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Old 07-23-2006, 06:05 PM   #1
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idared04 HB User
Dirty little secret.....

ok so here is the problem, one day I was using my boyfriends computer and the history of websites popped up and i saw a couple a porn cites......yeah I know!

He is not a pervert or anything and i don't know how normal it is for guys to look at porn even though they have girlfriends.

Well I was disturbed by that so later that night i confronted him about those pron cites because i dont understand why he would want to look at that when he has me. I would rather look at porn together then him by himself just because i think thats weird. After i confronted him he thought i was gonna judge him and all that jazz, but i just wanted to know why he would even want to look at porn.

I have never been an insecure person because i trust easily. but am i just being too insecure or does anybody understand my point?

Well now those insecurities have gotten worse and I am constantly wondering if he still looks at it and i dont want to be that type of girlfriend who is constantly checking up on her boyfriend because i have a life too, and i trust him alot, but the thought just grosses me out.............help! How can I handle this situation?

Thoughts & Ideas from both males and females are great appreciated, Thanks!

 
Old 07-23-2006, 07:33 PM   #2
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angeleyes0906 HB User
Re: Dirty little secret.....

Just relax, unless they were questionable sites (depicting degredation or abusiveness) most men will look regardless of having gf, wives, ect. They are visual creatures, they enjoy looking. May be insecurity on your part if you feel he is looking at women different from you and how do you measure up against these sites in your mind. I wouldn't worry about it unless it becomes an addition issue or starts to spend lots of money accessing these sites.

 
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Old 07-23-2006, 07:55 PM   #3
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US40126 HB User
Re: Dirty little secret.....

I would rather that my bf look at porn (women he will never meet in real life) as opposed to real life girls...I would chill. Alot of men look at porn, it is just something they do

 
Old 07-23-2006, 09:01 PM   #4
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Bracelet HB User
Re: Dirty little secret.....

You seriously need to chill, because if you keep bugging him about it, you're going to make him not want to be with you anymore. The fact of the matter is that men are visual by nature, and they are far, far more stimulated by visual things than women. All guys, at some point in their lives, look at porn. I don't care what they say, if they say they've never seen any, they are lying.

It's very common for guys in relationships or married guys to look at porn. The only time it's an issue is when it becomes all they do and it takes over their entire life. If they're obsessed with it, then it's a problem. But if it's just that they look at it sometimes to get their jollies, it's really not a big deal.

And I really don't understand why you're so insecure about it. Do you honestly think he would ever actually meet a girl like that in person? And do you think if that highly unlikely scenario were to ever happen (which it wouldn't), do you honestly believe she'd want to sleep with him? Most likely NO. So what are you so insecure about? Are you worried because you think they're prettier than you or something? Because, it's also a fact that guys only look at those girls for the visual, but they wouldn't actually want to BE with them, because they prefer a real woman who they can share their lives with. You should be happy that he views you as a partner in life and not just as an empty face on a screen that doesn't have any bearing on his future.

 
Old 07-23-2006, 10:49 PM   #5
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Skoobi HB User
Re: Dirty little secret.....

While surfing the web WITH my husband, he typed in .com on a site that is a .org. Sent us right to a porn site.

Keep an open mind. If my husband had decided to look for this certain site before I got home, it would have looked like he was looking at a porn site.

Have you thought of looking at a few sites together? Are you open to that?

 
Old 07-23-2006, 11:30 PM   #6
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Mr.G HB User
Re: Dirty little secret.....

Actually I think it would be a lot less normal if he did not look at any porn. It is completley normal and healthy.

 
Old 07-24-2006, 04:05 AM   #7
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Re: Dirty little secret.....

Yep, the secret is out - men like to look at porn - but so do women too! I wouldn't worry about your boyfriend's habits unless it is something he does 24/7. Men are visual creatures and most men I know like porn. Like an earlier poster said, as long as it isn't something "freaky" when I wouldn't worry about it much.

 
Old 07-24-2006, 06:11 AM   #8
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Re: Dirty little secret.....

I personally don't think it's anything to get worked up about, unless, like other posters mentioned, it's not the run-of-the-mill stuff or he becomes addicted to it.

Folks have been looking at porn for years and years. It's nothing new. My dad always had a stack of Playboys in his bathroom, what he referred to as the "Masturbatorium." The type of media seems to be more focused on the Net nowadays, but I think it's pretty normal that most guys -- and some ladies, too! -- look at porn with or without their partners.

 
Old 07-24-2006, 06:21 AM   #9
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Re: Dirty little secret.....

I agree with the others! it is totally normal for a guy to have fantasies and look at porn sites!

If that is all he is doing, than you are really lucky! I also found some pictures that my present boyfreind had looked at, although it bothered me for a bit, I never brought it up, and forgot about it.

Now if he was looking at men on a site, then I would be worried.

 
Old 07-24-2006, 07:02 AM   #10
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jenna_250 HB User
Re: Dirty little secret.....

I don't think this is a big deal either. I have accidentally come accross some sites my husband was looking at, and we both had a good laugh about it. Not something to get this worked up about.

 
Old 07-24-2006, 01:19 PM   #11
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idared04 HB User
Re: Dirty little secret.....

ha ha ha thank you to everybody who posted back to me!

I have only asked him about it once and that's it!

I guess the reason I am so paranoid is because of the what if's.....

By that I mean what if these people email him and he emails them back? and they start having this email thing going on!

I hate secrets and I would never hide anything from him and deep down I know he wouldn't hide anything from me either, but what if this is his dirty little secret and I'm being left out of it!

I'd rather be in the circle then out! That is why I am starting to become insecure about it!

I agree with those of you who posted that men are visual creaters and that it's perfectly normal, but i feel our relationship is stronger then a dirty little secret so why didn't or couldn't he just tell me about it?

Anyway, I probably will never ask him again about it, because i dont want to be one of those naggy GF's.

 
Old 07-24-2006, 03:56 PM   #12
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Bracelet HB User
Re: Dirty little secret.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by idared04
By that I mean what if these people email him and he emails them back? and they start having this email thing going on!
Wait, what are you talking about, emails? I thought he was viewing websites with pictures and that was all? Do you mean he's posting on one of those websites where people are looking for sex and posting profiles and stuff? Because THAT is an entirely different situation, all together.

If it's just regular picture websites that he's looking at, then who cares. But if he's looking at personals websites for people looking to hook up solely for the purposes of having sex, THEN you have a serious problem.

I'm not sure exactly why you mentioned email, but I'm assuming it's because it's not just a regular picture website?

 
Old 07-24-2006, 05:32 PM   #13
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KeltoKel HB User
Re: Dirty little secret.....

Ah yes, ditto what what bracelet has said. I assumed he was looking at porn sites! What exactly is he looking at?????????

 
Old 07-24-2006, 06:44 PM   #14
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angeleyes0906 HB User
Re: Dirty little secret.....

ok, Im with everyone else, why would you assume that he can email with porn sites? Most are just visual sites only, or purchase through the mail, etc. Unless its a personals website, where people are posting their own pics, there shouldn't be anything to worry about.

If hes posting personals while you are seeing each other, you have a really big problem, please elaborate on the email statement.

 
Old 07-24-2006, 06:54 PM   #15
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idared04 HB User
Re: Dirty little secret.....

Well see I dont know that much about what porn sites look like, but here is a new question, I thought some porn sites have stuff like where you can leave comments, but I dont know?

And I dont know what kind of porn stuff he was looking at? I'm not saying that he posts comments because I dont know that for sure!

I saw one site and decided to "investigate." without asking him about it first. I hate snooping because I know when you snoop you are bound to find something.

 
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