My husband and I have been married for 3 years now, and together for 8. They have been the most wonderful years of my life. He is a good guy. When we were getting married and everyone made the big bachelor party strip club fuss I said no, and if I found out later it would still be over. Well, I have now found out that his friends took him, and bought him a lap dance!!! An all nude club!!! He swears there was no touching involved in the entire night, just looking, and he told them he was not to go, but they took him anyways. I did tell him I wanted a divorce, however everyone I know has told me not to. He has expressed his utter sorrow and says it is not what I think at all. I may be able to look past going, but a lap dance? Am I making a bigger deal out of this than it is? I feel so many emotions. Please please help!!!!!
I have been to a few strip clubs (in my wilder days) if he touched her he would have been ejected (physically) from the club.
It all depends on what you can handle though I think. I don't know if this is "Divorce Material" ... but may be something you can work through.
Has he been going to strip clubs since? or was it just the once three years ago???
I don't really have beef with hubby going to strip clubs, but he better not expect sex when he gets back! but as you can see a few threads down, I myself am having marital problems ... hehe so I might not be the best person for advice
he lied and he betrayed your trust
I see some people here don't really think that's a big deal
I personally do.....
you will have to come to your own conclusion
My opinion is this isnt worth divorcing over at all.Especialy if he isnt patronizing strip clubs anymore........and even if he was once in while it all depends on how one feels about that.I wouldnt hold this over his head or even argue about it think of what ya have now
Not a fan of strip clubs myself, and I'd have to say if I made a request prior to marriage that there be none in the bachelor parties I'd hope as a future wife that was respected. Apparently, in your case, it was not.
Don't know if it's divorce material, but I'd put him very deep in the dog house. That's a pretty rude lie to tell, you'd think enjoying his last night 'as a free man' wouldn't require naked women to make it special. I guess that's a typical difference between many men and women eh? And if it was his friends, it wasn't very kind of them to disrespect HIS voice when he said he wasn't interested.
Let him apologize for a while, but I don't think a divorce should happen over something like this... you can be angry for a while but "good times and bad times.. til death do us part". Sometimes stuff happens in life, won't always be what you want.
This is the biggest fuss I have heard on this board, sorry but I wanna be really honest.
Don't worry, esp. you have already said that your husband's a great man. Just get over it and keep enjoying your married life. Being able to find the right man of your life ... this doesn't happen to everybody. Be thankful that you are one of the lucky ones.
Oh thank you thank you thank you for your replies. He has never gone to one since, does not look at porn, none of that. I always could tell that he is extremly attracted to me, and he is very wonderful to me and my family. I have gone to the "prostitute" side of it in my head. I feel so confused. I am afraid that even if we stay married, I feel different about him now, or am I just so shocked and mad. Will I get over this and if so how? I have been told to just "sweep it under the rug" I just don't know how to get back to where we were or how to trust him again.
peas - I think I understand what you're feeling. I think you have lost some respect for him and that hurts. I can't be with someone that I don't respect.
I, myself don't think I could sweep it under the rug. I guess it all depends on what people are willing to settle for.
Good luck to you.
I personally think you should wait a bit longer before making decisions, let yourself run through all the emotions that come with this and decide ... Let him at least TRY and earn your trust and respect back ??? if you want?
I dont think this is a reason to get divorced .. I know some guys may not like what I am going to say .. but I know that some men are more easily led by the group .. someone wanted him to go .. he didnt want to look like a wimp and he went along .. hasnt gone since so I dont see much of a problem.
He realised he made a mistake ... he doesnt want to go back ... how much do you want to punish him for letting his friends run his bachelor party?
I can understand mad .. for sure ... but give up a man you have had a good life with for 3 years for one night of stupidity that did NOT involve sex/love sonets with another woman .. no drugs .. no hitting you/your loved ones ...
I just think that you will get over it .. and would kick yourself down the road if you left him for going to a strip bar ... ONCE ... 3 YEARS AGO.
But thats just me.
__________________
Mother is the word for God on the lips and hearts of children - The Crow
Going to a prostitute and having a bachelor party at a strip joint are absolutely in NO WAY alike! The buddies took him there for his bachelor party. I suppose he could have made everyone mad and refused to go to his bachelor party Do you realize how many men secretly go to strip joints for a bachelor party?! I can't tell you why men think this is soooo much fun to try to get a groom in trouble just before the wedding but evidently it's a hoot! Hahahaha!
If you divorced this man over this silly incident, you will be making the biggest mistake you've ever made in your life!
He has vowed that he did behave himself, and even though his buddy had a stripper taking money from his mouth with her breast, he thought that was gross. I have trouble believing much of anything that comes out of his mouth about anything, but am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, since there seems to be nothing else he has ever lied to me about. I am so glad for all the replies it is helping me so much.
My husband and I have been married for 3 years now, and together for 8. They have been the most wonderful years of my life. He is a good guy. When we were getting married and everyone made the big bachelor party strip club fuss I said no, and if I found out later it would still be over. Well, I have now found out that his friends took him, and bought him a lap dance!!! An all nude club!!! He swears there was no touching involved in the entire night, just looking, and he told them he was not to go, but they took him anyways. I did tell him I wanted a divorce, however everyone I know has told me not to. He has expressed his utter sorrow and says it is not what I think at all. I may be able to look past going, but a lap dance? Am I making a bigger deal out of this than it is? I feel so many emotions. Please please help!!!!!
You say these have been the most wonderful years of your life, why would you want to forget all those years over something that happened before you were even married? He says he didn't touch, and as someone mentioned before, I don't think they can in clubs like this. If you trust him, what is the problem? If it's because he didn't tell you, maybe he didn't because he knew that you would be mad. I wouldn't make a big deal about this, I would just let him know that it upset you. The part that would upset me is that he felt he couldn't tell me.
rose of course I would never say the same if it was prostitute that is totaly different when my hubby went to a strip club it was a few yrs back also and same thing he was being coaxed into it he told me all about it when he got home said the girls were skanks and there was something funny that happened while there (nothing to do with any stripper) and he said that was the only fun the whole time he was there.
Anyway peas, I agree with all saying that you would prob regret divorcing him over this one incident which was 3 years ago......you say hes been wonderful id forgive this and move on.
I agree with the others that you shouldn't rush to ditch the whole marriage over this, especially if it was the one time and he otherwise basically shares your values on this. I think you're right to be mad, though. You told him how you felt about this and he agreed to your terms and then violated your trust. Just because a lot of men go to strip clubs doesn't make it right when they're with a woman who doesn't like it. I always say this, but I really don't understand why people seem to think men have some kind of god given right to go look at naked women and pay them to rub their naked bodies against them. If you're in a relationship where both people are ok with it, then I think it's fine, but that's not the kind of relationship peas and her husband agreed to.
Sorry he violated your trust, especially right before that special day. I do think, though, that you should hang in and give him a chance to regain your trust.
Do you realize how many men secretly go to strip joints for a bachelor party?! I can't tell you why men think this is soooo much fun to try to get a groom in trouble just before the wedding but evidently it's a hoot! Hahahaha! 
If you divorced this man over this silly incident, you will be making the biggest mistake you've ever made in your life! 
