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Old 03-07-2006, 04:26 AM   #1
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charlatans HB User
curious...your ex coming back...what did you do

in addition to my other thread...
i am simply curious...
id like to know of peoples personal accounts...

were you dumped then found out that immediately or soon after the breakup your ex got together with somene new?
i would like to know of accounts of the ex coming back...
what was your reaction? what did you do? what happened?

 
Old 03-07-2006, 04:41 AM   #2
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laurie864bla HB User
Re: curious...your ex coming back...what did you do

Took mine a year, after leaving our family of 12 yrs. He then came back, the day of the settlement, crying uncontrollably, and wanting me to comfort him. "What have I done?!!! You are the best woman, the best mother....what have I done?!!!"

I was nice, but said I wouldn't take him back if he was the last person on earth, and I was happy now, and wished him the best. Hope that we can get along for our children's sake.....he's still an angry jerk, and we are not getting along b/c of one reason--he's never going to change. When he doesn't get what he wants--he's a miserable, controlling jerk. Mean. His GF will see his true colors one day, if she sticks around, and she can deal with the jerk--not me!!

I have had my issues, and still have some, working on them. BUT--not ever going to be with him again, and boy did it let me know I had really moved on. I was proud, and knew it had been over for me for a long time. Just needed some distance to see it.

 
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Old 03-07-2006, 10:31 AM   #3
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farceur66 HB User
Re: curious...your ex coming back...what did you do

When my ex husband comes running back, I will let you know.

 
Old 03-07-2006, 11:12 AM   #4
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Re: curious...your ex coming back...what did you do

I took mine back last year. He wasn't with another woman that I know of. He just broke up with me b/c he didn't want to get married and take the next step in our relationship after 3 years of being together.
About 2 months after the break-up he came back a changed man. He wanted to get married and have a family and buy a house together. The whole 9 yards! Even told my family and friends about his ideas for a proposal, ring, ect... I adjusted "my" future plans to make them "our" future plans because I trusted him and thought that he did in fact always want to be with me. I convinced myself that he was just scared and made a mistake. It was pure bliss for a while...

Now, a year later, guess what? He dumped me again for the same exact reasons as before. I see first hand now, the problems that break a relationship in the first place are going to break it again and again and again. That is why it is important durring a break-up to focus more on what broke you up rather the good times you had. You can remember the good times somewhere down the road when you have had a chance to heal...

I don't think he lied to me. I think he really truely wanted to want me forever. But it is not that easy to change who you are or what you want. We may try, but our original fears and doubts will always come back to haunt us.

Oh and guess what else??? My ex is starting to act like he misses me again and even sent me an email saying that he made a mistake and "we should just fly to Vegas and get married."
HA! I almost choked when I read it. What nerve he has to think he can F*** with me this way! How many times does he expect me to make the same mistake over and over?!?! I may need help with this situation because I do love him so much. But I don't deserve the emotional torment and humiliation he has put me through! And I know that it will just happen again. I know it now. He's not going to change.
I guess the question is...." Are the happy times worth the pain that is bound to eventually come back again?"
Hmmm...I don't know. Sometimes it does seem worth it. I could have 8 months of happiness, and 4 months of intense misery. Or jsut 12 months of feeling nothing at all... I don't know...
I just wish he would leave me be.... My heart says don't let go, and my head says RUN!
I think I jinxed myself yesterday when I posted something along the lines of "at least I get to move on and never wonder if I made a mistake because I had no choice in the situation."
Now it seems like he's giving me a choice again and I don't want it! I'm so mad and upset and confused! My stomach hurts and I have a constant nervous feeling. I should just tell him to leave me alone but that is so hard to do when I am feeling so lonely and missing him. UUHHGG!

Anyway, to get back on topic... My advise to anyone who hopes for an ex to come back is, FORGET ABOUT IT! All you are doing is setting yourself up for the same pain again and again. Instead of hoping for their return, focus on what went wrong and try to use your new found knowledge to prevent the same problems from occuring in future relationships.
Of course I am speaking from my own experiences. I'm sure there are many stories of couples getting back together and living happily ever after. Heck, I thought I was going to be one of them... If it happens, Great! But don't sit around hoping for it to happen...
You need to use your judgement and realize that if you get back together, there isn't going to be any major changes that last very long. Do you want it back the way it was? Or do you want it back under different circumstances or conditions? If you want it to change, I would just forget about it.

