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Old 01-20-2006, 02:03 PM   #1
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After 3 years

My husband and I have been married for 3 years now, and together for 8. They have been the most wonderful years of my life. He is a good guy. When we were getting married and everyone made the big bachelor party strip club fuss I said no, and if I found out later it would still be over. Well, I have now found out that his friends took him, and bought him a lap dance!!! An all nude club!!! He swears there was no touching involved in the entire night, just looking, and he told them he was not to go, but they took him anyways. I did tell him I wanted a divorce, however everyone I know has told me not to. He has expressed his utter sorrow and says it is not what I think at all. I may be able to look past going, but a lap dance? Am I making a bigger deal out of this than it is? I feel so many emotions. Please please help!!!!!

 
Old 01-20-2006, 02:11 PM   #2
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Re: After 3 years

I have been to a few strip clubs (in my wilder days) if he touched her he would have been ejected (physically) from the club.

It all depends on what you can handle though I think. I don't know if this is "Divorce Material" ... but may be something you can work through.

Has he been going to strip clubs since? or was it just the once three years ago???

I don't really have beef with hubby going to strip clubs, but he better not expect sex when he gets back! but as you can see a few threads down, I myself am having marital problems ... hehe so I might not be the best person for advice

 
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Old 01-20-2006, 02:16 PM   #3
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Re: After 3 years

This is not a reason to get a divorce! Mad...yeah...but blow your steam and forget about it!
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Last edited by keepsgoin; 01-20-2006 at 03:42 PM.

 
Old 01-20-2006, 02:26 PM   #4
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Re: After 3 years

he lied and he betrayed your trust
I see some people here don't really think that's a big deal
I personally do.....
you will have to come to your own conclusion

 
Old 01-20-2006, 02:30 PM   #5
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Re: After 3 years

My opinion is this isnt worth divorcing over at all.Especialy if he isnt patronizing strip clubs anymore........and even if he was once in while it all depends on how one feels about that.I wouldnt hold this over his head or even argue about it think of what ya have now

 
Old 01-20-2006, 02:32 PM   #6
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Re: After 3 years

Not a fan of strip clubs myself, and I'd have to say if I made a request prior to marriage that there be none in the bachelor parties I'd hope as a future wife that was respected. Apparently, in your case, it was not.

Don't know if it's divorce material, but I'd put him very deep in the dog house. That's a pretty rude lie to tell, you'd think enjoying his last night 'as a free man' wouldn't require naked women to make it special. I guess that's a typical difference between many men and women eh? And if it was his friends, it wasn't very kind of them to disrespect HIS voice when he said he wasn't interested.

Let him apologize for a while, but I don't think a divorce should happen over something like this... you can be angry for a while but "good times and bad times.. til death do us part". Sometimes stuff happens in life, won't always be what you want.

 
Old 01-20-2006, 02:32 PM   #7
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Re: After 3 years

tnmomoffive
would you feel the same way if he visited a prostitute?
if it was a long time ago and he only did it once or once in a while?

 
Old 01-20-2006, 02:45 PM   #8
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Re: After 3 years

This is the biggest fuss I have heard on this board, sorry but I wanna be really honest.

Don't worry, esp. you have already said that your husband's a great man. Just get over it and keep enjoying your married life. Being able to find the right man of your life ... this doesn't happen to everybody. Be thankful that you are one of the lucky ones.

Peace.

Last edited by Gundam; 01-20-2006 at 02:50 PM.

 
Old 01-20-2006, 02:48 PM   #9
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Re: After 3 years

Oh thank you thank you thank you for your replies. He has never gone to one since, does not look at porn, none of that. I always could tell that he is extremly attracted to me, and he is very wonderful to me and my family. I have gone to the "prostitute" side of it in my head. I feel so confused. I am afraid that even if we stay married, I feel different about him now, or am I just so shocked and mad. Will I get over this and if so how? I have been told to just "sweep it under the rug" I just don't know how to get back to where we were or how to trust him again.

 
Old 01-20-2006, 02:53 PM   #10
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Re: After 3 years

peas - I think I understand what you're feeling. I think you have lost some respect for him and that hurts. I can't be with someone that I don't respect.
I, myself don't think I could sweep it under the rug. I guess it all depends on what people are willing to settle for.
Good luck to you.

 
Old 01-20-2006, 03:01 PM   #11
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Re: After 3 years

Yes, I have lost quite a bit of respect for him along with the trust. I feel crushed, but it seems as if I am in the minortiy on this issue.

 
Old 01-20-2006, 03:03 PM   #12
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Re: After 3 years

I personally think you should wait a bit longer before making decisions, let yourself run through all the emotions that come with this and decide ... Let him at least TRY and earn your trust and respect back ??? if you want?

 
Old 01-20-2006, 03:03 PM   #13
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Re: After 3 years

I dont think this is a reason to get divorced .. I know some guys may not like what I am going to say .. but I know that some men are more easily led by the group .. someone wanted him to go .. he didnt want to look like a wimp and he went along .. hasnt gone since so I dont see much of a problem.

He realised he made a mistake ... he doesnt want to go back ... how much do you want to punish him for letting his friends run his bachelor party?

I can understand mad .. for sure ... but give up a man you have had a good life with for 3 years for one night of stupidity that did NOT involve sex/love sonets with another woman .. no drugs .. no hitting you/your loved ones ...

I just think that you will get over it .. and would kick yourself down the road if you left him for going to a strip bar ... ONCE ... 3 YEARS AGO.

But thats just me.
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Old 01-20-2006, 03:40 PM   #14
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Re: After 3 years

Going to a prostitute and having a bachelor party at a strip joint are absolutely in NO WAY alike! The buddies took him there for his bachelor party. I suppose he could have made everyone mad and refused to go to his bachelor party Do you realize how many men secretly go to strip joints for a bachelor party?! I can't tell you why men think this is soooo much fun to try to get a groom in trouble just before the wedding but evidently it's a hoot! Hahahaha!

If you divorced this man over this silly incident, you will be making the biggest mistake you've ever made in your life!
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Old 01-21-2006, 01:17 PM   #15
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Re: After 3 years

He has vowed that he did behave himself, and even though his buddy had a stripper taking money from his mouth with her breast, he thought that was gross. I have trouble believing much of anything that comes out of his mouth about anything, but am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, since there seems to be nothing else he has ever lied to me about. I am so glad for all the replies it is helping me so much.

Last edited by peas; 01-21-2006 at 01:18 PM.

 
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