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Old 01-19-2006, 12:51 PM   #1
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midblue_alone HB User
What will you do if you are not ...

compatible in bed with your husband or with your wife ? I wanna ask for your opinions and for any advice.

I am not compatible with him and i dont enjoy sex with him anymore. Is it like this for married couples.Is it common to lose interest? We got married on 2001 and it was only the first year that we were a lil bit active in sex. We had sex today after 11 months of not havin. Maybe i wasnt asking for it at those times because i was havin a love affair with another guy but he wasnt inviting me as well.
We had sex today but i wanna be frank to all of u that i didnt really enjoyed it. First,i dont know if i really wanted to have sex.Second, i was still thinking of my ex - love affair.Third, its not that wet. Fourth, it was painful inside coz of not havin sex for a long time and for not havin wet.

We have no baby but he talked to me about it today and he said he want s to have andthat we'll be havin sex from now on.

I need your comments,thankyou.

btw, hes 43 and ill be turning 30.

Last edited by midblue_alone; 01-19-2006 at 12:54 PM.

 
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Old 01-19-2006, 12:53 PM   #2
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Re: What will you do if you are not ...

Does he know of the afffair? I would think if you are having an affair you have bigger problems than wonderimg why it is not "wet".

 
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Old 01-19-2006, 12:55 PM   #3
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Re: What will you do if you are not ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by kalbc311
Does he know of the afffair? I would think if you are having an affair you have bigger problems than wonderimg why it is not "wet".

he doesnt know anything about it and the affair is done.

 
Old 01-19-2006, 01:04 PM   #4
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Re: What will you do if you are not ...

You will never be happy or even be in a genuine mindset to try to make things work if you have thoughts and feeling about your lover. That is very unfair to your husband. Almost no marriage can measure up to the uncommittal passion generated from an adulterous affair. If you had problems in bed before your affair, they will only get worse in your mind as long as you have your affair as a measuring rod.

Very sorry to hear of your problem, and I wish I could express my sympathies to your husband as well.

 
Old 01-19-2006, 01:16 PM   #5
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Re: What will you do if you are not ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Music4All
You will never be happy or even be in a genuine mindset to try to make things work if you have thoughts and feeling about your lover. That is very unfair to your husband. Almost no marriage can measure up to the uncommittal passion generated from an adulterous affair. If you had problems in bed before your affair, they will only get worse in your mind as long as you have your affair as a measuring rod.

Very sorry to hear of your problem, and I wish I could express my sympathies to your husband as well.
i am trying hard to be serious or to have a peaceful life again.To be a normal plain housewife. the problem is me and my ex -bf ( ex love affair ) still has regular communication through e-mails,phones (once in a while ) and we send each others gifts during special occasion.we are like friends but we still care about each other.i dont want to lose him or to avoid contacts with him.if he cant be my partner i want him to be my friend, at least. He still cares for me but hes too far away and i am here in asia.hes young,needs to pursue his dreams and ambitions,and hes not ready for a commitment.i have a lot of issues here myself and its too complicated for us to continue our relationship.But we still care for each other.
a part of me wants to save this marriage because i also care and i need him.
I dont know where id be if this marriage would end,thats the truth. If ihave a lot of money,if i have a proper visa and can go whenever i want to iwill go where my heart belongs to. But i cant because i have a lot of issues and people back home needs my support and my husband cannot take it if id leave him i guess...

I guess this is my life and i have to sacrifice.I want to be happy.I wanna try to start again with my husband and see how it goes.If i am destined to be like this then maybe this is it.

 
Old 01-19-2006, 01:24 PM   #6
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Re: What will you do if you are not ...

You cannot have these connections with your ex lover and be genuinely committed to making yoru marriage work.

You are still cheating in your heart. You are not sacrifycing, you are using your husband to avoid discomfort in your life. Your life with your husband is not happy, but if you left him in order to be true to yourself and to him, you would be in financial problems. So you use his support of you to avoid taking the consequences of being honest with yourself and him.

This is not sacrifice, it is manipulation.

 
Old 01-19-2006, 02:57 PM   #7
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Re: What will you do if you are not ...

An affair can kill a sex drive toward your husband. When I had an affair and was in love with another man, I hated for my husband to even touch me. Might I suggest you seperate from your husband so you can realize that you really do still love this man(your husband) or that you don't love him anymore. I left my husband for another man and now feel very sad about not having my husband as my friend and companion anymore. In all honesty though, I don't miss having sex with him...but I do miss him nonetheless. Anyone considering having an affair out there...DON'T!!!!!! JMHO!!!!! The only way your marriage will have a chance is for you to stop talking to this BF or yours. You cannot have your cake and eat it too! Oh wouldn't I have loved to have a BF and a husband but that's not realistic.
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Last edited by keepsgoin; 01-19-2006 at 03:02 PM.

 
Old 01-19-2006, 06:51 PM   #8
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MysteriousGuy HB User
Re: What will you do if you are not ...

Two people here had has an affiar on their husbands? That's just so sad.

 
Old 01-21-2006, 07:45 AM   #9
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Re: What will you do if you are not ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MysteriousGuy
Two people here had has an affiar on their husbands? That's just so sad.
Yes you are right...it is sad but it's not uncommon. I was one of those people that said I would never ever have an affair! But...I did! Like the old saying goes "never say never and always". So true!
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Old 01-21-2006, 11:23 AM   #10
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midblue_alone HB User
Re: What will you do if you are not ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by keepsgoin
Yes you are right...it is sad but it's not uncommon. I was one of those people that said I would never ever have an affair! But...I did! Like the old saying goes "never say never and always". So true!
i also said that to myself that ill never have an affair. i hate it coz i came from a broken family and know what it's like.But all is said and done.I didnt plan it, just happened. There's a lof of temptation around us and sometimes we cant control it coz we are only human.
Anyway, thanks for posting,appreciate it a lot.

 
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