It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 04-11-2006, 09:13 AM   #1
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 598
MrZeely HB User
Girlfriend acting really paranoid. Is this a good sign for the long run or a bad sign

Funny thing is, we have only been dating just a week now. I have known her for awhile, and she asked me out a few months ago but i refused and i eventually just came around to it and ended up asking her out. She has had one serious crush on me for awhile.

Now sometime during last week i was playing with my phone in class, and she just grabbed it and started looking through it, it was a little weird but i just let her go ahead. Then she did this again on Sunday, and we got into this whole conversation on if she even trusts me or not, and she said cheating on someone is a terrible thing and she wants to prevent it really early. Then later that night she said she originally was going to grab it to see if i try to refuse to let her see it, but i have nothing to hide so i just go ahead and let her see it. I later held her hand and looked her in the eyes and told her that i would never do anything like that, i respect her too much to do that and i have too much honor in myself to do it again. I can understand what she thinks that though, i talk about my ex alot, but definately in the negative way, yet im still talking about her in general. She claims that she thinks that i still have feelings for her. When in reality, i never talk to her anymore, i hate her guts, and i honestly avoid her to an extent.

She can go ahead and look whenever she wants to, i have nothing to hide. But then when she started to look through my phone i just grabbed hers, and believe it or not, she refused to let me look through it (i eventually did). She claims she is just building up her trust in me, i believe that, but another part of me is saying she will always be really paranoid about it. I tried to reassure her that i would never do that.

Can someone help me analyze this? Do you think this is a sign of a good safe relationship, or a really permanently paranoid girlfriend?

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 04-11-2006, 09:24 AM   #2
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 274
jenna_250 HB User
Re: Girlfriend acting really paranoid. Is this a good sign for the long run or a bad sign

I would say this is a horrible sign. You have been dating just a week, and already she is acting like this? Holy, I would be running faster than my legs could carry me. First of all, you have been dating a week, from where I sit if I was dating someone a week we wouldn't even be committed, we would just be dating. Secondly, she has control issues. First it starts by wanting to look through your phone, then it will be your email, then she won't want you going out with your friends without her, then she probably won't want you having any friends of your own, then she will be checking up on you in day to day life. This is just my opinion of course, but I can't imagine behaving this way. I am married, and even I wouldn't go through my hsuban'ds phone, why would I? It's his phone. He is still an individual, he is an adult, I shouldn't have to check up on him.

 
Old 04-11-2006, 09:24 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: USA
Posts: 1,420
GypsyArcher HB User
Re: Girlfriend acting really paranoid. Is this a good sign for the long run or a bad sign

Somebody being paranoid is never a good sign of anything. That is closely linked to jealousy, possessiveness, obsessiveness, and being stabbed in your sleep. This girl is really insecure, which is never very attractive (well, maybe to abusers). But...

Quote:
I can understand what she thinks that though, i talk about my ex alot, but definately in the negative way, yet im still talking about her in general.
Sorry to be blunt, but - are you NUTS? How do you think you are going to keep a girlfriend when you talk about your ex all of the time?? If you feel a need to vent, then you do that to your friends - NOT the girl you are dating. I am telling you, from this moment on - do not mention your ex in front of your girlfriend. At all. For any reason. Maybe then will she let up a little. But please stop torturing this girl. She had a crush on you, and now she is finally getting her chance to be with you. Don't ruin it all for her by talking about your ex.
__________________
The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get closer and see that it's astroturf~

 
Old 04-11-2006, 09:26 AM   #4
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 598
MrZeely HB User
Re: Girlfriend acting really paranoid. Is this a good sign for the long run or a bad sign

Wow, that was a good perspective, i never even thought about seeing it that way. Im not the one to be controlled though, if it gets to the extent where you say it is, i will definately end the relationship. I dont see it happening honestly, but that just kind of made me worry for a bit.

I thought she might have been doing this because she is too worried about losing me, a more positive perspective.

 
Old 04-11-2006, 09:29 AM   #5
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 598
MrZeely HB User
Re: Girlfriend acting really paranoid. Is this a good sign for the long run or a bad sign

And yeah, i realized that i should definately stop. I just tell her because my ex did dumb things that used to make me really mad, so i just tried to subtly tell her the dumb things she used to do and what kind of things i did in response, so she knows what things i cannot stand. I guess she doesnt know that my past relationship (with that ex) ended horribly, and i avoid her now at all costs. Now she is a tramp, does tons of drugs, and has a very different personality.

I do understand that it was a terrible idea to bring her up so much, i havent yet since i realized this on Sunday.

 
Old 04-11-2006, 09:47 AM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: USA
Posts: 1,420
GypsyArcher HB User
Re: Girlfriend acting really paranoid. Is this a good sign for the long run or a bad sign

Thing is, it doesn't matter if you hate your ex and wish her the very worst. Even if you bring your ex up in a negative light, what it shows your new girlfriend is that you're still thinking about your ex, in one way or another! She's still occupying your mind. Nobody wants that. No one wants to be pulled into the drama from your past, and reminded of how your ex did things, even if they were BAD things. I'm glad you realized that though, and make it a habit not to bring her up ever again. If you hate her, or are mad at her - that is still an emotion. Nobody wants to think of their boyfriend still having ANY kind of emotion for an ex.

