A little background info before I start, I am 17 with fairly trusting parents, she is 19 with protective parents.
I few days ago I was at my GF house. We where "mucking" around in her room. Her father instructs her to leave her door open whenever I am there. He works night shifts so sleeps mostly during the day. As we have done this a few times before, we (I blame myself, she won't let me) got slack and her father saw us. He didn't say anything, but later told My GF (we need a name don't we... okay "Sam") he later told Sam that day, and threatened that if we sees us again we will not be able to come back to her house.
Now I think (as does Sam, in fact she said it would mean allot to her if I did) that I have a talk to him. Now, her father has said that she is not allowed to have intercourse “under his roof” regardless of this we have agreed not to have sex anyway for a while. But we believe he thought we were having sex. We think it would be a good idea to make sure he knows this and knows that I will care for Sam.
One problem, I am a very shy person, and it takes months for me to become comfortable with someone. I do not mind answering intrusive questions (regarding me - regarding Sam or parts of our relationship I would) that would be easy for me, but talking to him where I start most of the sentences is very difficult for me. If he brought up the conversation that wouldn’t be too bad, but I doubt he will. I have no clue how to start the entire line of conversation anyway. I think I need some help with how to approach her father. And how to start the conversation.
Why can't your girlfriend talk to her dad herself? Would he not believe her that the two of you are not having sex? If he won't believe his own daughter, what makes him think he will believe you?
Maybe you could try to work on building a better relationship with her father in general. It doesn't seem as though he likes or trusts you very much, and maybe that is because he doesn't know you too well. Perhaps if you feels he knows you better as a person he won't be so wary of you.
It's a tough situation to be over eighteen and still living at home when your parents are very strict. Can't your girlfriend get her own apartment? That way she won't have to deal with dad still having his nose in her business.
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I can understand why your GF thinks it would be a good idea for you to talk to her dad. For one, it'd make her feel special that you were willing to do it. Secondly, if her dad is old-fashioned, that is the way old-fashioned people do it. For example, the guy is always supposed to ask his girl's dad's permission for her hand in marriage. So I get where you're coming from.
I'd be very cautious as to how to proceed. For one, what you say to him might backfire on you. If her dad is an angry person, for example, he might think you are moving too fast with his daughter or that you aren't being truthful to him, etc. etc. He sees you as a young boy trying to "get into his daughter's pants" (which I see from your posts on another board, you've been very successful in doing).
What I would suggest is getting to know him better, without discussing your relationship with his daughter (i.e. do guy things like fishing or watching sports, etc -- or even just eating dinner with the family). Then, when he warms up to you a bit, you tell him how much you respect and love his daughter, about your decision that you want to not have sex until marriage (or whatever it may be), and how you respect his house and his rules. But then you have to do as you say.
You say it takes months before you're comfortable with someone. That might just be how long it will take before you can have this conversation.
Even though she's a legal adult, I can see somewhat where her dad is coming from. My parents wouldn't let me sleep in the same room with the man who was my fiance at the time because we weren't married. Even though I was 18-20 years old. If I was under their roof, I had to respect their rules.
Maybe you could try to work on building a better relationship with her father in general. It doesn't seem as though he likes or trusts you very much, and maybe that is because he doesn't know you too well. Perhaps if you feels he knows you better as a person he won't be so wary of you.
I to feel he doesn't trust or like me too much. If I do talk to him, I think it would be best until at least we know each other better.
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It's a tough situation to be over eighteen and still living at home when your parents are very strict. Can't your girlfriend get her own apartment? That way she won't have to deal with dad still having his nose in her business.
We are both at uni, and have 5 day-a-week time tables, none of us could find the time to work to afford an apartment. Her father may be going to Darwin (Australia) and if she excepts taking his place (where she is) it would be $100 dollars a week. But in three years we are both going to Sydney for studies, when there we plan to get an apartment together. (Only way we could ever afford it)
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I can understand why your GF thinks it would be a good idea for you to talk to her dad. For one, it'd make her feel special that you were willing to do it. Secondly, if her dad is old-fashioned, that is the way old-fashioned people do it. For example, the guy is always supposed to ask his girl's dad's permission for her hand in marriage. So I get where you're coming from.
He is a fairly old-fashioned father.
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I'd be very cautious as to how to proceed. For one, what you say to him might backfire on you. If her dad is an angry person, for example, he might think you are moving too fast with his daughter or that you aren't being truthful to him, etc. etc. He sees you as a young boy trying to "get into his daughter's pants" (which I see from your posts on another board, you've been very successful in doing).
I plan to be cautious and plan it out very thoroughly. And truth be told I am not trying to get in her pants, I wouldn’t mind if our relationship omitted all sexual activity, I just love her I want her to be happy. I don’t “think” he is too angry.
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What I would suggest is getting to know him better, without discussing your relationship with his daughter (i.e. do guy things like fishing or watching sports, etc -- or even just eating dinner with the family).
Ugh okay.. I hate “manly” thing. Fishing, watching sport. And none of them eat as a family. :P But I’ll see what I can do. I love war stuff, (He was in one) I feel it has scarred him. He is a little too obsessed with war object than is healthy IMO.
[quote]Then, when he warms up to you a bit, you tell him how much you respect and love his daughter, about your decision that you want to not have sex until marriage (or whatever it may be), and how you respect his house and his rules. But then you have to do as you say. [quote]We have planned not to do anything other than hugging and kissing at her place. But I do want to tell my thoughts of her.
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You say it takes months before you're comfortable with someone. That might just be how long it will take before you can have this conversation.
hmm okay.
[q]Even though she's a legal adult, I can see somewhat where her dad is coming from. My parents wouldn't let me sleep in the same room with the man who was my fiance at the time because we weren't married. Even though I was 18-20 years old. If I was under their roof, I had to respect their rules.[/q]Once he is out of his house, he doesn’t mind what she does. His only reason to stop her from having sex is so it doesn’t “screw her life up”, a baby so young when she is at uni etc. I don’t know why he thinks protection doesn’t work; he is not a religious man. I doubt we will wait until marriage if it happens, but we certainly won’t until we get a place together.
All I can say is good luck buddy. If her dad is anything like mine, it's going to take a VERY long time to get comfortable with the idea of you even touching her. I'm almost 23 and my boyfriend is 22 and my dad STILL has issues with me and my boyfriend.
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