It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 08-17-2006, 12:40 AM   #1
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 12
else4 HB User
I can't read men

How do you do tell if someone is interested or not interested in you? I have been hometaught for most of my life and honestly, it has made me really naive about when a guy is interested or when he is not interested. So often, I tend to think someone IS interested and they end up not wanting to go on a date or a second date with me. It's really impacted my self-esteem, because I get rejection over and over again.

How can I tell they ACTUALLY like me? Body language.. what they say.. how they act.. etc?

Is it safe to say that if they don't ask you out, they aren't interested, period? I don't want to face anymore rejection! I know this is a tough question to answer, but I'd really be appreciative of any help.

Amy

 
Old 08-17-2006, 01:14 AM   #2
MCR MCR is offline
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Auckland, NZ
Posts: 2
MCR HB User
Smile Re: I can't read men

Hi Amy,
one way to combat the "is he or isnt he" is to turn the focus back on you.
ask yourself, am I or arent I interested in him?
If you meet someone you like concentrate on finding out more about him. If youd like to go out on a date, think about asking him! Guys dont like rejection either so the more signs you can give them that you are interested the more relaxed they are about asking you for a date.
Usually, if a guy is interested in you, he will want to be around you. But maybe you need to create opportunities for him to be around so that you can get to know each other, and he can ask you out.
If you want to give a guy a signal that you are attracted to him, one of the biggest cues is to smile and make eye contact with him as a clear indication that you are captured by him and have taken an interest.
Think of questions about him to ask and he will know you are taking an interest. If he becomes interested in you he should reciprocate this.
Dating and flirting really is a game, or a dance if you like, and it takes two people to develop a relationship. Concentrate on what you need to do and hopefully your guy will follow your lead.

em.

Last edited by MCR; 08-17-2006 at 01:33 AM.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 08-17-2006, 03:08 AM   #3
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Lagos, Nigeria
Posts: 176
minijumbofly HB User
Re: I can't read men

This is a veryconfusing game. I'm a man and I can't read man either.

They don't necessarily say or do things from the heart. They might not intend to hurt anyone, but they do give the wrong signals to get reactions for their self evaluations.

I agree with the last post. First ask yourself if you are interested in a particular person, then observe him when you are with him. Whether in a group setting or one on one.

Body languages like eye contacts, smiles and playful touches are positive indicators. Also, does he spend more time with you than others in a group settings? Does he try sitting next to you? Does he ask for your opinion before others? Does he eardrop on you while you're talking with other people?

Some guys are shy and never makes the first move. You might need to give them more than hints and opportunities.
Just use any excuse to exchange phone numbers with them. If they don't call first, call them!

There is NO escape from rejection in the courtship dance.
Just don't go blaming yourself for any it. There is no 100%black and white, right or wrong situations in relationships. So, never let yourself or anybody lay guilt trips on you.

 
Old 08-17-2006, 06:14 AM   #4
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 544
CFD 333 HB User
Re: I can't read men

Hi Amy, I'm a guy and I can give you my advice about what guys do and how they act when they are interested in girls. First, even though we supposidly live in very modern times, it STILL is and probably ALWAYS will be the guys duty to ask a girl out when they are interested. Of course, some girls do take it upon themselves to ask guys out however, most of the time, it is the guy usually making the first move.

This isn't to say that a shy guy couldn't be waiting in the wings, but is too afraid you'll reject him. There are certainly plenty of guys like that in the world, especially under 18. If you suspect that about someone, there is only one thing to do and that is to give him 'buying signals'. It basically means that girls have to make some effort to show they are interested too, but as most women are anyway, it has to be very subtle...just enough to show interest without showing desperation.

Ok, so a guy asks you out. BING! That means he is interested...but, in what?! That's the million dollar question. The only way to know that is to take your time with him. A good guy who genuinely cares about you will take a couple of months to get to know you really well...he'll continuely ask you out every week, call you all the time, and make his presence known. Of course, you give back just as much as he does too...you call him just as often and except most if not all of his offers to go out. Guys don't like being rejected either, so it is important that you keep the flames going.