Quote:
I just tell her because my ex did dumb things that used to make me really mad, so i just tried to subtly tell her the dumb things she used to do and what kind of things i did in response, so she knows what things i cannot stand.
Does that really work? Whenever someone tells me not to do something because it annoys them, I make it a point to do it quite frequently. I don't think telling someone "Well, this is what my ex did, and she woke up missing an eyebrow" (paraphrasing, of course) is all that effective. I mean, do you really rattle off lists of things you can't stand in a girlfriend and the subsequent punishments? That would be kind of off-putting, I'd think.
__________________
The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get closer and see that it's astroturf~

 
Old 04-11-2006, 10:04 AM   #7
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 598
MrZeely HB User
Re: Girlfriend acting really paranoid. Is this a good sign for the long run or a bad sign

Yeah i know now, that was a big mistake. I thought about it too, even though im giving her negative attention, its still attention. I made a promise to myself to stop, never mention her at all.

Im still thinking though that its just her way of gaining my trust, and eventually once she gets that, it will wear off.

 
Old 04-11-2006, 10:37 AM   #8
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 274
jenna_250 HB User
Re: Girlfriend acting really paranoid. Is this a good sign for the long run or a bad sign

Wow, that was a good perspective, i never even thought about seeing it that way. Im not the one to be controlled though, if it gets to the extent where you say it is, i will definately end the relationship. I dont see it happening honestly, but that just kind of made me worry for a bit.

I thought she might have been doing this because she is too worried about losing me, a more positive perspective.

Losing you? hello, you just starting to date, there really isn't much to lose here, why this is so serious so quickly is beyond me...one week is nothing, I have never committed to a relationship that quickly. And why would she worry this much about losing you anyways, is she already that dependant on your for her happiness? If she is already this worried about losing you, as you say, she is just going to be worse and worse the longer you date each other. I may be wrong about this, but somehow I don't think so. Being paranoid and behaving this way is never a good sign, in my opinion, whether you have been dating a week or a year or married, just isn't healthy.

 
Old 04-11-2006, 11:03 AM   #9
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 598
MrZeely HB User
Re: Girlfriend acting really paranoid. Is this a good sign for the long run or a bad sign

You're right, i somewhat believe she is just building the trust up too. But if this persists for more than another week or two, something serious is going to need to happen. I have nothing to hide, but its just frustrating because i feel like im being accused.

 
Old 04-11-2006, 01:41 PM   #10
Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 80
Jt7054 HB User
Re: Girlfriend acting really paranoid. Is this a good sign for the long run or a bad sign

Yes, to me this is a very bad sign. Shes behaving like this after a week? I dont care how much you mentioned the ex, that doesnt justify her behavior. Ive been in similar situations and youre in for a headache. I find it especially bad that she looked in your phone, but you couldnt see hers.

When I dated the woman with severe trust issues, I was basically paying for all the guys that screwed her over in the past. After 3 months of this crap, she eventually ended it because she couldnt take dating a guy who was nice to her. She was just constantly looking for faults and things that werent there and it drove her nuts.

 
Old 04-14-2006, 09:09 AM   #11
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Zebulon NC USA
Posts: 170
Celestial_Kel HB User
Re: Girlfriend acting really paranoid. Is this a good sign for the long run or a bad sign

Yes....forget the ex! It does tend to make a new girlfriend a little insecure when you talk about an ex even if you are talking bad about her. After all, what's the point in saying anything anyway? It's your ex....it's over! This girl you are dating though is going through the insecurity thing a bit early in the relationship I think I mean, looking through your phone??? Give it some time though because once she sees that you are really over your ex, she will probably be ok. If you see that she continues to behave in a jealous, irrational manner, then you may have to take a second look at the situation. You may be dealing with a possessive woman who will not let you out of her sight......if that's the case, you have bigger problems to deal with! You really don't want to be with someone who is so jealous you can't even do anything you want to. But give it some more time and see how it goes. I think once she sees you're over her ex, she will be ok. Good Luck!!

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Is my ex girlfriend schizophrenic and does she need help? sum1sumwhere Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill 6 11-05-2009 12:38 PM
Newbie::: My girlfriend loves me but seems to make me worse... mud1ta333 Bipolar Disorder 6 08-14-2008 09:27 PM
Help I'm so hurt! Dutches Bipolar Disorder 194 06-09-2007 07:10 PM
I am so paranoid. Please help. YouKnowImNoGood Schizophrenia 8 05-23-2007 11:19 PM
Girlfriend and partying EWirtz Relationship Health 3 02-21-2007 04:40 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:20 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!