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Old 04-20-2006, 03:26 AM   #1
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charlatans HB User
Arrow i need help before i burst!!

we spent the whole of yesterday online talking....then i tell him i cant be friends because i felt as though my feelings were returning and i couldnt deal with it...he said he was ok with that
then he asked me if we should talk online about it, clear it up...i agreed
i told him about my regrets, doubts, and feelings returning since i had beent alking to him...he said he understood and felt the same
he told me he had broken up with that girl he was seeing and didnt know what was happening with her
he told me that maybe he too couldnt handle bein my friend because he gets jealous etc...
then we spoke for an hour on the phone about whether or not we should be friends and whether or not we should meet up next week to go to an evening lecture and indeed to the one after the week after that
i told him my fears of my feelings coming back, my life being unsettled etc- which is all wrong because my feelings have always been there and ive always been unsettled
he said that he is sorry i feel that way and if meeting up is not a good idea for me, then i should
we had such a great chat on the phone, he was saying the nicest things, we got along so well. then we concluded on the phone that we would meet up
then i sent him a message saying "i dont think i can do this, i still may be in love with you, i dont know, before it gets worse we should stop all contact"- he sent a message back saying yeah ok if that helps but im here if you change your mind
then i message him a few hours later saying "well ive spoken to james and itd be wrong to breakup with him becaue of my feelings towards him, i miss you, i think im just getting confused with missing smeone and wanting/loving somene. ive comapredyou to james and my male friends- i think i do see you in platnic terms- i just miss you thats all so i got ocnfused earlier. ill buy tickets for the lectures tomorrow and ill let you know"
another thing- ive told him that ive been seeing someone for the past month- his name called james- and that because of this whole mess im going to breakup with him- the real thing is that im single and there is no one else
IM SO CONFUSED as to what to do
again, im nt thinking rationally
i literally feel like crying
i dont want to meeet up with him in a week because i love him so much and am scared but at the same time im thinking maybe itd help things, maybe things would change and possibly develop
he did tell me we would always be attracted to one another
he also told me online he was scared to get back together with me because altho we are so attracted to one another, we get alog great, we have the potential to hurt one another....also plus i tink hes still in limbo with this girl
whilst we were talking he said he did have regrets about breaking up with me, because we got along so well and hes never seen a gorgeous girl like me- he said he compares all girls to me. he was messing around on the phone, joking around, and i said to him "i hope you werent like this aruond your ex, maybe thats why she ended things with you" because he was acting like a fool and he replied "no im only like this around you and my cousin"- he said that was a compliment

we get along SO well, we feel so cmfortable around one another
maybe ive just got to meet up with him and see what happens...be his friend...
sometimes i cant see how things wouldnt develop
but he kinda has made it clear that he does agree that if i have these feelings, its best we dont meet up

i wish i didnt want to meet upwith him but it is irresistable

help

do i....
1) tell him how i feel today, the truth, that i love him, and if we could discuss getting back together
2) meet up with him once or twice....and then bring up the issue

i dont think i can wait two weeks to bring it up...
but i dont think ive got any other choice

i love this guy...i really do

i wont doo anything unless ive heard your advice

please put me back on the right path

im feeling so awful....perhaps as worse as i use to feel a few months back

im constantly feelingsick and wanting to cry and sleep

help

Last edited by charlatans; 04-20-2006 at 04:33 AM.

 
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Old 04-20-2006, 05:08 AM   #2
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charlatans HB User
Re: i need help before i burst!!

another update- we're speaking online and i told him that id broken up with my boyfriend (who doesnt exist)
i dotn want to lie anymore

 
Old 04-20-2006, 05:23 AM   #3
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Re: i need help before i burst!!

Char,

I really don't know what to really say. first of all he already knows you are in love with him.

What did he say when you told him about the (non exist) guy?

to me if my guy would ever call me up and ask me if I would like to meet up I don't know what I would do. But I would at least flat out tell him the truth about me true feelings and I would want more out of the relationship.

 
Old 04-20-2006, 05:37 AM   #4
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mayam HB User
Re: i need help before i burst!!

You seem to be obsessing and spending so much time on all this, going round and round in circles.

If you talked to him all day yesterday, then you two must be all talked out. Reading all the other messages you posted as well, I am not surprised that you want to sleep - you must be exhausted.

Why not try and take your mind off this and go and do something else that doesn't involve your ex. Switch off the computer and go out of the house.

It may help you to get things more in perspective. Good luck.

 
Old 04-20-2006, 05:42 AM   #5
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Re: i need help before i burst!!

I don't get it, you want to be friends with this guy and then you don't. You tell him you have a boyfriend when you really don't. You are playing head games this with guy.

If you care about him, then stop lying and playing games. Right now you have a friendship. An e-mail, on-line, phone friendship. Let your friendship turn into something more. Your emotions are all over the place that even you can't pinpoint how you feel.

I really wish you would give yourself some time and space to decide what you really want. It doesn't have to be all or nothing right now. You two have a lot to sort out and you shouldn't plan on jumping right back into a relationship in one day. It can't be discussed over e-mail or the phone. You have to allow a relationship to "work" itself out. You are trying to steer it in a certain direction when in reality you have no control over it b/c you can't figure out what you really want.

My advice is to let this ride and what is meant to be will happen. But please stop the back and forth with this poor guy. You have a friendship now. If you want to get together next week, then do it. It will be good to see him. Allow your relationship to grow from here. Stop trying to control every aspect of it.

 
Old 04-20-2006, 05:44 AM   #6
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Re: i need help before i burst!!

thanks for your replies, everyone.

keltokel- phew thankyyou i just need to calm dwn a little

i think its best if i just let it happen naturally, that is if anything is going to happen...i should just be friends with him, go out with him etc...see what happens, yeah?

