasons for not wanting to buy rounds. (He wanted me to recognize what he was saying and basically say "hm, yeah you're right I don't really do that, never thought about it before. I'll keep it in mind." but NO, I'm not comfortable doing it and tough!)

:P

 
Old 01-19-2006, 11:58 AM   #5
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Destea HB User
Re: Social Poll... what do you think?

Not to be sexist, but it DOES seem to me it's more of a male tendency to do the 'buying rounds' thing... girls might do it in more inimate situations (w 2 friends at a wine bar or something..) but out at the bar w/ a big group? Just not something I'd ever really think to do I guess?

 
Old 01-19-2006, 12:13 PM   #6
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Social Poll... what do you think?

deleted.
there's just no nice way to put this.
can't lose the wings now,

 
Old 01-19-2006, 01:10 PM   #7
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GypsyArcher HB User
Re: Social Poll... what do you think?

I am done with drinking, but back when I did I would never buy anyone else a drink. When I did go out it would be with a boyfriend, who would always pay for my drinks. Or, failing that, there always seem to be a lot of nice strangers in bars willing to buy drinks for you. So it would be a rare occassion that I would buy myself a drink, and I never would buy a drink for someone else. Man, back when I had my loser ex, I could find guys in bars who would buy drinks for both me AND him.

So not only is your boyfriend giving you crap for not buying drinks for his friends, he doesn't even buy your drinks when you go out? Methinks you gotta work on this one

 
Old 01-19-2006, 01:47 PM   #8
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Destea HB User
Re: Social Poll... what do you think?

No Ruth, really, you don't have to walk on glass around this one, I won't be offended

Gypsy, hehe somehow I expected that kind of response from you. Truthfully from what I've read of your points about your relationship you view a man more like a slave than an equal, so it makes sense you'd expect him to always pay for everything for you. (and if that works for you more power to you! You seem happy with it so there's no judgement in this statement believe me )

I guess I was raised with a more equal mind frame, I enjoy taking my boyfriend out and don't expect him to always buy me drinks. He probably does end up paying for more on the bar nights than I do, but typically I'll at least ask if he'd like something if I'm going to pick anything up at the bar. I don't mind getting drinks for him off and on as long as we're fairly equal about it, but I don't intend to go buying his friends drinks (even if they've since become somewhat my group, too). I certainly don't expect THEM to buy ME drinks!

Last edited by Destea; 01-19-2006 at 01:48 PM.

 
Old 01-19-2006, 03:31 PM   #9
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Re: Social Poll... what do you think?

Darn it, everyone is catching on to me now No, I actually do view a partner as an equal. It is just that I find it attractive when a man wants to treat his lady whenever they go out. It's manly, methinks. My boyfriend takes considerable pride in being able to spoil his woman...and I see nothing wrong with that, what-so-evah I am a frugal person, and left to my own devices would NOT blow much money on recreation, aside from books. So it is nice to have someone who wants to take me out, not that I think I am owed that, but I always make it up to him. And I even buy the occassional round of coffee or lunch.

But yeah, if your friends see that you aren't the round-buying type, and yet they buy you drinks, well then that is their thing. They should be doing it to be generous, not because they expect anything in return.

And if your boyfriend has a problem with that, then you can just tell him where to stick it. (Had to add something, my post was getting too out-of-character).

 
Old 01-19-2006, 03:51 PM   #10
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Destea HB User
Re: Social Poll... what do you think?

Haha, appreciate the feedback. I can definitely understand your point of view, and having grown up in a somewhat 'old fashioned' house hold I have to admit there are times when I wish I was dating someone who would spoil me more. Alas, the guy I've been so nuts about was raised by a Financial Planner Hahah, he's not the spoiling type. He treats sometimes, but as I've said, it's more equal than anything else. It WOULD be nice to feel 'taken care of' once in a while, but it's not something I NEED to have, it's worth sacrificing that and just putting up my end of the spending.

Glad you posted that though, it is nice to see you a little more in character, and I can totally see where you're coming from as it's a secret 'want' of my own to be spoiled once in a while

 
Old 01-19-2006, 05:23 PM   #11
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keepsgoin HB User
Re: Social Poll... what do you think?

I think everyone(or couples) needs to have their own tab...period...end of story. Why should someone that drinks a couple drinks have to pay for people that are drinking a $40 or more tab? Any time I've even gone out with a group, everyone is responsible for their own bill.
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Old 01-20-2006, 12:25 PM   #12
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Re: Social Poll... what do you think?

Quote:
It WOULD be nice to feel 'taken care of' once in a while, but it's not something I NEED to have, it's worth sacrificing that and just putting up my end of the spending.
Well, there is a lot to be said for total independence. I think a lot of the reason my boyfriend liked to buy me drinks was because I was, as I'm sure you can imagine, a lot less annoying when wasted. Haha. So upon closer reflection, maybe it was less of my boyfriend wanting to be a gentleman and more of a "Well, two more shots and she'll be physically unable to walk over to the jukebox and play anymore Meatloaf" strategy.

I remember a few years back when I went out with this guy friend of mine and a few other people. He paid for my buffalo wings and then leaned in to me and said "You can pay me back later - *WINK*" I was like, "Oh, no he didn't." That may have been around the time I started man-hatin'. Okay, I have careened wildly off topic here, sorry. But I love this board because I love hearing different POV's. It takes me out of my own little world, and I believe I just may be growing as a peson.

 
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