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Old 08-15-2006, 06:05 PM   #1
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michealjacksonisgod HB User
How to say this to my GF

OK I think my girlfriend is extremely beautiful and hot and I love her but she has hair on her upper lip and in certain lighting it looks very dark and it is a very big turnoff and lately I have been noticing it a lot more. In the past I mentioned it and once she waxed it ajnother time she plucked it but that was a long time ago. She has very low self esteem in general so I'm scared to tell her again! I love her a lot but this is a big turnoff for me so I don't know what to do. I want to ask her to wax it but then she will think that I find her unnatractive oir that I want her to change, whereas the only turnoff for me is this little problem. If there was something like this about me that turned her off I would gladly go out and take care of it in order to stay more attractive to her, and my feelings would only be slightly hurt, I wouldnt get angry. I'm starting to feel stressed out because of this since I want to mention it but am too scared. How should I tell her or what should i do??

Last edited by michealjacksonisgod; 08-15-2006 at 06:19 PM.

 
Old 08-15-2006, 06:29 PM   #2
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cookiepls HB Usercookiepls HB User
Re: How to say this to my GF

Change the lighting.

But seriously. You say she already has low self esteem. Is this really that important to you? Making an issue out of a small imperfection will do what for her? It's hard enough for women these days to try to live up to our society's (read media's) idea of perfection. It would be nice if we could just be ourselves, physical flaws and all.

I'm not trying to be harsh but if it's really that big of a turnoff for you, let her go. You being turned on or off is really not as important as a person's self-esteem. Girls these days have low enough self esteem already.

 
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Old 08-15-2006, 06:35 PM   #3
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Re: How to say this to my GF

i have no interest in letting her go at all and like i said i still think she's beautiful but im an irrational person and i obsess over little things. i know its normal for many girls to have some hair there but they wax it usually. i normally would just ignore it which is what i have done for a few months but its starting to affect me physically since i feel like mentioning it but am terrified to do so, because i dont want to hurt her feelings again. your partner's feelings are important too, but no one's are more important than your own. if you aren't happy then it's hard to make other people feel happy...i know it is stupid and irrational but it starting to bother me and that is why i want to know what i should do

Last edited by michealjacksonisgod; 08-15-2006 at 06:37 PM.

 
Old 08-15-2006, 07:31 PM   #4
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bulletproof HB User
Re: How to say this to my GF

I don't think it's a big deal to ask her about it again. When you asked her last time, was she upset? It seems that she might agree since she waxed it previously. If she gets upset, just reassure her that she is beautiful and if she isn't comfortable doing it then you understand. It's one thing to ask nicely, another to tell her to do it.

I've been told about plenty of things my boyfriends liked or didn't like, including upper lip hair! And I took care of it if I felt it was valid, and ignored it if I disagreed. Furthermore, I was fine with telling a guy whether I liked or didn't like his facial hair. There is no room for dishonesty in any relationship, as long as it isn't presented cruelly.

 
Old 08-15-2006, 07:37 PM   #5
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Re: How to say this to my GF

The last time I mentioned it she looked sad and covered her lip for the next 5 minutes saying she didnt want me to see her untill she took care of it. Then i convinced her to stop and that i still find her beautiful which is true! I also love her deeply so it sucks that I hurt her by telling her this. Obviously if she never waxed it i wouldnt break up with her but like i said its just a turn off when i notice it

 
Old 08-15-2006, 10:30 PM   #6
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MysteriousGuy HB User
Re: How to say this to my GF

I feel the same way as you do...hair on women's upper lip is a turn off for me, only because a beautiful woman looks "zillion" times better with no hair on the upper lip. Go that routine when you ask her if she could remove it, explain to her how she is so much more goreous when she doesn't have any hair on her upper lip and make you appericate her sexy lips (I'm sure it is to you right?).

