I have never been in such a difficult situation in my life. I met up with an old high school friend (male) no more then a month ago, we went out, did a lot of things, etc etc... Mean while, I've told my ex boyfriend EVERYTHING, I never left anything out. I told him about how my friend was coming onto me a lot, and everything. All he ever said was "well maybe you shouldn't see him anymore." But, I liked his friendship, so I kept giving him chances. Some background, by ex boyfriend and I have had A WONDERFUL relationship, did the whole long distance thing, and now he's back. We've been together 9 months. So, I was confused that maybe I was getting feelings for my friend, but NOW I know that I just realy wanted a close friend. He wanted other things. I told my ex boyfriend that we should go on a small break from eachother so I could figure things out. I did, I was going to get rid of my friend, but instead we slept together. I told my ex boyfriend, and he was SO UPSET... he considers it cheating, even though technically we were on a break. And to me, it feels like cheating too. All of this has happend about a week ago. My ex boyfriend (yeah, he broke up with me) was just so upset, and he hasn't hardly talk to me since, and feels like we could never go back to our relationship. Even though I feel/ and have told him that what I did with the friend was a mistake, and I don't know what I was thinking, or why I did it. I cry every day for what I did, what I lost and what I can't have back. I wish so bad for us to try to work things out, but he just doesn't seem to want to. He says he wants to "heal alone" but when i stopped by his house to give him back a shirt early in the morning, a female answered the door. A friend, yes, but how is he "healing alone?" I wish I could fix things. Does anyone have any advice what I can tell him, what I can say to encourage him to work on our relationship, and not head for the hills? I can't MAKE HIM, I know, but I'm sorry, and I wish I could just delete my "friend" out of my life and persue the person I love. Please help me. I do believe that relationships can work after something like this, it was a one time thing, and I regret it. Why does he hate me, and how can I/we fix it... Thank you guys.
Last edited by KaraKaraKara; 06-10-2006 at 04:12 PM.
I'm not totally sure you can fix this, but I completely identify with and understand where you are coming from. When you screw up and make a mistake, all you can really do is try to learn from it, not repeat it, apologize, and make amends if possible. Some men are willing to forgive cheating in some situations, and others aren't--that's his choice. All you can do is explain that you are sorry, that you didn't want to hurt him, that it will never happen again, etc. But honestly, I don't think he is the right man for you if he cannot get over this and give you another chance. If he really wanted to make it work, he has that within his power, but unfortunately, it's kind of out of your hands now. I'm going through something similar and boy is it tricky...anyway I wish you well, and no matter what, try not to stress out too much or beat yourself up about your mistakes.
Most guys will dump a gf the first time she cheats, unlike a lot of women who will cling to hope for years. I think most guys are a little wiser in this area.
You said you figured things out and you decided to end the friendship with this guy. Instead you slept with him. All I can do is look at it from my own past experiences with cheating boyfriends. I would never be able to fully trust that person again. In order to protect myself from further hurt, I would have to end the relationship. Maybe that's what he's doing too. I don't know.
I do know this breakup is very painful to you. I'm so sorry. I don't think he hates you Kara. It does sound like he has decided to move on though.
Hi Kara, you say your recent ex boyfriend you were with for 9 months as a long distance relationship. You met up with an old friend who obviously likes you, and you were then confused about your feelings for your boyfriend! your boyfriend is then back on the scene, and you decieded to suggest a break from him to try and work out your feelings!
But during this break you carried on seeing your friend and then slept with him!
You told your boyfriend who you were on a break from and he said you had cheated and dumped you! well I tend to see his point, you were confused, he gave you your space, the relationship was not over, you were supposed to be working through your feelings! the fact you slept with this freind, your now ex boyfriend would of felt that you had him on stand by, whilst you were with this freind, to see how you felt about the freind!
The fact that you slept with this friend, that in itself should be enough for you to know that your feelings for your then boyfriend were not deep, and as real as perhaps you would now hope!
Nine months is no time, he was also away some of that time, if you had been sure of your feelings for him, you wouldn't of been so easily led.
I think you want your ex back now, because he now doesn't want you!
I am sorry this seems to have back fired for you, do him and yourself a favour and move on.
cheating is one of the most hurtful things you can do to someone you supposedly care about. I mean, you slept with this other guy. You two shared your body with each other and the image of that is probably eating at your boyfriend ( or ex boyfriend)! Can you imagine how you would feel if he had cheated on you? Like I just wrote in another thread, all you can do is ask him to forgive you. But if he chooses to not see you anymore, can you really blame him? Trust is a BIG issue in relationships, and it's gone now! Now, you have to be willing to give him his space and decide what he wants to do. If that means he don't want to see you anymore, then so be it. You will have to move on and learn from this and hopefully you will not do this again in your next relationship. I wish you both luck in whatever happens!
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