 
Old 04-20-2006, 05:49 AM   #7
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SOAPFLAKE HB User
Re: i need help before i burst!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by KeltoKel
I don't get it, you want to be friends with this guy and then you don't. You tell him you have a boyfriend when you really don't. You are playing head games this with guy.

If you care about him, then stop lying and playing games. Right now you have a friendship. An e-mail, on-line, phone friendship. Let your friendship turn into something more. Your emotions are all over the place that even you can't pinpoint how you feel.

I really wish you would give yourself some time and space to decide what you really want. It doesn't have to be all or nothing right now. You two have a lot to sort out and you shouldn't plan on jumping right back into a relationship in one day. It can't be discussed over e-mail or the phone. You have to allow a relationship to "work" itself out. You are trying to steer it in a certain direction when in reality you have no control over it b/c you can't figure out what you really want.

My advice is to let this ride and what is meant to be will happen. But please stop the back and forth with this poor guy. You have a friendship now. If you want to get together next week, then do it. It will be good to see him. Allow your relationship to grow from here. Stop trying to control every aspect of it.
I totally agree with the above, please stop the games!

Last edited by SOAPFLAKE; 04-20-2006 at 05:50 AM.

 
Old 04-20-2006, 05:51 AM   #8
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charlatans HB User
Re: i need help before i burst!!

i dont think he has feelings tho...otherwise he wudnt be talking abuot this other girl...he wouldnt agree saying that if i had thosefeelings, maybe its a good idea we dont meet up etc
i dont know what to do

Last edited by charlatans; 04-20-2006 at 05:51 AM.

 
Old 04-20-2006, 05:52 AM   #9
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SOAPFLAKE HB User
Re: i need help before i burst!!

BUT, what about you talking about this other guy!

 
Old 04-20-2006, 05:53 AM   #10
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charlatans HB User
Re: i need help before i burst!!

ive stopped all that....i told him its over because of the conversation we had last night its made me very confused
my ex felt bad, he wanted to call, but i said id call him later...
hmmmm
shall i jsut be friends with him and see how it goes?

Last edited by charlatans; 04-20-2006 at 05:55 AM.

 
Old 04-20-2006, 05:59 AM   #11
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daylight568 HB User
Re: i need help before i burst!!

I'm really starting to feel sorry for this poor guy,lol.

 
Old 04-20-2006, 06:14 AM   #12
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US40126 HB User
Re: i need help before i burst!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by dsheldon3
I'm really starting to feel sorry for this poor guy,lol.
Me too!!!! I'm sorry Char, I love ya, you have helped me alot, but I'm starting to cringe reading your posts. You really are making such a fool of yourself. You can't keep playing games, you can't keep going back and forth with him. Remember the reason he broke up with you in the first place?? ...because you played games with him, because you kept breaking up with him..........You are going to push him away and blow any chance you may have with him right now. Just let things develop. He just got out of this reltaionship with the other girl, you can't expect him to jump back into one with you. In my opinion, he is obviously interested in you, I think he's afraid...give it time..let things naturally happen. Sorry to sound harsh Char, but you really need to stop with the games or you will lose him forever.

 
Old 04-20-2006, 06:45 AM   #13
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Re: i need help before i burst!!

Char, first off you need to calm down. You also need to acknowledge that you have been playing games with this guy. I strongly believe in honesty because to me one of the worst things someone can do is play games with me especially when it comes to my emotions and heart. There is a saying I live by from a relative of mine.."son always tell the truth then you never have to remember what you said." How do you think he would feel if he finds out you have been lying to him? I know it is hard to think of others at times like this, but you really have to look at how your actions can and will affect him. Trust me I know how hard it is to show compassion and empathy towards someone who ripped your heart out. You need to be honest with yourself and him. You are doing neither one of you any favors by making up stories and all. I am here to support you, but I also strongly believe you need to see what you are doing is wrong. Please stop leading him on, as well as yourself, and just be honest. Tell the truth and get on with life. This is no way to live. You will miss out on so much by living this way. I hope this wasn't too harsh for you. You are an amazing person with or without him. Please realize that.

 
Old 04-20-2006, 07:05 AM   #14
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Nina000 HB User
Re: i need help before i burst!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by dsheldon3
I'm really starting to feel sorry for this poor guy,lol.
I actually feel sorry for YOU Charlatans. This is the last time I am going to tell you what I think:
He is somebody who let you down once, he could do it TWICE and THREE times and FOREVER. Dump him. You are not second-best and he is NOt doing you a favour by calling you AFTER he broke up with this girl. You arte not on the margine and a substitute, ok?

You did well without him, and he didn't stand by you when you were breaking down before. He might have been with the other girl. The fact that he could think of someone shows that there is a gap in your relationship. This guy is NOT genuine.
You were strong without him, don't allow him to threaten your happiness and peace of mind anytime he wants to. Give him a one-way ticket, if you love yourself enough. He will NEVER find a girl who loves him like you did. It's HIS LOSS. Enough of him in your life now, ok?

Last edited by Nina000; 04-20-2006 at 07:05 AM.

 
Old 04-20-2006, 07:27 AM   #15
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Re: i need help before i burst!!

I agree with Nina. I think he's probably only talking to you because this other girl dumped him and he needs an ego boost from you. He wants to know that someone (you) still wants him and finds him desirable. It's just my opinion. He surely didn't think of you or how it would make you feel when he was making out with this girl in front of you ON PURPOSE. He wanted to hurt your feelings deliberately--not a nice guy. Maybe there was a good reason why you kept breaking up with him in the past--ask yourself that.

 
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