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Old 04-19-2006, 08:19 AM   #1
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charlatans HB User
friends with ex...need advice

im sure most of you know my situation...
boyfriend broke up with me three months ago because i kept breaking up with him, and this had made him lose feelings for me
he started seeing someone new after a month of the breakup...
i kept asking him to come back, telling him how much i loved him etc...but it didnt happen
we stopped talking...
we have started talking again for the past week, especially the last three days...we talk for hours online
we talk about everyhting...sometimes old memories
i messaged him last night saying that i missed the "old you" and he replied "well im still here"
ive told him that i like other guys but dont want to date
he hasnt mentioned anything about the girl who he was seeing and we havent talked about our breakup or feelings or anything like that...its been too long
we have talked about meeting up- but nothing set as of yet

i would like to be his friend and see how it goes...im sure if i was patient enough, and im sure if we ****** and did the things we use to, there may be a good chance that he may develop feelings for me but then again it may not work out...

my friends tell me to wait and see
but i cant...
i find this so frustrating
i want to ask him now...
ideally, id just like to see how things go but i know i cant...i cant do that to myself...i cant wait anymore

maybe i should just tel him? that way, id know. i know he broke up with me, i know i tried to get him back but failed...i know all this...
maybe i should just tell him that i cant talk to him anymore, that i cant be his friend because i still have feelings and this isnt good- and then see what he says...because i cant continue like this...

i know im not thinking in entirely rational way...thats why i need you guys to help me out
what should i do?

 
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Old 04-19-2006, 08:33 AM   #2
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daylight568 HB User
Re: friends with ex...need advice

I think you should leave him alone.Everytime you break up with him is another stomp on his heart.One can only be stomped on so many times.I would withdraw and lose my feelings too if my bf constantly broke up with me everytime we got into a little spat.

 
Old 04-19-2006, 08:36 AM   #3
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Re: friends with ex...need advice

i know its so awful that i kept breaking up with him but i was so insecure...i didnt do it out of spite. i wouldnt do it again.
even a month after we'd broken up, i was still asking him to come back and telling him how much i was in love with him...told him i wouldnt do that again...wouldnt that have made up for it?

we're getting along great...id like just to see how things go but im afraid i really cannot do that...

 
Old 04-19-2006, 08:38 AM   #4
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Re: friends with ex...need advice

How many times have you broke up with him?

 
Old 04-19-2006, 08:38 AM   #5
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SOAPFLAKE HB User
Smile Re: friends with ex...need advice

Charlatans, I can totally relate to this, to be friends with an ex who has broken up with you, is heartbreaking if you are still emotionally attached, which you obviously still are!

I think once you have detached yourself emotionally from him, than review it again and see if you then still want to be friends with him!

Or be totally honest and tell him that you naturally still have emotions connected to him, and that it would be hard on you.

If you decide to be freinds now without being honest with yourself, you will always be hoping, not knowing how to read him, guessing his motives etc, which could then only hurt you again more so!

Again it is only you that can make the right decision, be honest with yourself on how you really feel about him, and no game playing, I've done that, and it normally backfires.

Good luck

 
Old 04-19-2006, 08:42 AM   #6
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cookiepls HB User
Re: friends with ex...need advice

Char,
I thought you were finally over that obsession. What happened?! You need him as your friend about as much as you need Chinese water torture.

 
Old 04-19-2006, 08:43 AM   #7
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Re: friends with ex...need advice

i broke up with him 3/4 time but i always called him a few hours after the breakups and asked for him back

soapflake- i dont think i can ever be his friend...ill always be in love with him

i think im going to tell him later on today that i can no longer talk to him or be his friend because i still have feelings

and you know what? ill be so ok with him saying "yeah ok fair enough" because i hate all this confusion and hurt i go through- ill be glad to see the end of it

i wish i was strong enough to see it through...****** with him, let things come naturally, see if his feelings would come back....there would be a good chance but im not strong enough to do it...

im just so frustrated, im going to tell him later....what do you guys think?

 
Old 04-19-2006, 08:44 AM   #8
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Re: friends with ex...need advice

cookie- i still love him, i think ill always love him....
i can be over him....im doing great...its just that we have started talking and its brought everything back
im prepared to tell him my feelings and if he doesnt feel the same way im more than happy to not talk to him again...and i wont be as cut up as i was before...ill just carry on happily with my life like i have been doing for the past month

 
Old 04-19-2006, 08:47 AM   #9
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Re: friends with ex...need advice

I think you should just stop messaging him starting now.Messaging him just to tell him you aren't going to be a part of his life again will be just putting one more stomp on his heart and breaking it one last time.

 
Old 04-19-2006, 08:48 AM   #10
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Re: friends with ex...need advice

id say that i still have feelings and feel as tho i cant be his friend....then see his reaction...

 
Old 04-19-2006, 08:50 AM   #11
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Re: friends with ex...need advice

ok guys...give me a hand...im talking to him online again
what should i tell him?

 
Old 04-19-2006, 08:50 AM   #12
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SOAPFLAKE HB User
Re: friends with ex...need advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by dsheldon3
I think you should just stop messaging him starting now.Messaging him just to tell him you aren't going to be a part of his life again will be just putting one more stomp on his heart and breaking it one last time.
With all respect I don't think that is what charlatans is saying here!

She is not trying to hurt him, or stomp on his heart, she is trying to protect her own heart from being stomped on.

Charlatans, just be honest with him, and then your know, what his intentions are, and yoou can then put closure to this one way or the other, otherwises this will drag on and on, increasing your unnecesary pain!

Last edited by SOAPFLAKE; 04-19-2006 at 08:51 AM.

 
Old 04-19-2006, 08:52 AM   #13
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Re: friends with ex...need advice

i know
i really want to but i just cant bring myself to physically do it...

 
Old 04-19-2006, 08:53 AM   #14
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SOAPFLAKE HB User
Re: friends with ex...need advice

What about writing a letter!

 
Old 04-19-2006, 08:54 AM   #15
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Re: friends with ex...need advice

no no no
i dont want to go over the top

sigh

maybe its too soon

maybe i still need to give it time...i shouldnt have to force myself to tellhim how i feel...it should come naturally...im just scard of rejection....

 
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