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Old 01-19-2006, 10:15 AM   #1
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midblue_alone HB User
Question I just wanna know..What is Marriage ?

what is the real meaning of marriage ? every marriage has ups and downs i know that.I just want to ask all the people who would read this. Do you have to stick to your marriage eventhough you are not enjoying sex with your partner ? My husband is responsible,hard -working,cares for me and my family. What is the most important thing about being married ?
Can you please talk about marriage or your situations with your married life ?

 
Old 01-19-2006, 10:36 AM   #2
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Re: I just wanna know..What is Marriage ?

I see marriage as being more then just sex. It is a relationship with that person. The person you talk to everything about. My Husband and I are Best friends, we share everything with each other. I also think that it is wanting the best for that person and always wanting to see them happy. It is so much more then this.

Maybe you should trying new thing in you sex life. I will admit that sometimes it is not as enjoyable as I would like, but you have to make it. My husband and i have been married almost 6 years and have a baby who is almost a year old.

My husband and I talk about sex and what would make it better for each other. YOu know our likes and dislikes. Personally I don't think that sex is a good reason to get out of a marriage or to get into one for that matter.

 
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Old 01-19-2006, 10:40 AM   #3
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Re: I just wanna know..What is Marriage ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by midblue_alone
what is the real meaning of marriage ? every marriage has ups and downs i know that.I just want to ask all the people who would read this. Do you have to stick to your marriage eventhough you are not enjoying sex with your partner ? My husband is responsible,hard -working,cares for me and my family. What is the most important thing about being married ?
Can you please talk about marriage or your situations with your married life ?

Hey MA -

I really hate to sound like a cop out, but I think this means something different to everyone. EVeryone has different needs and has different expectations from marriage. Some people would be fine without having any sex at all, other people would rather die than be stuck in a marriage without sex. But I think it's really hard to be happy with someone else when you're not happy with yourself first. I think we all need to feel loved and accepted in order to be happy, to feel like we matter to someone, that we have a place in this world, but people can be pretty cold, and without first having some sort of inner compass to tell us what's right and wrong for us, it's easy to get lost. I've never been married, but thought I came close once, and I think the reason why it didn't work is because first, we were both pretty unhappy with out lives at the time, and second, I wasn't strong enough and didn't have enough faith in myself to leave when I knew I should have, and I got hurt much worse than I would have if I had only been true to myself from the very start.

I think first of all, you need to be fully informed. If there is any way you can consult with a lawyer who specializes in immigration and naturalization or if you could just go down to the office of immigration and ask for information, maybe they have a catalog or booklet on what all your options are as far as your ability to continue living and working in the country if you divorce your husband. I think you will feel much happier if you feel you are choosing to stay with your husband because you want to and that's where your heart truly lies, rather than choosing it because you feel you're stuck and have no other options.

 
Old 01-19-2006, 11:23 AM   #4
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Post Re: I just wanna know..What is Marriage ?

thanks for the response...
Yeah i know, i dont have a lot of options here in this country. I am a foreigner here and eventhough i want to work and live alone i cant because i need to have a proper visa and need to have a big amount of money to stay here.
I met my husband year 1999 and i didnt really fell in love with him at first.At that time i just broke up with my bf and my husband now was one of my customer.I was working in a club/pub as a hostess.Hostessing as in serving food and drinks,sing karaoke with them, sit beside them but not hooking ( ***** ) or something like this kind of job. Its like a Karaoke Restaurant where there are girls and if u want that girl u would request her so she would sit beside u something like that.
My hubby now then customer was very kind,generous and very available. I mean whenever i need help he would always be there to help me. I fell in love or i began to like him because of his kindness. Then he asked me to live with him while i work as a hostess and i dont have to pay anything in the house. We started living in together and to make the story short i ask him to marry me coz i cant stay in his country anymore.Back then the immigrations were so strict that they would make raids and catch people who are overstaying in their country.
We got married last 2001 and because he lacks being intimate with me or maybe i needed something I began to had a love affair with another guy.I seriously fell in love with him to the point of leaving my husband and being with the new guy.But my new guy isnt ready enough to start havin a family with me or to have a deeper commitment.To make it short it didntwork and I still find myself stuck with my marriage.
I dont hate my husband.I know he cares for me a lot.i know i have a lot of mistakes of my own.My love affair,lies etc.. if he just knew what ive been doing behind his back.
i know i still care for him.I need him so i can live,buy things that i like,support my family (parents,siblings) back home.I came from a poor family and our country is considered as third world. Theres not much oppurtunity back home.A lot of people doesnt have jobs and people back home has the mentality that if u have an oppurtunity to get out of our country and be able to go to a rich country then you are very lucky. back home,theres no jobs,very low wages,corrupt government etc...

I guess i have to save my marriage for myself,for my husband and for my family back home who needs my financial support. I know I made a lot of sacrifices and maybe this life with my husband is the only thing i can have for now.I have no choice.I cant go anywhere because I camefrom a third world country.Even if i want to go back home I know i would just suffer a lot.No money,no income,no good job for me etc..Id be in a very bad condition out there.I am not use to not havin money of my own anymore. I guess i have to save my marriage and start again,u see i have no options.

Last edited by midblue_alone; 01-19-2006 at 11:26 AM.

 
Old 01-19-2006, 11:34 AM   #5
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Re: I just wanna know..What is Marriage ?

just want to add that sometimes i think of myself like what a waste ..
i have a high sex drive with my partners before and i was really enjoying sex most of the time.But now that i am stuck here with my husband and he is the only mani n my life right now,then i guess it means i wouldnt be havin the same experienced as what i had before.
I told u its not exciting or passionate with him anymore. -that is why im talking like this.
sorry for being so blunt.

 
Old 01-19-2006, 11:55 AM   #6
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Re: I just wanna know..What is Marriage ?

I think the issue in your case is not the lack of sex but the lack of genuine interest by your husband to at least make efforts to do for you. Sex is most definitely not the foundation upon which solid long term relationships are built. However, you have a right to some level of sexual satisfation and intimacy in your mariage and your husband has an obligation to make efforts to provide that. Even if he made genuine efforts, it may not meet the standard you would like to set, but it is that effort in the spirit of working with you that is what you might want to consider. I am not sure anyone should feel forced to be in a marriage with an insen****ve and selfish partner, whether that is over sex or something else.

I think you also feel trapped and that alone can cause very negative feelings.

 
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