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Old 01-21-2006, 05:28 AM   #1
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charlatans HB User
Unhappy cant stop myself

Its been a week since we broke up, and it hasnt got any better. Im still crying all the time, Im still thinking about him, Im still planning how we could get back together, I keep thinking how he made me feel, if he meant it etc and i just cant stop.
This is killing me... I cannot stop my mind from wondering
I feel so alone, I feel like there is no one who understands, I feel like my life is really not worth much anymore. How can I trust again? How can I not be so naive and silly next time? Actually, no, I dont want to fall in love again- never. I simply couldnt bear it.
Im not confident, Im beginning to even doubt my success at university. Im really depressed. Really depressed.
i went to the doctors yesterday and she told me to take things easy, to not contact him, to get out and about. ive tried to do all of that. she told me to go back and see her in ten days time,.

Let me go through what happened on wednesday when I called him. First of all he didnt pickup and didnt want to talk to me, he messaged me. But he did pickup after several attempts and as soon as he did he started screaming down the phone at me. I explained that the text I sent him wasnt the truth, that I was messed up and wasnt thinking straight. I was crying hysterically as he told me he didnt want someone like me in his life and how he doesnt care- not on purpose, not to hurt me, but he doesnt even think about me, how he never did love me and how he has never felt at such peace with himslef and life. This crushed me. I was crying hysterically and he told me to get a grip and move on, like he has. He told me all he needed to do was to watch a film, thatd deter him from thiknking about me. He asked me if I had any self respect, any pride. All the time he was screaming at me. He explained how he was in tears on the phone to his mum, telling her how he wanted to help me through his bad time, be a good friend, explaining how he had hurt me. This was on sunday and monday befiore I sent that text. Atfer sometime, I think he began to feel sorry for me and tried to calm me down etc. He said we cold be friends once I let go of whats happened. He said he would call me next week and was surprised and sorry at how he had reacted.
I didnt wait. I sent him a message thursday evening asking why he couldnt have ended things in a decent way, with some respect. I asked him where the guy I used to know went. I explained that I always was so nice to him, treated with him utmost respect. Why couldnt he treat melike that when he ended thingslast week? I got no reply.
I called himwhilst I was out last night, I really missed his voice and just wanted to hear it and ask what he was doing. he was watching tv. After a minute conversation, asking what ehcother was up to, I felt so happy. Just hearing his voice.
I messaged him this morning and called him, asking him if he wants to meetup. Its such a beautiful day here. Im waiting fior a response which isnt going to be what I want...but I cant stop myself Nothiing will.

Although he doesnt have many close friends, I mean very close friends, actually he doesnt have any- his coice- I would love to have him in my life has a special friend...but I dont think he wants that...he talked about it before, he wanted a weekm or so to tihnk about it. On wednesday he said we couldnt really be friends "what would we do?what would we talk about" were his exact words
but i think having him in life wold be better than not having him at all

im torn apart without him

 
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Old 01-21-2006, 05:51 AM   #2
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Re: cant stop myself

he wont pick up my calls but sends me messages.
I asked him if he wanted to meet up. He replied that he he doesnt think its a good idea. that its still too early and that he would call me tomorrow.
I send him a message telling him Im fine with things, its not too early for me, is he not ok with things? He replies saying he is fine with things, its just that he needs some more time to himself and that he'll call me tomorrow and that he is glad im feeling better.
I reply telling him you wont even pick up my calls, do you know how that makes me feel?

Im crying now...
I want to escape this feeling, these feelings but I cant
Ive had enough...The feeling is so bad, nothing helps, Im sinking into depression, I feel so disgusted with myself...how do i stop these feelings/ I wont stop crying all day. Im so scared.

 
Old 01-21-2006, 08:50 AM   #3
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Re: cant stop myself

Hi there,

Unfortunately, it's pretty clear that you're not fine with things, nor are you in an emotional condition where you are strong enough to deal with your ex. Things aren't going to get any easier, and you aren't going to feel better or be able to move on at all, until you stop contacting him. I know that you don't want the breakup and how tough it is to accept when someone we love so much doesn't want to be with us, but you can't force someone to be with you, and ignoring what he's said and done and continuing to act like you are a couple, calling every day and wanting to meet, may seem to help temporarily but in reality is only preventing you from accepting that this relationship is over. That is a really important first step in the grieving process, and you definitely need to start mourning and hopefully start feeling a little better with time. Breakups are rough, and unfortunately, there's really no quick fix or any way to expedite your healing process, but it will happen in time if you take good care of yourself and do what you need to do to start putting this behind you. Remember--you didn't do anything wrong, you tried as best you could to make this work, but he isn't the right partner for you, because if he was, he would never have even considered leaving and putting you through this emotional upheaval. It really is that simple, though I know that it's nearly impossible not to overthink and overanalyze everything in the immediate aftermath of a breakup, especially one you don't want. Please try to come to terms with what he's told you and respect the way he feels for the sake of your own emotional well-being--you can't keep going like this and allowing him to treat you so poorly, though to be honest, I can understand why he's frustrated and wants you to leave him alone, and you really do need to cease communication with him ASAP or you're going to drive you both crazy. Please take care of yourself and do what is in your own best interest, which doesn't include your ex...I wish you all the best in healing and being okay, and promise that it will get easier eventually if you concentrate now on getting through each day, just one at a time. Take care!

