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Old 01-20-2006, 03:11 PM   #1
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charlatans HB User
Arrow moving on

so much has happened...i feel so tired, useless and worthless i cant even type it
he hurt me so much on wednesday, im trying to recover from it
went to the doctors today but didnt tell her the full story of how depressed and desperate i feel...she told me to see her next week to see how i am doing
despite how he hurt me, i called hmi today, just to hear his voice and it made it all better
messaged him i wanted to go over to his andcollect my stuff, he replied saying ok, that hed call me over the weekend to sort it
all i want is to get my stuff, talk to him and....be close with him physically then go and never talk to him again
i miss making love, i think one last time would help me

 
Old 01-20-2006, 03:13 PM   #2
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Re: moving on

I would recomend no on the good bye sex .. I dont think it helps you feel better .. its all wierd and disconnected ... it will just hurt to be that way .. and know that its the last time ...

OR you set yourself up to be the booty call .. the one on the side being in love with someone that isnt in love with you.
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Old 01-20-2006, 03:18 PM   #3
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Re: moving on

he'll probably not want to anyway...

 
Old 01-20-2006, 03:29 PM   #4
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Re: moving on

I wouldnt think of it that way .. honest .. what part of him do you want to think of you with ...
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Old 01-20-2006, 04:15 PM   #5
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Re: moving on

Trust me, it's a bad idea. You still have feelings for this guy. If you have sex with him, your feelings will intensify all the more. Especially if it's good. You will crave him and want him again and again, and like Dewdrop said, there's a danger that your position will deteriorate from girlfriend to booty call. That would make you feel horrible, I'm sure. Just try to get your stuff and leave ASAP. Nothing emotional. Go with a friend if you're afraid you'll get weak. I'm so sorry you're hurting so much.

 
Old 01-21-2006, 09:14 AM   #6
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Re: moving on

Just to add a few things, remembering your past posts--please keep in mind that you deserve better than this and that you need to preserve your dignity and permanently turn your back on any man who would treat you as cruelly and disrespectfully as your ex has treated you. I know he is also nice at times, but this emotional roller coaster is extremely unhealthy for you. It also seems as if you are experiencing really drastic highs and lows which makes me concerned for you...are you considering seeking professional help? Have you ever struggled with depression or anxiety in the past? I'm worried for you that you're reacting in such an extreme, up and down fashion to a guy you've only been seeing for six months, especially since you've been breaking up and getting back together for the last month, and it sounds like maybe even since you started dating. You deserve so much better! This is not the right person for you and you WILL get through this and heal, no matter how tough and impossible that may seem now. One day at a time, and it will get easier...but you need to realize that you deserve better and sever all contact with your ex if you want to start feeling more normal in time and get on with your life. I wish you nothing but the best and hope things look up soon--you can get through this, I promise!

 
Old 01-21-2006, 09:22 AM   #7
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charlatans HB User
Re: moving on

Im feeling this bad, this extreme because i knew i was being used, because he was never serious, because he has made me feel like life is not worth living...
i wont get over this

 
Old 01-21-2006, 09:37 AM   #8
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Re: moving on

Yes, you will get over this, and as hard as it is to believe, what you are feeling is actually quite normal. Most people, upon losing someone they truly love, are absolutely crushed, feel devastated, and are convinced that they will never feel happy again, be able to move on, get over the hurt, much less date or love again. It's just impossible to imagine things ever improving from how bad they are in the immediate aftermath of an unwanted breakup. But sweetie, please don't let anyone make you feel like your life isn't worth living...you are so young with so much promising future ahead of you that you should never even consider this thought. This guy is only one person and he only took up half a year of your life, so while I know you can't conceive of this now, in time you will look back and find it hard to remember why you were so upset by his leaving. You'll also realize how much better off you are without him and how much happier you are in the future when you're free of the emotional turmoil and manipulation you've been through...it sounds like you've had nonstop drama with your ex ever since you started dating, which probably partially accounts fo rthe extreme emotions you're experiencing. Try not to think about the future without him or what it was like being with him anymore than you can possibly avoid--this will help keep you more grounded and stable. It will also help you begin to heal and eventually feel normal again and much, much better and happier than you ever felt while your ex was putting you through such exhausting emotional turmoil. And just hang in there, as you're going to be just fine, I promise, no matter how bad things seem now. What do you think about the idea of seeing a counselor? Are you resolved now to end all communication with your ex?

 
Old 01-21-2006, 09:40 AM   #9
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ErimusValidus HB User
Re: moving on

Quote:
Originally Posted by charlatans
Im feeling this bad, this extreme because i knew i was being used, because he was never serious
Hold that thought and you will be okay. If you idealise your ex, you'll never move on. But as long as you remember the negative things he did towards you, you will get over him.

