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Old 01-20-2006, 08:21 AM   #1
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why does this keep happening?

Normally when I start off being with a guy theyre all nice to me and I think maybe this is a chance to really become involved with this person, someone to share things with...but every guy Im with breaks it off after a couple weeks. I have friends who meet someone once and they start dating...it makes me feel like Im not worthy of being loved or something. Why does this happen, why does every guy just want me while Im convenient until they find something better? This has happened so many times, I almost have no hope anymore of finding love. Its like after they have gotten what they can from me physically I cant hold their interest for long, although I dont always have sex with these people. Am I just finding the wrong people or am I just a huge loser who doesnt deserve love or something

 
Old 01-20-2006, 08:28 AM   #2
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Re: why does this keep happening?

digmusic -
No way, you are absolutely not a loser who doesn't deserve love!
Look at it this way, those people weren't right for you, and by leaving your life they are leaving you open to the possibility of meeting someone who is right for you.
Hang in there, remember the old saying that you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince?
It's true......
Enjoy your own company, don't worry about finding someone. It will happen.

 
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Old 01-20-2006, 08:34 AM   #3
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Re: why does this keep happening?

Quote:
Originally Posted by digmusic
Normally when I start off being with a guy theyre all nice to me and I think maybe this is a chance to really become involved with this person, someone to share things with...but every guy Im with breaks it off after a couple weeks. I have friends who meet someone once and they start dating...it makes me feel like Im not worthy of being loved or something. Why does this happen, why does every guy just want me while Im convenient until they find something better? This has happened so many times, I almost have no hope anymore of finding love. Its like after they have gotten what they can from me physically I cant hold their interest for long, although I dont always have sex with these people. Am I just finding the wrong people or am I just a huge loser who doesnt deserve love or something
I think we would need a LOT more information about the dynamics of these relationships and how you present yourself to these guys, how old you are, and how you conduct yourself within a relationship to really get a good sense of what may be going wrong, but the first thing I can tell you is I strongly recommend two books: He's Just Not That Into You and Why Men Love Bi***es. I've read them both and they are both full of what I find incredibly helpful and useful information. I wish I has read both these books 10 years ago. It's all about taking care of yourself first. Knowing who you are, loving who you are, feeling comfortable in your own skin, and not letting any guy change how you feel or look at yourself and not putting the above yourself for the sake of trying to please them, knowing what you want and not settling for less. Please check out these two books. Even if you don't agree with everything they say, I promise you will find something useful in them.

 
Old 01-20-2006, 08:52 AM   #4
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Re: why does this keep happening?

ok, Im 21, these guys Im talking about range from 19-26 I would say. I present myself as I am, I dont suck up to them or try to impress them, at least not obviously. I am attractive (so I have been told.) I am very honest and pretty romantic, maybe this scares some guys away, or maybe I should date older guys that are more mature. Those books I may check out, but hes just not that into you yes, but why?

 
Old 01-20-2006, 08:57 AM   #5
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Re: why does this keep happening?

Quote:
Originally Posted by digmusic
ok, Im 21, these guys Im talking about range from 19-26 I would say. I present myself as I am, I dont suck up to them or try to impress them, at least not obviously. I am attractive (so I have been told.) I am very honest and pretty romantic, maybe this scares some guys away, or maybe I should date older guys that are more mature. Those books I may check out, but hes just not that into you yes, but why?
"Why Men Love Bi***es" answers the why, "He's Just Not Than Into You" tells you how to handle it. Trust me, read these books.

 
Old 01-20-2006, 08:59 AM   #6
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Re: why does this keep happening?

dig - don't sweat it, it's the nature of the beast
it's not you! There are a lot of flaky guys out there.
Hiya - I think I may look into those books you suggested.
As far as the why? Does it really matter?
Were you really that into them or were you just trying to make something work because they were there.......(basically a warm body)

 
Old 01-20-2006, 09:15 AM   #7
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Re: why does this keep happening?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hiya
"Why Men Love Bi***es" answers the why, "He's Just Not Than Into You" tells you how to handle it. Trust me, read these books.
I just read an exerpt of "why men love..." and I think I'm going to have to buy that one. Thanks for the info.

 
Old 01-20-2006, 11:03 AM   #8
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Re: why does this keep happening?

Well, I read both of these books and I'm no smarter for it. I was wondering the same thing: how does it happen that some women meet a guy and end up dating him for a long time, and for some, including myself, things never seem to work out I honestly don't know the answer. I think it's pure luck more than anything else. YOu have to just meet a man who wants to be with you just as much as you want to be with him. In fact, when the man wants it slightly more than the woman it might be even better.

 
Old 01-20-2006, 08:25 PM   #9
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Re: why does this keep happening?

I CAN TOTALLY RELATE!!...Are they completely into you for a few weeks, and maybe your ..so-so?..and THEN when you start to really like them, they shy away??...if yes, than I was in the same boat and realized that I was being myself in the beginning, and then started worrying about what they thought of me (because I actually started having feelings for them) and that's when the phone calls would stop.. because I was too worried about THEM, I was TOO into them. It can be hard to "play it off" like you don't care, but you must...continue being yourself, and do EVERYTHING that you did before, just consider him a new friend and do not think of it as anything long-term. In a nutshell, don't jump in with your eyes closed and keep your FRIENDS more important. **A little tip for u..this is what I did with my bf, we've been together 2 years..OKAY..in the beginning, pick a date when you are going to break up..say in a month?...just picture it in your head that in 3 or 4 weeks it's dunzo...then when the date hits and ur still together...tell yourself in 2 months or whenever u want...TRUST ME it works cuz you don't focus on keeping the relationship..you focus on HAVING FUN!...and dating is supposed to be fun, right?....Oh also, last but NOt least...don't have sex until your past the "does he like me or not" stage...make him work for it, sister! ......Good luck and let me know if this works for u...

 
Old 01-21-2006, 09:25 AM   #10
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Re: why does this keep happening?

gods child - that is really good advice and very true, the only problem is that i had sex with him already. oops...but yeah i really benefit from your advice, my problem is taking it too seriously early on, it's in my nature to do so i think

 
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