When they would visit, when I was a child, I was usually ignored and even until this day as an adult it is still that way. I always felt bad and inferior and that I had to try harder to be a better person and to be noticed. I always felt that I was at the very bottom of the totum poll and did not count.
The only persons that ever paid some attention to me was my mom. My grandmothers and one aunt and cousin spent some time with me when I was younger and small but now it is like they have disconnected with me almost completely. But what bugs me is the rest of the family that never tried to get to know me nor do they now try to connect even in spite of all the great technology that can keep families together. I've had one rich uncle that has snubbed me and has refused to reply to my friendly emails. I have one cousin who is only seven years older than me also snub me by not replying my emails.
I am not a low life skum person who has brought trouble to any of these people. I've always been sensitive, helpful and trying my best to get on peoples good sides. I am nearly finished with my degree in a mental health field. I have a good solid GPA. I am interested in pursuing a masters degree as soon as I graduate. I've had some success in prior jobs. I have collected reference letters from supervisors at places I've volunteered my time to the community and also in past jobs. I've worked out and lost a lot of flab even though I was never fat or even chubby, only out of shape and flabbyish.
I think that I've done so many good things in my life that go rewarded and I acknowledge it but my family does not. It seems that no matter what I do it is like I was rejected at birth. Like some parts of my family hated me since long ago and it had to do maybe with my parents and the two families not getting along or not knowing each other or culture clash? I am not sure what it is but I've always felts disliked and unloved by the majority of my family especially my own father (who has a Dr. Jekkly Mr Hyde personality problem). I don't know if maybe they knew I was gay and that is why the have a hidden animosity and hatred?? I don't know if that is true because I don't tell anybody in my family anything about my sexuality. So this has always bothered me and I am still bothered by the fact that I am being snubbed. It is like I have nobody.
I know people that are in college and they have everybody at their fingertips. Their cousins, their uncles, their family, everybody is there for them and life just isn't fair for me. I am so bitter and cold because of that and the fact that nobody can give me what I want for once. If I try to create some fun times with friends it is usually never fun because there is that hidden animosity that people are not telling me about, they are hiding something that they dislike or hate about me. it could include envy and jealousy because I try to look good, act friendly, and be pro social. But they will not tell me what it is, they just snub me and then act like everything is normal, or if I am not being snubbed then my friends will challenge or compete with me and that is not my idea of just being laid back and relaxing and having some fun with friends. That is all that I ever wanted and have yet to get it for soooo many many many years. It almost seems like I am asking for WAY too much and that my idea of fun and friendship and good times with family is way too out there, too ideal and too Utopian.
I am not sure if it is common for their to be this type of arrogance in families and within friends?
Last edited by strongernow; 07-09-2006 at 08:39 PM.
I think it is almost universal that families do not get along. But not replying to emails is not always intended as a snub--some people just don't check it or reply no matter who writes them, especially older people. None of the families I have observed seems to function with everyone really liking everyone else all the time. In fact, many families seem to have more hateful relationships with each other than loving ones, and even happy families usually have some relatives that don't like each other and don't get along. In several families I have observed lately, most of the siblings are not on speaking terms with several other siblings, which to me as an only child seems crazy to be common, but probably isn't unusual. So I really wouldn't worry, try instead to find friends or kind of adopted family friends who you truly like because you can't get new relatives, unfortunately. I cannot stand most of my mother's family, as I think they are lazy greedy scumbag hypocrites and they think I'm a crazy communist hippie, but it doesn't bother me like it used to because I have realized I cannot control or change them. The saying "you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends" is so true. Even though I don't like most of my family, I make sure that each and every one of my friends is someone who I like, respect, and admire, and I try not to have friends who don't treat me the same way in return. That is the best advice I can give you about family stuff-don't try to change them, and don't feel bad about things outside of your control. Chances are your family had many problems before you were even conceived!
aww thanks Veronica. I feel better already. I really do. I like that perspective. I always saw my family as the appointed congress and I had just to agree with everything they said and believed because they were the "Appointed congress" and they make all the right decisions for me. My opinion never or rarely counted or had much weight. So it makes sense that if this "congress" decided a long time ago that they didn't like me too much or didn't respect me then I figured that I wasn't worth the time, energy, love, care or respect, or interest of the family because it had already been decided by the congress that I was inferior and flawed. Unfortunately I have accepted that for so long and I am working super hard from a stand point of inferiority and being very flawed and rancid. It seems like I always have to gloss over my flaws so the family doesn't point them out and make a mockery of me. It feels like my family holds this extreme power almost in the form of like a government a very conservative rigid passive aggressive type government.
And you could be right about my rich uncle not responding to my emails. He does send a check every christmas but like I said has never been interested in engaging in a coversation with me. Has always been aloof and self centered and very superior acting.
Last edited by strongernow; 07-09-2006 at 09:05 PM.
I think that I've done so many good things in my life that go rewarded and I acknowledge it but my family does not. It seems that no matter what I do it is like I was rejected at birth. ...
It is like I have nobody.
I know people that are in college and they have everybody at their fingertips. Their cousins, their uncles, their family, everybody is there for them and life just isn't fair for me. I am so bitter and cold because of that and the fact that nobody can give me what I want for once.
I don't know, but I have many of the same feelings myself. The only person in my family that I ever felt truely cared about me and would have done anything for me was my father. But he has since passed, and I was left all alone to fend for myself. Other than my grandmother and two aunts (all from his side), I have no other family in my life.
I feel the same. I get so bitter and angry sometimes, because I look around and see everyone else all having family behind them to support them in some way or another - I mean at least if things fall down, these people have somewhere to turn to. It's pretty hard going thru life knowing you have no where to turn in your darkest moments. I really believe having family is such a huge part of turning out a successful life. I feel like I am held back from so many things, just because I don't have family - something that is out of my contol.
Well, sorry, didn't mean to be all about me, but, I feel for you. I really do.
I know I have spent my life trying to do my absolute best to make it on my own, and though every area of my life is not where I want it to be, I have come alot further than I ever imagined I would. I guess all I can do is encourage you to do the same and never let anyone else bring you down. I guess, unfortunately, sometimes we can only play the hand we are dealt.
And, for what it's worth, there is at least someone out here that has to deal with the same familial problems.
I know how you feel. I was in a simaliar situation. My Mother ignored me unless she wanted something. She never said good things about me or to me about my accomplishments unless she was bragging to her friends. I was the 2nd youngest of 6 kids. My 2 older sister's teamed up and didn't want to have anything to do with me one of my older brothers was out of the house before we could even bond. Another older brother of mine did hang around with me and I was a little tomboy. He eventually ran away from home and started his own life and I was left alone. My little sister was spoiled and always got me into trouble but now we have grown close. I too did what I could to make people happy. I would come home looking for praise for a good grade or something from my Mother and she would tell me "you could have done better"! I eventually learned that no matter what I did she would never be happy with me. My mother's family scorned us because we were a different race and my father's family was more into drinking than any family time. I thought about being a counselor myself but never liked school that much. You made it there and I think that is great! This time is for you now so stop trying to please everyone and let them make the effort to be near you! If they don't well than use your experiences in your job to try and change things for someone else you might come across with the same issues. Good luck!