Please, please, please don't have sex with him again. It's horrible. [It's even worse when your partner initiates what they know is going to be break-up sex, and you don't ]
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Old 01-21-2006, 09:43 AM   #10
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Re: moving on

Youre the first person to make me feel even slightly better, thansk veronica.
i tried calling him today, just to talk, clear things up, but he refuses to, saying he wants to be left alone. late messages is all i get. I thought I was with someone decent, a gentleman. what an insult.
I went to see my doctor yesterday, but she probably thought I was a young girl who just had broken up with her boyfriend- but its more than that. I feel used, I feel worthless. Im going through all this pain, and he doesnt feel an ounce of it. My doctor told me to go see her next week. I wont go counselling. I wont see doctor again either.
I want it to get better. But I want him to know how bad I feel. I want him to feel bad.
I dont know how to bring about closure with him. Maybe write him an email?

 
Old 01-21-2006, 09:48 AM   #11
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Re: moving on

oh and you too erimus.
I just want to be happy again, i want to be confident and strong like i used to be. Im such a popular girl, I excel at university. I cant bear feeling like this. I really cant. How could someone do this to me? How?
Ii dont know why, but if I was to see him around university,Id feel ashamed and as though Id want to be sick.Id die. And I still love him.
im so messed up, god help me. I keep thinking and doing the most stupid things.

 
Old 01-21-2006, 09:49 AM   #12
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charlatans HB User
Re: moving on

i think what the hardest part to this is knowing he isnt going through any pain, only me. Knowing his life is near enough perfect, because it is, and mine has to start again.
how could he do this to me?

 
Old 01-21-2006, 09:58 AM   #13
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Re: moving on

veronice- in my other thread you posted that i am too young to get super serious
even so, i dont deserve to be used like that
all his friends are in relationships which have lasted more than a year.
he told me he had good intentions but he hadnt.

 
Old 01-21-2006, 10:26 AM   #14
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Re: moving on

Hi there charlatans,

Please forgive me if I made it sound like I was excusing any of your ex's bad behavior! I certainly didn't mean to do so, and I completely agree with you that there is no excuse for ever deliberately hurting and disrespecting someone who loves you like he has. No one ever deserves to be used or hurt, no matter what their age or circumstances, and I never meant to suggest otherwise. While it's true that a lot of people have serious, prolonged relationships in their late teens and early twenties, few of these relationships last in the long run because the people involved are very rarely ready to settle down in healthy, mature, and stable partnerships. They need more life and relationship experience in order to choose the right partner and have the tools and skills to make a lifelong partnership work, and that requires independence that most people need time out in the world as adults making it on their own in order to acquire. So while few young love affairs pan out in the end, that doesn't mean they aren't often intensely passionate, influential, and heartbreaking. And as you said, it certainly doesn't mean it's okay to use anyone else...though it does seem like your ex did care and probably meant much of what he said to you when he said it, but that he's way too selfish, confused, and screwed up to sustain a healthy and stable relationship with anyone, no matter what you did or how hard you tried to make things work. No one should ever feel used, betrayed, or lied to by someone they love, but even in cases where a couple who splits up treats each other with nothing but kindness and respect, as was the case with my heartbreak last year, it's often still impossible not to feel like the person who left lied about loving you and wanting to spend forever with you. But it's important not to dwell on what they said and meant, or didn't say and didn't mean, at any point...second-guessing things is only torturing yourself, as is thinking about the past or the future when you're really feeling down in the present. I hope you will try to avoid these negative cycles of thinking, comparing yourself to other people, and feeling like you screwed up somehow because your relationship failed...remember, this happened for a reason, will turn out to be for the best in the end, and is freeing you up to meet the guy who will treat you like the princess you should be treated like!

 
Old 01-21-2006, 11:22 AM   #15
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Re: moving on

for the first time, im feeling slightly better. I dont feel like dying anymore. I feel like i can go on. I feel as though my life is not worth less than his anymore. I can be with better people.
I know for a fact no woman will ever do the things i did for him. he'l probably never have a woman love him as much as i do. im almost certain ill never stop loving him. but altough he wont care, it is his loss.
all i want is for time to heal this hurt and hopefully rid me of any love for him. but the latter will probably not happen.
i need to be around inspiring people, people who care. I didnt have that this week. I found out who my real friends are.
Ill go travelling soon. Ill change my life.
But Im scared Ill be low again tomorrow. Ill try not to be. Im still coming to terms with how this has all happened and how much i love him and despite all this, will miss him so much

 
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