IF a guy takes you out on one or two dates and then you never hear from him again, it either means 1 of 2 things:

1. He took time to get to know you, but decided he didn't like you
2. He was only interested in sex. He either gets it and runs OR decides that your not that type of girl and gives up trying.

There really are only three types of people you are gonna meet out there and this goes for both guys and girls. The ones who show interest and mean nothing by it (just flirting), those who only want sex, and the rest who are genuinely looking for commitment. The BEST way figure out what a guy wants is to play the waiting game with him...make him WORK for you.

Guys, believe it or not, want to feel a sense of accomplishment in the dating world. We want to feel like we did all the right things and, because of that, we are advancing things along. Guys don't like things handed to them on a silver platter...it takes all the thrill out of it and ruins their respect for that girl. Being slightly challenging forces a guy to respect you and that is what you want. The opposite is true too though...a girl that plays extremely hard to get frustrates us to no end. Many guys end up giving up on girls like that just because they feel like they are getting nowhere and go home with bruised egos.

There is a balance you must keep between the two of you...constant tension...give and take. Remember that if it feels like either one of you is doing all the giving and getting nothing back, then its wrong and it feels wrong, doesn't it? The feelings have to be mutual.

 
Old 08-17-2006, 01:40 PM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: USA
Posts: 1,420
GypsyArcher HB User
Re: I can't read men

Why hang back and wait for someone to show interest in you? The next time you find someone attractive, why don't YOU just go after them? Sitting back and worrying about whether or not somebody likes you puts you on the defensive. You need to go on offense and let them know what you want. And then they can take it or leave it.

If you are an attractive girl, then most guys would be flattered to know you like them. Next time you are out somewhere and you see someone you like, just totally stare them down. Now, whether or not I'm interested in the guy, I'd never complain about a hottie (or at least a somewhat attractive guy) checking me out.

If you're shy it can be a little hard to do at first, but work on it. Once you have a guy in your sights, just keep looking at him. Not in a creepy, I-have-a-collection-of-heads-hidden-in-my-freezer kind of way, but a coquettish, sexy, teasing way. Keep catching his eye, and openly admire his whole package. You can start off slow and incrementally increase the blatancy level. That way, you make it very clear what you want. And if the guy likes you too, he won't be so afraid to come over and talk to you.

If you take the upper hand, then you won't have to go around all the time freaking out over what kind of signals the guy is sending/not sending. Make it clear that you are diggin' him, and then if he wants to respond he will, and if not, then not.
__________________
The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get closer and see that it's astroturf~

 
Old 08-17-2006, 01:48 PM   #6
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 22
Daynah HB User
Re: I can't read men

Buy the book ;men are from mars, women are from venus' then you'll understand them a whole lot more

 
Old 08-17-2006, 02:56 PM   #7
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,595
GirlHarley HB User
Re: I can't read men

Just know life is a rejection - just don't get sucked into it and take it personally. If a guy is interested in you HE lets you know.
With today's tech of Phones, Cell Phones, Computers, IM's etc,.....

Also, guys like to have Female "friends" (not with benifits - but some do too)

A gentleman will ask a girl out for a date - boys do not. Boys who like to play mind games - tease girls...
Shy guys will agrue my point, if there is someone YOU are interested in then it's up to you to approach that person and see if he's interested in you.
Just saying Hello to a guy can do wonders, if he's interested he will continue the hello with a conversation and if he's interested that hello, conversation, will lead into a phone number...

Never Assume they are not intersted or are interested, you go with your gut feeling.........and if you are wrong - That's OK too, practice makes perfect for your future interests........

