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Old 08-13-2006, 02:38 PM   #1
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Am I crazy...or is she..or are we both...

Hey.. Im engaged to a woman that (before we got together she told me) may have BPD... She told me of her last couple realationships... and hoe after a while she just wakes up one morning and feels absolutely nothing for that person... We've battled this together..she has mood swings everyday.. some last a min. some last hours.. but recently shes been getting worse...day after day she wakes up sad..and when she looks at me she looks disgusted... and i see no spark anywhere... but today...she woke up furious... and i went for a ride thinking she'd calm down..but no she didnt...we talked on the phone and out of nowhere she says this whole thing is my problem..i cause all the issues she has...and our realationship is crumbling because of me... so i went back to her house... where she yelled and shushed me to the point where now i think im crazy... but what did i do?... im insecure about us...i know that...and she says thats the problem... but how can i not be insecure when shes so down all the time...and will randomly say things like..im not sure if i want this anymore... or... i think i made a mistake....
In the begining..i admit i had some problems.... i would get weird when she wanted to go places... but i never stopped her...but yes i know i got weird... i admit... and i know that it was past realationships invading my head.. I got over those fear..(its hard..but i try and lately i've completely stoped)... what do i do.... is she right...am i ruining things?... she told me she had BPD long ago..and when she recently started getting horrible..she read me things online to help me cope... but now her argument is she was putting all our problems on herself and made up this illness ..because im the one ruining us... im so confused...someone please help... what should i do... we're preg.. and i know she'll abort if she doesnt snap out of this...shes mentioned it before.... im so scared...

 
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Old 08-13-2006, 06:04 PM   #2
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Re: Am I crazy...or is she..or are we both...

please read up on BPD and see what it's all about. I'd rethink this relationship if I were you. She's exhibiting "textbook" BPD behavior. She probably won't change and if you continue in a relationship with her and have a child you will be in over your head with problems. Please, please read up on this before you get too deep. There are a lot of good books out there. You didn't do anything wrong. That's what people with BPD do....they turn around everything and blame you when it's really their fault. It's called projecting. They are also masters of manipulation. She's manipulating you by telling you it's all your fault and by threatening to abort the baby. You might both be better off if she did, if in fact she is really pregnant. You can't believe everything they say either.....they lie to manipulate. I'd seriously get out of this relationship if I were you, speaking from experience.
Read some of the other posts and some books and decide if that's how you want to live the rest of your life.

 
Old 08-13-2006, 07:02 PM   #3
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Re: Am I crazy...or is she..or are we both...

Thanks for the info... i do know now that i really do have my own issues... those i can fix.. im really just afraid for her... she thinks its just me...but i think even when i do flip myself around she'll still exhibit the same symptoms... we will see..next time i see her ill be confident and worry free... if she stays happy then it was me all long...if not..then she needs to see her doc.. but one thing i wont do is leave...if she has this disorder i will help her along the way.. ive been madly in love with her for over 3 years now... i wont let my easily removable problems and her BPD get in the way... after all if its BPD its not completely her fault...i actually feel so bad for her...it looks very stressfull...
Anyways...tell me you experience?

 
Old 08-14-2006, 04:16 PM   #4
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Re: Am I crazy...or is she..or are we both...

I feel for you in this situation, it is similar to my own. I've had a different experience than Rose, although I can't say if either of our outcomes would be best for you. My post thread is "Married to a BPD and needing help!...." (there are two, by the way and the older one has the full story) and there it tells my whole story from beginning to end. I choose to stay, as you say you do, with my BPD wife and work it out. It has been nothing but difficult and to watch a person you love tear themselves and you apart when they want so desperately to make it better is very, very tough. If you do choose to stay, then you may want to prepare yourself for something that no person should have to experience. I agree, that I have felt very bad for my wife, but it is not my sympathy that she needed. I don't exactly know why it's happened this way, but staying with her has helped us both and we love each other more today than we ever did before. Our relationship is wonderful and we still have problems, everyday, some caused by the BPD behavior, but most problems are pretty normal......but we have learned another way of communicating and another way of dealing with each other.

Read up on Rose's story and my story and tell us what you think. No matter what, please come here with questions and concerns. This community has helped me through when the world around me couldn't do any good. Hopefully you will come to see this community as I do, people who have been there and done that, who care enough about others in similar situations to give them heartfelt advice and be there when no one else will understand. They know what they're talking about here, but NO ONE can tell you what you should or should not do.

 
Old 08-19-2006, 04:31 PM   #5
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Re: Am I crazy...or is she..or are we both...

If it is the way you say it is, why not leave? You will be committed to a lifetime of behavior like what you are experiencing now or worst. Is this something that you can live with for a lifetime? Do you want children with this woman? Are you prepared to be the person that has to try to make her happy if she lives in a world of depression most of the time? If you feel like you can be married to her for===ever then stay.

 
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