relationship anxiety...getting me down - Relationship Health Message Board

seachange · 08-17-2006, 03:21 PM

I posted this in the anxiety board too for varying opinions..Ok Im a 25/m and I def. have GAD but sometimes its way worse than others. Sometimes I get into these funks where I feel pretty debilitated, which Im sure many of you know what I mean. However my bad anxiety is always triggered by relationships..Ive met wonderful women in my life, the kind that one would love to marry...At first things go great and we love deeply, however I try to be cautious because I guess I hate to commit. Im not a player by anymeans. As soon as the relationship gets more settled I go into a tailspin. Im scared and I dont want to lose this girl. It will calm my anxiety at first to be out of the relationship, but then Ill feel way worse over time because my anxiety will have gotten the best of me and Ill still love her. Its very frustrating and Im afraid Ill be alone forever, wondering about the wonderful girls that couldve been mine...any advice? has anyone gone through this?

Baby_hands · 08-18-2006, 10:24 AM

You end it before they have an oppurtunity to hurt you first.

Its about trusting yourself. You need to ask yourself.."So..if I get hurt..will I be okay? Will I not eventually move on and become stronger for it?"

If you can say to yourself "You know what, if this doesnt work, I'll be okay" you'll be more comfortable with taking a chance on someone.

Remind yourself how good a catch you are. The fact that you attract such wonderful women must say alot about you :-)

minijumbofly · 08-18-2006, 11:03 AM

Ok. So let's get a few things straight right off the bat.

You like the feeling of being in love but is afraid of commitment. You want to break up to ease the commitment anxiety and worry about get more postmortum regrets.

And you seem to wonder if you are the only one with this problem?

Well, here is the answer , point blank.....NO, you are not alone There are probably a jillion zillion others like you out there.

Sorry, but welcome to the real world, it's cruel and unforgiving. I know this is very blunt and seems brutal but you'll come to find out that you can't have your cake AND eat it too. You need to start making educated decisions and take the risk of being wrong.

You'll have to evaluate on which do you fear more, commitment? or being alone? Take the lesser of two evils and do it the Nike way.

There are no absolute certainties in personal realtionships. What works for others might ruin you and vise versa. You won't know for sure how it'll turn out until it is over. It kinda keeps things from getting too routine or boring. It's suppose to be more fun like this!

This is just like going through school. There are days that you probably don't even want to show up but in hind sight glad that you didn't skip out.

Don't be afraid, take courage, the angels ARE also out there to comfort and heal you after old timers like me bruised you all over, although with good intentions. Cheers.

picksie · 08-18-2006, 11:19 AM

I think we're all assuming that you are being treated for your anxiety here. However, it sounds like maybe in addition to the suggestions posted, you might need some therapy or counseling, or more if you're already seeing someone.

GAD is something that should be controlled by traditional means these days and if you're still feeling the burn of anxiety, you might speak with your Dr about it.

As for your relationships, you must open yourself up completely (easier than it sounds for you, obviously) to love and your current girlfriend if you have no real concrete reasons to believe that she will hurt you. How will you ever experience true love if you don't?

dewdrop333 · 08-18-2006, 11:24 AM

I am actually much like you ... get out before you get hurt .. it comes from a BAD dating history .. but I am working on it ...

I can shut a guy down before he even asks for my number ... I get to reject him before he rejects me.

The only cure I am finding is just DO IT. Stick it out ... if you get hurt .. you learn ... and if you dont ... then you get to be happy ... so its a win win situation if you ask me. At least thats how I am trying to see it ...