should people in committed relationships still be friends with their exes? - Relationship Health Message Board

missbrit · 07-13-2006, 01:53 PM

i think the thread on being married and having opposite sex friends is interesting. i am also interested in what people think of this, since I am not married but am dealing with the ex issues in a long term relationship (a year and a half)......i don't want to see things as only one sided.......i would love some perspective on this issue! Personally, in the past, exes have come between me and current relationships.............what has been your experience? how do you view it? thanks!

keepsgoin · 07-13-2006, 02:04 PM

I probably am not the best person to answer this because I absolutely loath my BFs X...so my answer is NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haha!!!!!!!!!!

But anyway...everyone's situation is a little different. Sometimes people just grow apart and their Ex's are pretty decent people so it could be possible but only if the current partner is OK with it. I think it's a bit hard to swallow when you know that your partners EX was a sorry, good for nothing, cheating, emotionally abusive, immature nutcase though

How can a partner be OK with their partner being a "friend" with someone that was a horrible person when they were together...right? I mean I have seriously asked my BF why in the world would he consider this woman to be a friend after the way she treated him...he honestly couldn't answer me...whatever!!!!!!!!!!?

Destea · 07-13-2006, 03:38 PM

Hahah, I can sort of feel for the above response, when someone is a horrible partner - someone who supposedly LOVES you - how on EARTH could they make a good friend? Yikes.

Personally, I guess it happens, but I'm not really a big fan of sticking close to my exes, that's in the past and I have no interest in continuing that relationship on any level. If I'd had a child with someone, I suppose that's necessary, but someone just standard issue from the past - truthfully I find that whole notion really creepy.

Hanging out w/ someone you slept with for however long while you're in a new relationship is just *weird* to me. Bleck.

Eath · 07-13-2006, 03:47 PM

A friend may not be someone you can live with and sometimes this is found out the hard way.

A lover is sometimes not the best of friends.

GypsyArcher · 07-13-2006, 04:06 PM

In a word, no. But like it has been pointed out above, everyone's situation is different. I used to hang out with my ex earlier on in my current relationship, and I did it for several reasons. I knew he still liked me and wanted me back, and I got off on knowing that and being able to tease him. Plus I had fun with him as a 'friend.' This was before I grew up and realized what a total moron I was. I used to exclaim to my boyfriend about how I was hanging out with my ex and how much he still wanted me...as if this was something my boyfriend really wanted to hear. Finally I got the memo that this was hurting him and I stopped talking to or going near my ex, infact I stopped going out at all, period.

I would think that in most cases it is going to be a sore spot for people to know their SO talks to and/or hangs out with a person they used to be (and could possibly still be, even faintly) attracted to, in love with, and intimate with. I think when it comes down to it, it is a matter of respect to cut your exes out of the picture once you have a new serious relationship. As selfish as I am, I could have ignored or discounted how my boyfriend felt about me still seeing my ex, but I knew I loved my boyfriend more than anything and I had no right to do that to him. I could never feel "right" knowing that he was out there doing his thing while I was hanging out in some bar letting my ex flirt with me. No way. And the truth is I am much better off with my ex completely out of my life, anyway.