Don't let life's rejections get you down - that's what it's all about

 
Old 08-17-2006, 07:52 PM   #8
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 12
else4 HB User
Re: I can't read men

Quote:
Originally Posted by MCR
Hi Amy,
one way to combat the "is he or isnt he" is to turn the focus back on you.
ask yourself, am I or arent I interested in him?
If you meet someone you like concentrate on finding out more about him. If youd like to go out on a date, think about asking him! Guys dont like rejection either so the more signs you can give them that you are interested the more relaxed they are about asking you for a date.
Usually, if a guy is interested in you, he will want to be around you. But maybe you need to create opportunities for him to be around so that you can get to know each other, and he can ask you out.
If you want to give a guy a signal that you are attracted to him, one of the biggest cues is to smile and make eye contact with him as a clear indication that you are captured by him and have taken an interest.
Think of questions about him to ask and he will know you are taking an interest. If he becomes interested in you he should reciprocate this.
Dating and flirting really is a game, or a dance if you like, and it takes two people to develop a relationship. Concentrate on what you need to do and hopefully your guy will follow your lead.

em.

Well, there is one guy I like at work. I dodged eye contact and talking to him for forever and he did the same with me. After awhile, he started talking to me a little here and there, so I talk to him almost every opportunity I can. He WAS making really good eye contact and smiling before, but he kind of does it on and off.

That's definitely something I need to work on, though. Eye contact and flirting!

 
Old 08-17-2006, 07:55 PM   #9
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 12
else4 HB User
Re: I can't read men

Quote:
Originally Posted by minijumbofly
This is a veryconfusing game. I'm a man and I can't read man either.

They don't necessarily say or do things from the heart. They might not intend to hurt anyone, but they do give the wrong signals to get reactions for their self evaluations.

I agree with the last post. First ask yourself if you are interested in a particular person, then observe him when you are with him. Whether in a group setting or one on one.

Body languages like eye contacts, smiles and playful touches are positive indicators. Also, does he spend more time with you than others in a group settings? Does he try sitting next to you? Does he ask for your opinion before others? Does he eardrop on you while you're talking with other people?

Some guys are shy and never makes the first move. You might need to give them more than hints and opportunities.
Just use any excuse to exchange phone numbers with them. If they don't call first, call them!

There is NO escape from rejection in the courtship dance.
Just don't go blaming yourself for any it. There is no 100%black and white, right or wrong situations in relationships. So, never let yourself or anybody lay guilt trips on you.
The thing is, I am VERY very shy and introverted. I very seldom open up to the point where someone can make a lot of eye contact with me or talk to me a whole lot. They'd have to be super bold to do so! I don't know exactly how I do it, but I give very strong, "Get away from me" vibes, because I'm always sooo nervous. This makes it even harder to read guys!

Those are definitely some good indicators that someone likes you, I agree! Definitely some gret advice. Thank you!

 
Old 08-17-2006, 08:20 PM   #10
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 12
else4 HB User
Re: I can't read men

I know, I really should! But, I hate rejection and I have been rejected by TONS of guys I have met over the internet and it's really started to make my self-esteem go downhill. I really am an attractive girl and I think I'm fun, too. I tend to hold back a lot of who I am, but not too much.

I do really like a guy who is shy/quiet at work and I want to ask him out, but I am pretty sure he would say no. I also have NO idea if he's got a girlfriend. I'm suspicious that he does. He's definitely talking to me more lately and tends to try to keep conversation going, but we are both so nervous that our conversations are wierd and we seem to disagree on every thing! The thing is.. I usually agree with him, but I am so nervous, It end to say the opposite of what I think. It's so silly.

I don't work directly with him, I just walk past his desk a lot. I've brought up in front of him (while talking to someone else) that I am single. I also am doing a lot of 'cutesy' little looks and always say hi when I see him. If anything, I just want to hang out with him as a friend and see if we are compatible. But, I don't know if he would EVER ask me to lunch. I don't know any other way of coaxing him! Though giving him longer looks would definitely help matters.

I kind of want to ask a co-worker if he is single. But, I KNOW that she would spread it all over the place I work and he'd probably be really emberassed, as would I. Eep!


