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Old 08-17-2006, 12:14 PM   #1
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howdoihelp HB User
Am I being too jealous?

How much time is "normal" for someone in a committed relationship to spend with a relative or friend away from their significant other?

I consider myself to be very close with my family. They live an hour away. I talk to my mom every other day and my brothers and dad about once a week. I see them once a month.

My boyfriend talks to his brother daily, sometimes for hours and sees him once or twice a week. I get upset because we don't get to spend much time together and instead of being with me tonight, he's going out with his brother.

Am I being too jealous?

 
Old 08-17-2006, 03:24 PM   #2
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Re: Am I being too jealous?

Hello,
Do you live with your boyfriend?

For your boyfriend to talk to his brother a few hours each day seems excessive to me. For him to go out with him one or two times each week seems normal.

Unless things get way out of hand (his brother moves in and they are together seemingly 100% of the time, or something of that sort), I would not make a big deal of this. He has a right to see his family often. Eventually, they may not live in the same city, and he won't be able to anymore, so he should enjoy it while he can.

The best thing to do is, do your own things that YOU like to do while he's out with his family (if you don't wish to join them.) Go get your nails done, go shopping, take a bubble bath, read a book, go work-out, bake something, etc. While your boyfriend is out, do things you like to do but that he isn't really into.

Jealousy is NORMAL, but it's important to try to overcome it. Afterall, they are his family. Like I said, it'd be a different story if he still lived at home and his mom waited on him hand-and-foot, etc., but otherwise, he has a right to a relationship with them.

The amount of time people talk to and spend with their families really varies, so you have to figure out a way to make it work for the both of you.

Good luck!

 
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Old 08-17-2006, 03:56 PM   #3
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Re: Am I being too jealous?

Guys like to just hang with one another - it's awesome that your boyfriend has not only a brother but a friend in him and he feels most comfortable with him.

You are not jealous, just upset or curious why he won't spend that amount of time with you. It's not you,...... He just likes his guy time, even if it mean that they did nothing but watch T.V.

My son is almost 18 , he has a girlfriend but NOW since raising a boy, teenager turing into a man I'm seeing first hand that guys really just want to hang and do nothing.............LOL

I could go on and on with stories that I have learned from my own child.............I have said on occasions to my son, gzz - if only I had you when I was ummm like 10 I could have saved myself alot of trouble with the guys I dated...............THEY REALLY DO LIKE TO JUST HANG WITH THE GUYS AND JUST DO STUPID THINGS....and have their Mothers make them lots of FOOD..................

 
Old 08-17-2006, 04:03 PM   #4
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Re: Am I being too jealous?

My question is: Are they going out to the gym(just example) or are they going clubbing? If they are going out clubbing I'd have a huge problem with that because I don't think that people in a committed relationship should continue going out partying and going to the meat market...oh I mean Club.
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Old 08-17-2006, 04:10 PM   #5
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Re: Am I being too jealous?

Quote:
Originally Posted by keepsgoin
My question is: Are they going out to the gym(just example) or are they going clubbing? If they are going out clubbing I'd have a huge problem with that because I don't think that people in a committed relationship should continue going out partying and going to the meat market...oh I mean Club.

Amen to that! No more meat market...oh I mean Club
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Old 08-17-2006, 05:48 PM   #6
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Re: Am I being too jealous?

If you were resentful of him spending a lot of time with a female friend or coworker, I could understand and I would say you might have a reason to be worried about your relationship. But with his brother, obviously nothing shady is going on. You will be happier, your bf will be happier, and your relationship will be better if you just let him spend time with his brother and don't worry or get possessive about it. No one can build their whole life around one other person, and the more positive relationships we have, the healthier our lives tend to be. Anyway, I'm sure it's annoying that he hangs out with his brother so much, but I don't think you should give him a hard time about it. Instead, try to enjoy your time alone and do things that you look forward too, so you won't feel disappointed or let down when he wants to spend time with his brother. If everything else is going well in your relationship, it would be a real shame to let his closeness with his family, which is actually an admirable thing, get in the way of your happiness together. Good luck.

 
Old 08-18-2006, 12:40 AM   #7
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Re: Am I being too jealous?

Quote:
Originally Posted by keepsgoin
If they are going out clubbing I'd have a huge problem with that because I don't think that people in a committed relationship should continue going out partying and going to the meat market...oh I mean Club.
this comment made me laugh.
you must obviously not trust men. and dont say that if you do trust men, you dont trust the women around your bf/husband.
simply put, if a girl was making advances on your man & your man made it very clear he wernt interested (i.e. if dancing & a women tried to dance, he would turn the other way or if someone was chatting him up, he would say straight away that he is taken for), then he would take away any chances of flirtation or them two getting together.

so lets say its your bf's best friends birthday party & everyone of his mates is going to a club. you would not allow him to go?!
that is terrible that you are putting a hold on his social life.


at the end of the day, if someone is going to cheat, they are going to cheat and there is nothing you can do about it.

Last edited by samb0; 08-18-2006 at 12:42 AM.

 
Old 08-18-2006, 03:16 AM   #8
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minijumbofly HB User
Re: Am I being too jealous?

Quote:
Originally Posted by GirlHarley
....I have said on occasions to my son, gzz - if only I had you when I was ummm like 10 I could have saved myself alot of trouble with the guys I dated...............THEY REALLY DO LIKE TO JUST HANG WITH THE GUYS AND JUST DO STUPID THINGS....and have their Mothers make them lots of FOOD..................
LMAO. Yes, how true, boyz are like that. I was one, ahh..., the GOOD old days ! I wish it could last forever

It's difficult to just pin down the amount of time you should spend away from your significant others cause it's really all about quality and NOT quantity.

I treasure an hour I spend with my daughter more than a whole day spend with my parents. But that's just my personal value.

You also have to appreciate his bond with his brother and the fact that you're a new comer in comparison to their technically "life time realtionship"

Try not to get too jealous but insists on your own share of time spend together. Trying to pull him away from his family to spend more time with you is only pressuring him to make these "me or them" choices and the odds are not in your favor.

Give him the benefit of doubt for now unless he spends his time out and about hunting for other subjects. (Then, you drop him like a pair of out-of-style shoes) I sincerely hope that won't happen to you

 
Old 08-18-2006, 10:46 AM   #9
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picksie HB User
Re: Am I being too jealous?

I think if you're accurate in the "hours" per day they spend on the phone, that is excessive but considering who it is, provided they aren't conferencing in women or 900 #'s, I could overlook it. That is as long as he isn't missing important committments! Have you tried initiating something romantic while he's on the phone or hinting that you'd like to hang out with him? Is he receptive or does he get angry?

Family is so important and essential in who a person is. You don't want to get in the way of that or he could resent you later. Enjoy family while you have them.

You should find something to occupy your time while he's out with his brother. Most of us have something we've always wanted to do or try but never have... perfect opportunity!

 
Old 08-18-2006, 11:17 AM   #10
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Hide & Seek HB User
Re: Am I being too jealous?

This sounds like my sister and I at times! We're very close, we are a year and a half apart. However all through school we were in the same grade, graduated together, went to college together, we even worked the same job for a summer! I now live about 2000 miles away from her and I talk to her everyday sometimes for hours at a time, and sometimes just for a few minutes. She's one of the most important people in my life as she's my best friend and my sister so I can of understand why your boyfriend might do this!
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