I wanted to thank you for your post to me and I also wanted to ask you a question. In one of your posts to someone else on another subject, you said that you missed your husband but didn't miss having sex with him. You have warned me about having an affair and told me not to leave my husband because of the mental anguish. I too would probably have my family turn against me if I left my husband and I would indeed miss him. However, I really can't get into loving sex with him. Do you really regret leaving your husband? Do you regret being with your fantasy man? Do you suggest that I stay even though there is no spark for me and there never will be? If your husband wanted to remain friends with you, would you feel better about things?
I can't tell you how to live you life...only say what's happened to me and some warnings. First of all, do you love your husband...if the answer is yes, I would suggest that you make it work with him. If the answer is NO then there's no sense trying to make things work. Another thing, do not ignore the warning signals about your BF if there are any. Pay attention to how he is, what he does and the kind of man he is...etc. Is there any drug or alcohol use that may be a problem. It's so easy to ignore stuff when you feel like you are madly in love with someone. There were things about my BF that I am having problems accepting now but totally ignored them when we were just seeing eachother. Now that we live together and it's "real life", those things are there. Don't get me wrong, he's a very good man and actually he's a more moral man than my husband was. But the fact remains that I really miss my husband and mostly my old boreing life I used to have. I miss the relationship I used to have with my family. Remember that more than likely the passion that you feel with your BF won't last forever and you'll probably be feeling like sex isn't all that great with him at some point too. If I could go back and do it all over again, I would have stayed with my husband. Being friends with my EX doesn't help me to get over leaving him at all. Not talking to him didn't help either. When I was wanting to be with my BF, I didn't care what anyone else thought about it, nothing anyone would say could have changed my mind...I just wanted to do what I thought was going to make me happy. Try to see the future in a practical light. Any other questions?
Thank you for writing, keepsgoin. I do love my husband, but I'm not in love with him and I don't feel any lust or anything chemical for him. Never have, never will. I'm sorry you're not entirely happy. I'm sorry your family is not supporting you. Just because they think you made a bad choice doesn't mean you're a bad person.
I separated from my husband 8 years ago for a couple of months and my family didn't support me either. I told my husband I wasn't in love with him, told him that sometimes I cry after we have sex. I went back because our son was young and I didn't want to ruin his life. There is no fighting in my house. We are not unhappy. I am the one who has the problem. I want to feel something sexually for him. Do I think it's enough to leave him over? I don't know. I want him to be happy and he should be with someone who loves him that way. I am in the second half of my life and trying to sort through everything. I've signed up for college classes, started losing weight, started exercising. I'm trying to find out what makes me tick. I hate being alone and the one thing that scares me is that I don't want to be alone when I'm old.
This man I like has made it clear that nothing will happen until I'm divorced. Not even separated...divorced! He is not pressuring me for anything and has said that he hopes in the future that we could be together but no one is holding their breath. I want to be whole. I don't want to jump from the frying pan into the fire. I wan to be real. I've lived my whole life with my head down and just plowing ahead.
I have a beautiful house, a decent paying job, a husband who loves me and a great kid and everyday I pull up in the driveway I say...you must be out of your f*****g mind to want to give all that up. I talk divorce with my husband. I tell him he should find someone else. He makes a lot of excuses for me and thinks I talk tongue in cheek. He tells me I'm a restless soul and I will never be happy. Maybe he's right.
Thank you again for replying and any more words you can give me will be wonderful.
This sounds exactly how I felt...minus the child...I can't tell you what to do, maybe a divorce will make you realize what you have and how lucky you are to have this and maybe if you are lucky, your husband will take you back.