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Old 08-17-2006, 04:10 PM   #1
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I hate being ignored

I'm having an issue with my boyfriend lately. My bf's cousin came in from another state to visit, he told me that he will not be seeing me for like a week because his cousin is expecting him to spend time with him. I don't have a problem with that at all I can understand that, but my problem is that he doesn't really even call me anymore. It makes me really depressed because I'm not seeing him and now he won't even call me. When he does call me like at night before he goes to sleep or during the day we talk for only a few minutes. He doesn't really seem to want to talk to me but then he tells me that he misses me alot.......What makes things worst is that I really want to talk to him sometimes and I hesitate to call knowing that I will end up regretting it and getting even more depressed. Every time I call him he talks to me for a few minutes and lets me go. Sometimes when I call him he acts as if I'm not supposed to, for example when I call he'll ask me "What happened" instead of saying hi. This has bothered me a little bit in the past when he has done this...but it's def. bothered me alot this week.

This makes me question alot of things. Like why can he stay a whole day without calling me and I get so depressed over it? It makes me cry and the fact that when I call him we only talk for a few minutes makes me feel like if I'm being rejected.... I hate being ignored. I always feel like if I'm too attached to him and I wish I wasn't. I know he loves me he tells me he does and shows it alot of times and we spend time together when we can but I hate how he acts when were not together.

Am I too attached because I want him to call me? What can I do to stop feeling like I am? What can I do to stop feeling sad about this?

 
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Old 08-17-2006, 04:35 PM   #2
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Re: I hate being ignored

Are you too attached? I'd say you might be depending on him a little too much for your own good. You've got a whole week away from him. Why aren't you hanging out with your friends, doing stuff just for yourself, eating whatever you want, watching whatever you want on TV? Enjoy your time away from him instead of wishing that he would miss your more. You're not giving him a chance to miss you.

Last edited by cookiepls; 08-17-2006 at 04:36 PM.

 
Old 08-17-2006, 04:39 PM   #3
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Re: I hate being ignored

P.S. Remember too, your bf is not your whole life. He's just a part of it, just as you are part of his life.

 
Old 08-17-2006, 05:51 PM   #4
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Re: I hate being ignored

I'm always inclined to agree with Cookie's excellent advice, and I think she is right here as well. That said, I wonder if you don't have some legitimate reason to be concerned about the way your guy is acting. It's hard to tell from what you said, not knowing much about the situation, but I certainly wouldn't like to be treated as if I was annoying my bf every time I wanted to talk to him. So while overall I think you shouldn't worry and focus on enjoying your own life while he is tied up with family, I also would keep my eyes open for other signs as to whether or not he is really devoted to you and your relationship. If he doesn't make you feel like he adores you and wants to be with you, then you might have a problem on your hands.

 
Old 08-18-2006, 05:00 AM   #5
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Re: I hate being ignored

Hah !!! Did you ever come to the right place to get some answers or what? Hint: it's not or what.

Your BF and I might as well be clones for all I'm concerned. And it's a good thing that you yourself said that he does loves you. So here are the details on the other side of the coin and hopefully it will put your mind at rest somewhat.

He told you in advance about going away for a week, you consented so now he's out spending time like he planned.

He loves and trusts you and is confident that a week apart is a short time and nothing is going to come between you two in that time. Thus, no need to call unless there is an emergency and the "what happened" response.

He likes to deal with one task, one scenerio or one person at a time and finds interuptions distracting. Thus, the short phone conversations and lack of emotion.

Your BF is NOT ignoring you, it is just that and when he does think of you, he doesn't just drop what he is doing and calls you. You both know the time frame for being apart and he is fully confident that he'll just pick up where you left off when he gets back.

My wife was exactly like you. More dependent and put their BF/husband before anything else and needs regular reassurances in a relationship. She is doing better now that she learned to turn to her own friends and activities to occupy her when I am away.

When they say "Men are from Mars & Women are from Venus" They sure weren't kidding

 
Old 08-18-2006, 07:03 AM   #6
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Re: I hate being ignored

minijumbofly,
Thoughful and wise advice.

Last edited by cookiepls; 08-18-2006 at 07:05 AM.

 
Old 08-18-2006, 09:36 AM   #7
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Re: I hate being ignored

I'm sure this would bother me too!!!! I've always been in relationships that my BF wanted to spend time with me and include me in stuff such as if the cousin came in from out of town to visit...I would feel bad if I was totally excluded for a week. I don't really understand relationships there the GF has to be excluded from "guy stuff" because I've never been involved with someone like that and wouldn't want to be either. I involve myself with a man that enjoys to be with me and include me in his life's activities.
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Old 08-18-2006, 09:52 AM   #8
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psiloveyou HB User
Re: I hate being ignored

I want to clear something up....I don't have a problem with my boyfriend spending time with his cousin, there have been alot of times where I don't see him for a week due to the fact that we are both busy due to work or school.

What did bother me was how everytime I would call him he acted as if I was bothering him. I would understand if he was out with his cousin when I called or busy but most of the times I have called he's like laying on his bed or playing playstation and his cousin isn't even there! I actually spoke to him this morning...(he called me)because I've given up on the whole calling him thing. We were talking and he had the nerve of asking ME why I haven't been calling him this week this really ****** me off. I told him that the reason why I haven't been calling him is because everytime I do he acts as if I'm annoying him and ofcourse he responded no (I doubt he'd respond yes even if I was).

 
Old 08-18-2006, 10:28 AM   #9
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Re: I hate being ignored

I agree, it sounds like you're maybe too dependent on him. Everyone is different and requires different "maintenance" in their relationships. Some guys and girls feel secure and don't need constant contact with the SO's to feel like things are going well or that they are loved. It sounds like your BF is one of these types.

It's good that you don't mind him spending time with his family because there are many women who do believe that they need or must be involved in every single thing their guy does. While I say they have a right to know about it, that doesn't mean that guys (and girls!) shouldn't have their own respective freetime.

You just need to find a balance between what you expect, what he expects and what is realistic. If you think he's not speaking to you because there is a problem between the two of you, talk to him about it. It may just be that he feels like things are good and didn't realize that you would prefer or need more than 2 minutes per day.

 
Old 08-18-2006, 10:52 AM   #10
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minijumbofly HB User
Re: I hate being ignored

Sorry to hear about that last phone call made by him. I guess I didn't find a secret lost twin brother after all. I would never had call someone and ask why they didn't call. I hate hypocrisies.

Nevertheless, I'll bet that he treasures his private moments while knowing that you think of him a lot. And that it's always an ego boost to have a GF thinking of him.

I wonder if he really would turn around and call you more if you just stop calling him first from now on? It's worth the experiment ! Just a thought.

 
Old 08-18-2006, 12:00 PM   #11
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Re: I hate being ignored

I do not not like talking on the phone either, even with my GF, but I love her so very much, yes. Does that make you feel slightly better?

Some men, or most men, do not like talking on the phone, not as much as women do anyway. You mentioned your BF does call you before he goes to sleep, and would talk for a few minutes. I think that's average, no more no less. I wouldn't get too hung up on this if I were you, or he might think you are too clingy. Unless you are really ticked by it, then you really must have a serious talk with him. Everybody is different, & rightfully have different expectations on things. Compromising is very important in relationships.

Best of luck.

 
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