Quote:
Originally Posted by GypsyArcher
Why hang back and wait for someone to show interest in you? The next time you find someone attractive, why don't YOU just go after them? Sitting back and worrying about whether or not somebody likes you puts you on the defensive. You need to go on offense and let them know what you want. And then they can take it or leave it.

If you are an attractive girl, then most guys would be flattered to know you like them. Next time you are out somewhere and you see someone you like, just totally stare them down. Now, whether or not I'm interested in the guy, I'd never complain about a hottie (or at least a somewhat attractive guy) checking me out.

If you're shy it can be a little hard to do at first, but work on it. Once you have a guy in your sights, just keep looking at him. Not in a creepy, I-have-a-collection-of-heads-hidden-in-my-freezer kind of way, but a coquettish, sexy, teasing way. Keep catching his eye, and openly admire his whole package. You can start off slow and incrementally increase the blatancy level. That way, you make it very clear what you want. And if the guy likes you too, he won't be so afraid to come over and talk to you.

If you take the upper hand, then you won't have to go around all the time freaking out over what kind of signals the guy is sending/not sending. Make it clear that you are diggin' him, and then if he wants to respond he will, and if not, then not.

 
Old 08-18-2006, 04:11 AM   #11
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Lagos, Nigeria
Posts: 176
minijumbofly HB User
Re: I can't read men

OK NOW this is getting good.

It helps that you have someone in mind and your past posts provided some insights into the situation and atmosphere around you. If this guy seems nervous or skidish around you, it is a GOOD signal.

I do not recommend you take the initiative to ask him out first. If he really is shy, he might just say no as a reflex because he doesn't know how to handle the situation. It's an automatic shield against potential embarassment. (You know how that's like, right?)

I do think you should go the route of asking his friends about his status quo (single/girlfriend etc) It's actually not bad if this kinda gets out in the open.

Remember, here you are, two "shy" people probably both interested in finding out more but lack what it takes to come closer to each other. You can use some outside interference to ease the tension of potential rejection.

Heck, if I was working with you in the same office knowing what I know now, I would enjoy nothing less than setting you two up somehow, someway and seeing that you two hook up for the first meeting/date, sincerely speaking.

Don't get distracted by compatability issues until you get past the first few dates. You can't really start to learn about someone from afar, can you? Never judge a book by its cover and remember the first things first, i.e. "the first date"

Keep us posted on the developments and good luck to the both of you.

 
Old 08-18-2006, 06:07 PM   #12
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 12
else4 HB User
Re: I can't read men

Yeah! I think it's a good sign that he's skiddish around me, too! The only problem is that when he DOES have a chance to be alone with me, he bolts. He also doesn't seem to take any opportunities to talk to me or be around me. So, I kind of wonder if he's nervous around me just because he finds me attractive, but he thinks we have nothing in common.

It's funny you mention wishing you could set us up. A co-worker actually tried to set me up with him the first week I started working at the place I do! But, I didn't know who he was, so I just giggled it off. They did sort of set something up though. We all went out after work to a bar. He didn't talk to me at ALL though. So, I just figured he didn't like me.

I think I am going to have to find out if he's single - even if I am nervous about it. The whole thing is kinda driving me crazy! Ha.


Quote:
Originally Posted by minijumbofly
OK NOW this is getting good.

It helps that you have someone in mind and your past posts provided some insights into the situation and atmosphere around you. If this guy seems nervous or skidish around you, it is a GOOD signal.

I do not recommend you take the initiative to ask him out first. If he really is shy, he might just say no as a reflex because he doesn't know how to handle the situation. It's an automatic shield against potential embarassment. (You know how that's like, right?)

I do think you should go the route of asking his friends about his status quo (single/girlfriend etc) It's actually not bad if this kinda gets out in the open.

Remember, here you are, two "shy" people probably both interested in finding out more but lack what it takes to come closer to each other. You can use some outside interference to ease the tension of potential rejection.

