23 and both living with our parents... putting a damper on relationship? - Relationship Health Message Board

volcomrxy21 · 04-06-2006, 11:08 AM

For the first 10 months of our relationship, he lived alone in his own apartment. I didn't move in, but I was there often. We took things very slowly and didn't even have our first kiss until after a couple months of constant dating. I thought that he could be the one.
Things were wonderful.
Then he moved back home with his parents due to financial reasons. He makes good money, but we both want to save money so we can get a place of our own.
Now, we both live with our parents, and things haven't been the same as they were the first 10 months of our relationship.
I know that relationships don't always have that "spark", and we're obviously out of the honeymoon phase, but I can't tell if it's because we both now live with our parents, or if it's because maybe he's not the one.
It's just that some things he does really get under my skin lately. Like his mom buying him boxers and socks. That bugged me. And how he leans over really close to his plate when he eats... he says he does it because he was taught to not get crumbs anywhere when he was younger. When we go out to eat it's almost embarrassing. And how his mommy leaves him little "good morning honey" notes on his bathroom mirror.

yeah, i still live at home too, but I have my independence.... It seems like his parents are babying him even though he's an adult.

I've been questioning 'us' so much lately. Especially over the past few months. I've written posts on here countless times about the same subject over and over, and people have written back great advice, but I still don't know what to do.

Maybe I should seek professional help.

Fabat40 · 04-06-2006, 11:01 PM

Dear volcomrxy21,

Have you heard of the expression, "familiarity breeds contempt?" I think that's what you may have with your BF. There's this notion some people think that just because you're in a relationship, you should be together all or most of the time during your spare time... that's how a lot of people loose their identity, IMHO. We all have faults... we're only human.

You know what annoys me about my BF is sometimes when he laughs, he opens his mouth so wide, you can see his tonsils. LOL and he's so loud when he laughs sometimes... and I get embarrass, but when I think about the other great qualities he has, all his annoying qualities disappears.

Also, your BF's mother is only treating him as the way she sees him... IMHO. I am also a mother of a young man and he now has a girlfriend. Lately, my son has been responsible, being pro-active, doing things on his own w/o me telling him like his laundry or washing the dishes. And with those actions, I treat him more and more like an adult. Even though in my eyes, he'll always be that little boy with curly, blonde hair and those big, brown, beautiful eyes.

My advice is, maybe you should rethink things over like what you want in life, what do you want in a man, from a man before you settle down with a man.

If you are thinking of marriage with this man, I suggest to look more into this relationship than just the surface. Marriage is a sacred entity and shouldn't be taken lightly.

Hang in there...