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Old 07-18-2006, 11:26 AM   #1
D31 D31 is offline
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How to I learn to stop reading into things !!!!

I am 33 and seperated.... not a bad one.. we grew apart. And we are still friends. He has a new girl freind whom I have met and she is really nice. I am happy for him. I to have been with someone since.., for 3 years now. Now he is younger than me 25. He has his issues but is dealing with them for the first time. And doing well. But as long as I can remember I always read into things...sit and worry. I am already on Paxil for anxiety and have had to up the dose. Atleast now I can sleep nights. I used to lie awake for hours worrying. But now my problem is I read into everything my b/f says or does... if his voice takes a certain tone.. or what ever.... but I do that with everyone. And I think back and I have always done that. It is like I try and prepare myself.. to try and protect myself from getting hurt. I mean I get hurt regardless but I think well maybe not such a shock if I mentally prepare myself. But then it causes problems.. How do I break that cycle? Just take it one moment at a time? I have tried and it is really hard.

 
Old 07-18-2006, 12:12 PM   #2
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Re: How to I learn to stop reading into things !!!!

I do the same thing, so I know where you're coming from. But I used to be a lot worse. One thing that jumped out at me from your post is your use of the phrase "mentally prepare myself". I used to always have a little voice in the back of my head telling me to not get too comfortable with a boyfriend, because it might not work out. This is self-sabotage. We may think we are protecting ourselves from future hurt, but the fact is if the bad event we feared does come to pass, we are really no better prepared by having assumed the worst. However, it doesn't hurt to think about what it is you really are afraid of happening. You mention his age, so does that have something to do with it? Are you concerned he won't commit to you in a meaningful way? I went through something similar, and tried everything to avoid thinking about it, but finally had to address it.

My advice to you is to take things at face value. If your boyfriend wants to give you some message other than what's coming out of his mouth, then he'll probably let you know. But if your gut instinct tells you that this may not be the right thing for you, then address it with him as soon as possible.

 
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Old 07-18-2006, 01:49 PM   #3
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Re: How to I learn to stop reading into things !!!!

I wish I had some good advice for you other than to echo what Bulletproof said, but I wanted to say that I am this way too, so you're not alone. Some people are just worriers/anxious/pessimistic by nature, and all you can do is try to control the impulses that negatively affect you as much as you can. Basically I have to remind myself constantly NOT TO WORRY about something, because worrying does no good, and to either take some sort of preemptory action if something is bothering you, or else to do whatever it takes to distract yourself and let it go. This is of course much easier said than done, unfortunately, but still seems to be worth the effort even if you aren't 100% successful.

 
Old 07-18-2006, 03:01 PM   #4
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Re: How to I learn to stop reading into things !!!!

I think it's something that happens sweetie. You can't always teach someone how to not worry or how to not read something in to everything. I worry all the time about things and as much as I want and try to stop, I worry more.

The only thing I can tell you is that I just do my best to accept that what is going to happen is going to happen regardless of how much I worry. My worry is not going to stop anything from happening. My mantra sometimes is "It is what it is".

Worrying can really do a bad number on you emotionally as well as physically. Basically, try really hard to take things as they come. Try not to dwell on what it could be, rather enjoy the good things that come your way.

 
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