 
Old 08-15-2006, 11:01 PM   #7
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Re: How to say this to my GF

I don't know how to bring this up to her

Last edited by michealjacksonisgod; 08-15-2006 at 11:05 PM.

 
Old 08-16-2006, 08:31 AM   #8
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Re: How to say this to my GF

Does anyone have any idea how I can bring this up in a conversation?

 
Old 08-16-2006, 08:46 AM   #9
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Re: How to say this to my GF

I don't think you should bring it up. If you aren't going to break up with her if she doesn't do it then why bring up. You say she was upset and embarrassed when you asked her about it last time and you hate hurting her, then don't, let it go. If it bothers you that much move on. While you do need to worry about what makes you happy you can't ask her to change for you. You say your needs come first to you. However you are asking her to put your "wants" first as well, before her own. Shouldn't she be putting her needs and happiness first? Sounds kind of like double standard. You brought it up once, obviously it isn't something she wants to do. I think this is something you are either going to have to live with or move on. It isn't right for you to keep making her feel bad about herself.

 
Old 08-16-2006, 09:28 AM   #10
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Re: How to say this to my GF

Well .. I have a different idea.... I dont know how old you are .. but what if you guys were to go in to say a spa day ... you could go get your eyebrows done .. ALOT of guys need some clean up in that area and very few admit it .. or take care of that ... and she could get ya know .. her eyebrows and her lip done.

Just a thought ... approach it as something to do together.

OH and waxing is pretty painfull and not very good for your skin ... I would look into threading.
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Old 08-16-2006, 09:38 AM   #11
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Re: How to say this to my GF

I agree with others that if this doesn't bother you enough to break up with her and it makes her sad/embarrassed when you have brought it up in the past and "you love her so deeply," you need to drop it.

No one is perfect. Why make someone feel bad over an imperfection if you say you love them? Real love goes much further than skin (or hair).

I fully agree with Cookie. Women have a hard enough time nowadays. Now we need to worry about this? Puleez. Give me a break!

 
Old 08-16-2006, 10:14 AM   #12
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Re: How to say this to my GF

To the ladies: if there was a slight imperfection with your bf that was a big turn off for you, yet you had no intentions of breaking up, you mean to tell me that you wouldn't mention it to him? Except for one lady I feel like I'm being attacked by everybody for feeling this way. I just want to know how I should approach the topic in the best way possible.

 
Old 08-16-2006, 11:37 AM   #13
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cookiepls HB Usercookiepls HB User
Re: How to say this to my GF

Did you not see the hair on her upper lip when you first got together? Do you think she will be hot and beautiful forever? You already brought it up once and it hurt her feelings. She already has low self esteem and reminding her of her flaw will not improve it one iota. If I were that turned off by slight imperfections in the man I claim to love, I'd have to take a closer look at my feelings.

I realize you don't agree with me and you think I'm being harsh, but if I love someone, I build them up, I overlook minor flaws, I love beyond the physical. What you have is a physical attraction.

 
Old 08-16-2006, 11:38 AM   #14
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Re: How to say this to my GF

Hey there. I don't think there is anything wrong with you feeling the way you do. I tell my boyfriend all the time what I think he should do to make himself even more appealing, but he never pays attention of course. My reasoning? I'm the one who has to look at him. So I should be enjoying the view.

But you are dealing with a delicate situation. You know this is something your girlfriend is really embarrassed about. I'm sure that if she notices that the hair is back, then she'll take care of it right away, but she must not have noticed it yet. You said it can only really be seen in a certain light.

Truthfully bud, I don't think there is any way you CAN bring it up again without making her feel really, really bad. I'd wait just a little while longer and see if she takes care of it on her own.
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Old 08-16-2006, 11:40 AM   #15
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Re: How to say this to my GF

There are other things which turn me off sometimes but I don't care...I also see more physically attractive women every day. But I don't really care because nobody treats me the way she does and I could never have this type of connection with someone. The fact that I would like her to wax a tiny bit of hair does not reflect how much I love her...

 
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