Heck, if I was working with you in the same office knowing what I know now, I would enjoy nothing less than setting you two up somehow, someway and seeing that you two hook up for the first meeting/date, sincerely speaking.

Don't get distracted by compatability issues until you get past the first few dates. You can't really start to learn about someone from afar, can you? Never judge a book by its cover and remember the first things first, i.e. "the first date"

Keep us posted on the developments and good luck to the both of you.

 
Old 08-18-2006, 06:44 PM   #13
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: kent
Posts: 1,448
brook65 HB User
Re: I can't read men

Hi - you say he is nervous around you, well that says to me that he may well like you.

It sounds like you are probably both similar personalitys, you are both putting up barriers subconsciously, to avoid rejection etc.

On asking how we know if someone is interested, one sign is if you catch their eye when you aren't actually talking to them. Another good one, is the size of someones pupils, next time you speak to him, look at his pupils, if they are large, then he is attracted to you!!!

Good luck, and don't worry about being shy, it is a rare and attractive quality to have.

Last edited by brook65; 08-18-2006 at 06:45 PM.

 
Old 08-19-2006, 05:46 AM   #14
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Lagos, Nigeria
Posts: 176
minijumbofly HB User
Re: I can't read men

Yeah !! Find out and go for it.

Also, bars are NOT the ideal backdrop for your situation. Shy types generally got lost in the crowd and even when you are finally alone together, the atmosphere is awkward and difficult for conversations to start.

The drinks might relaxe you but then you might also say things that you don't mean. Avoid bars and clubs in the beginning.

You need to research into common activities that will just put you together without having to strike up a conversation.
e.g. like tennis, golf, card or board games. Does your work place hold any company events or activities?

Start by working on just being comfortable alone with each other. The conversations WILL come. Little courtesy questions are always good ice breakers when you get comfortable. e.g. I'm getting some coffee, do you want some? Hey, they spiked the punch, so be careful.

Gosh, I'm getting nostalgic just thinking about this. It reminds me of the era when I had hair on my head.

Anyways, good luck, keep chipping at it.

 
Old 08-19-2006, 05:58 AM   #15
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: kent
Posts: 1,448
brook65 HB User
Re: I can't read men

Quote:
Originally Posted by minijumbofly
Yeah !! Find out and go for it.

Also, bars are NOT the ideal backdrop for your situation. Shy types generally got lost in the crowd and even when you are finally alone together, the atmosphere is awkward and difficult for conversations to start.

The drinks might relaxe you but then you might also say things that you don't mean. Avoid bars and clubs in the beginning.

You need to research into common activities that will just put you together without having to strike up a conversation.
e.g. like tennis, golf, card or board games. Does your work place hold any company events or activities?

Start by working on just being comfortable alone with each other. The conversations WILL come. Little courtesy questions are always good ice breakers when you get comfortable. e.g. I'm getting some coffee, do you want some? Hey, they spiked the punch, so be careful.

Gosh, I'm getting nostalgic just thinking about this. It reminds me of the era when I had hair on my head.

Anyways, good luck, keep chipping at it.


Wow, that is impressing - you sound like a true gent! lol

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Can a UTI cause interstitial cystitis? kris447 Interstitial Cystitis (IC) 82 12-15-2010 07:21 PM
Can a normal GF perscribe you Spironolactone?? Charlottef23 Hormone Problems 0 04-23-2010 07:26 AM
no one can explain my eye problems collegekid3 Eye & Vision 33 10-29-2009 09:43 PM
Can I get an opinion please?? MSNik Multiple Sclerosis 40 06-15-2008 06:05 AM
Recently diagnosed & can't handle drugs...many questions! Linnaea Osteoporosis 9 07-11-2007 10:49 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (260), rosequartz (245), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (155), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (87), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1136), MSJayhawk (941), Apollo123 (855), janewhite1 (823), Titchou (769), Gabriel (743), ladybud (667), sammy64 (666), midwest1 (654), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:46 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Copyright and Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!