 
Old 01-21-2006, 09:02 AM   #4
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Re: cant stop myself

he was never as serious as I was. He never loved me. I was used. He explined, "what did you expect? we are 21,22, what did you expect?" He knew I was serious, well not serious serious but knew this wasnt a fling. How could he do this to me?
How do i get over being used? I feel like ripping my inside organs out. I feel so dirty. He seemed so convinving, that he wanted more. Everything makes sense now. I was used. I love being with you, love spending time with you, we have a good laugh, what more do you want? he always said that.
i dont know what to do to get over this. i really dont.

 
Old 01-21-2006, 09:30 AM   #5
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Veronica_Mars HB User
Re: cant stop myself

I'm really sorry you're going through this...first and foremost, you really need to slow down, practice some deep breathing, and realize that this is an incredibly tough situation that you will need time to get over. You're expecting far too much from yourself, and you need to be a more patient and understanding friend to yourself during this painful time and realize that you can't expect anything to happen too quickly. Please also try to do anything you can to stop thinking about him in obsessive and really dramatic, extreme terms...you seem to be going back and forth between opposite takes on the situation, when the reality is somewhere in the middle. I think he probably did care about you and to some extent still does, but he has made it clear that he doesn't want the relationship to continue, and for your own well-being, you need to realize that it's for the best that you end things and move on. You will start feeling better and healing once you come to terms that this wasn't meant to be, not with all the drama and torment he's put you through in only six months.

Your ex is unfortunately quite right that you are awfully young to be super serious...it seems like a lot of ladies around your--and my own--age are going through heartbreaking breakups right now, but I think it's clear with a little distance that we're all better off without our guys who are too foolish to appreciate how good they have it and to thus do everything in their power to cherish and nourish our relationships. I think we'll all benefit from having more dating and life experience before we find "the one," as few people are ready or able to form lasting partnerships in their early twenties even if they are lucky enough to find someone who they are compatible with...in past generations, one's early twenties was a lot more mature and developed than it is today. People used to routinely graduate high school, work and live on their own, and get married by the time people today graduate college, but today's college graduates are still really inexperienced and immature in comparison. Most of us are still figuring out who we are and what we want in life, we're changing and evolving in many significant ways, and still learning to be independent and self-sufficient...for the majority of college-educated people, it will take a number of additional years before we're really adults in the sense that we are ready and prepared to find lifelong partners and settle down. So in the meantime, I think we'll all be happier and more stable if we just slow down, relax, and put less pressure on ourselves...first loves rarely last because we lack the necessary experience and perspective to choose a compatible partner and to be able to maintain healthy boundaries, which is why our first heartbreaks are always the most devastating and why young people are so often convinced they will never be happy or love again after experiencing their first major breakup.

Anyway, it's far too much for you to expect yourself to get over this right now...you need to just concentrate on taking as good care of yourself as you can, dwelling on your ex as seldom as possible, keeping busy/distracted, eating/sleeping/exercising normally whenever you can, and just get through one day at a time. Eventually the morning pangs will lessen and things will get a bit easier and less painful, but it takes lots of time and patience, and you need to treat yourself gently and kindly, as you would your best friend if she was experiencing a similar episode of heartbreak and sadness. And in your case especially, you REALLY need to stop contacting him and recognize that you are better off without that unhealthy and emotionally tumultuous relationship...please let us know that you are okay and that you will do everything in your power to cut off communication with your ex for good?

 
Old 01-22-2006, 04:57 AM   #6
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Re: cant stop myself

hello there... im so sorry for what happened... i have been reading a lot of threads here, then i saw yours... honestly, i havent read everything... but just reading some of the lines, i could tell how depressed you are...

i can't really say anything that would make you feel better... let time take its course... or just keep yourself busy.. do some exercise. watch some funny movies. or talk to a friend and let it all out... or uhh.. shopping?

(you may think im not taking this seriously.. i am. i've been there.. but believe me, time heals.. soon, there will be a time when you'll just laugh about this.. if not, then both of you are back together that moment already...)

 
Old 01-22-2006, 08:08 AM   #7
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IMNRVUS HB User
Post


Last edited by IMNRVUS; 02-21-2006 at 08:59 PM.

 
Old 01-22-2006, 08:20 AM   #8
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charlatans HB User
Re: cant stop myself

thanks IMN.
iguess you get if what you give?
i caused the breakup. i hope i can get things back on track. i update more on another thread entitled "moving on" can you have a read and post what you think there as well?

 
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