Of course, I repeat, I am speaking from my own experiences. I am not trying to downplay happy couples who have broken up and gotten back together, to have it work out great for them. I truely believe that it can work, but each situation is different. I know that people can change but no one deserves to sit around hoping that they will.
I thought that our break-up made us realize how much we loved each other and how much we took each other for granted at times... I thought the time apart made us stronger and I was burned. So, I'm a little bitter.

 
Old 03-07-2006, 11:17 AM   #5
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charlatans HB User
Re: curious...your ex coming back...what did you do

murray- im so sorry to hear about your relationship and what a jerk this guy is...youve raised very interesting points and its made me think about things i hadnt thought about...

 
Old 03-07-2006, 12:04 PM   #6
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Re: curious...your ex coming back...what did you do

My ex wanted to break up with me, because she thought she was too young. She was 23 & I was 31 ... she left me devastated ... I was in such a mess that I had to delete her from all my contact sources, so that I wouldn't be reminded of her. 2 months later just before X'mas she started calling me back & MSN'ing me ... I though OK ... we could still be friends I guess. We got back together, we would kiss, hold each others' hands, messed around sometimes, but never officially back together as a proper couple. I felt it was wrong, so I told her not to call me again. We stopped seeing each other for another month, then she called me back again. This back and forth relationship lasted 6 months (too long ...). I got so frustrated and said to her "Just let me go please. I think it's a better idea if we break up now while I still like you; because I can forsee that I will start to hate you if you keep doing this to me. Let us become good memories of each other" ... she understood and let me go, and never came back.

End of story.

 
Old 03-07-2006, 01:24 PM   #7
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: curious...your ex coming back...what did you do

It was actually my boyfriend's ex that came back.
She called 3 years after they broke up and left a message at his folks house.
He called her, neglecting to menton that he had been seeing me for 2 1/2 yrs.
So, he's juggling the two of us - except that I catch on that something is up and track him down and confront him.
He admits that he "feels he loves her more" and that was that for me.
I saw their wedding info in the paper not even 6 months later - which is about the time that I was meeting Mr. Ruth.
It turned out alright for me in the long run, that's for sure!!

 
Old 03-07-2006, 02:04 PM   #8
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charlatans HB User
Re: curious...your ex coming back...what did you do

wow...now ruth, that is a story!

 
Old 03-07-2006, 06:19 PM   #9
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Fabat40 HB User
Re: curious...your ex coming back...what did you do

I kicked my ex-husband out of our house on a cold January morning when I confronted him of some woman and he didn't deny the affair.

Fast foward 8 weeks later, LOL My ex-husband tried to come back to me and our son, I slammed the door on his face, had my lawyer served him the divorce paper the next day at his office and proceded with the divorce.

It was one of my best decisions I've ever made and since then, life has been blissful.

Charlatans, from my experience, there was a reason why an "ex" is an "ex", it didn't work out no matter how much we love/loved them. I don't know if you have children with your ex, but imagine having half of his genes into a human being you care and love more than your own life and you're constantly reminded of that man you once loved and promised to grow old with for the remainder of your life. You're missing out on life... look at Dana Reeves, she's dead, gone at the age of 44... it rained today here and I thought of her.... she will never feel or hear or smell the rain ever again. Your ex is enjoying his life, don't you think you deserve the same?

Hon, for your sake, move on. Like I told one poster in another board, last I heard there are millions of single men out there, it's a big ocean, go fishing.


 
Old 03-08-2006, 04:16 AM   #10
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charlatans HB User
Re: curious...your ex coming back...what did you do

there are plenty of guys after me...im never short of attention...but my heart is with one...its hard...it hurts how things were going well for me but i didnt show him andi let it get to this stage...it hurts so bad

 
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