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Old 08-19-2006, 10:42 PM   #1
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soulster HB User
need advice

I just would like to ask a question. I would like to know if it is unreasonable as a wife to ask your husband to buy a sofa set that is second hand but very beautiful... for 300 dollors including tax, shipping? My husband says I am being unreasonable because we already have a sofa set... but that sofa set is really old and they are two different pieces that dont match. he says it is practical and right now he wants to save money, becaue he is the only one working, making 50 grand a year- which is pretty good and i am studying for an exam after which I will be able to work as well. We dont have any kids, so we only have us two to budget in our expenses for. Its not as if I am asking for a thousand dollor sofa set, it is just 300 dollors and a very beautiful piece of furniture. I feel he is being uncaring of my needs and he feels I am being unreasonable, stubborn in wanting it. What do you guys think? Thanks.. Oh, we have just been married for one year.

Last edited by soulster; 08-19-2006 at 11:08 PM.

 
Old 08-20-2006, 01:24 AM   #2
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CUCrusaders24 HB User
Re: old sofa set

Hmm...no, that doesn't sound unreasonable to me, especially if the sofa set you currently have is getting worn as you stated. Maybe he thinks there is something more practical that your money might be spent on, but either way I would talk with him about it. Maybe there are some underlying issues; he might think it is an impulse purchase perhaps? I have encountered people who have been uncomfortable with that sort of thing.

 
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Old 08-20-2006, 12:27 PM   #3
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Re: old sofa set

Thanks for your input. Well, I am not an impulsive buyer... infact I dont really spend much of anything since we moved and before that... actually we moved to a different state, its been 4 months... I have been asking him if we could buy a nicer sofa set for 3 of those 4 months... we got 2 sofas, really old and shabby from some friends of his as a hand me down for our unfurnished apartment. I finally saw one which I liked- the one mentioned above and he said no. I felt so hurt.. I mean I have money saved up to buy it on my own, but I just wanted him to say okay. So with more of the story, I guess, am I being totally unreasonable. I even started crying when we got home... I feel I do so much for him since he is working and i am at home althoug i spend a good portion of the day studying. I cook him dinner every night, make him a home cooked lunch to take to work and do all the other chores of the house, cooking, laundry, etc. He knows I love interior designing- not my profession, but hobby. I spent soo much time painting with free paint already in the apartment - our dining table that we also got from his friends and it reallly came out nice. I didnt think I was asking too much in wanting that sofa set- sort of as an appreciation from him for the work I do around the house, but he just thinks I am totally unreasonable and wont budge from his view point. He has even called me self centered in the past before, which I dont think is true. So I was thinking maybe I am wrong in asking for it?

Last edited by soulster; 08-20-2006 at 12:30 PM.

 
Old 08-20-2006, 12:48 PM   #4
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cookiepls HB User
Re: old sofa set

In the big scheme of things, how important would you rate getting the new set?
I know it would be nice to feel appreciated for your cooking and cleaning but is there something else going on? I don't understand getting so upset that you would cry over not getting a sofa set.

I'm not trying to be un-sympathetic, I'm just thinking that something bigger or more important is bothering you.

 
Old 08-20-2006, 01:05 PM   #5
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soulster HB User
Re: old sofa set

Yes, I understand... I was supporting him up until he got a job which was three months ago and use to buy him whatever he wanted even if it was not practical. so I guess I just got really hurt because this was the first big purchase I asked from him. Anyhow, I am a very sensitive person and something I need to work on. I should have just let it go... and maybe I am a little depressed sitting at home all day, with really no friends in this new state but him so that probably compounded to my hurt. Thanks.

 
Old 08-20-2006, 01:33 PM   #6
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GypsyArcher HB User
Re: old sofa set

Well, the solution is pretty simple. Just make your husband's life miserable until he gets you that sofa set. He'll have the option of not buying the sofa set but having to deal with an extremely unpleasant, unhappy wife who makes like hell for him. Or he could buy the set and have a happy, sweet and smiling wife. You have to know how to work the game, that's all.
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Old 08-20-2006, 05:40 PM   #7
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browneyed-babe HB User
Re: old sofa set

I had to put my two cents in on this one. I have a somewhat similar situation myself. I am a newly wed also and we have a lot of second hand stuff too. My husband's motto is "if it aint broke, don't fix it". We had 2 sofas also - one was ok but the other is a piece of crap - I mean, there is duct tape on it and lots of it - he covers it with a blanket. I asked for a new sofa and he said "no I like the one I have". He wouldn't buy one. One night I came into some money and I just went out and bought 1 new sofa - I couldn't afford the matching loveseat though. Ironically he still has his really ugly couch in our living room with my new one and the other one went into our rec room. I want to get rid of his ugly one and buy the loveseat to match but I am still working on Mr. Tightwad to get it. Hence, I may have to buy it myself.

My advice to you is buy it yourself if you have the money. $300 is a good price for a matching set. If it is something you really want, then you deserve to have it.

 
Old 08-20-2006, 08:11 PM   #8
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Too Sweet 74 HB User
Re: old sofa set

You can approach it this way.... buying this sofa set at $300 is a whole lot better than what it will cost later...... Has he priced "new" furniture lately? It was an eye opening experience for my husband . LOL . I feel that you are trying to do a wise thing money wise. My husband must be alot like the others talked about here. He'll spend alot on what he wants for his classic car though. Anything else costs too much in his mind when it comes to anything for the house.
Hope you get what you want. Good luck.

 
Old 08-21-2006, 03:05 AM   #9
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minijumbofly HB User
Re: old sofa set

Hmm. He sure behaves like a MAN alright Our perception of money well spent is well... just plain different!

Men are terrible with things of the house in general. Before I got married, I didn't own a single matching anything, not even towels. Just don't see the point of it although now I compromise just to make peace in the home. Boy, is that ever the truth

I believe you should just buy the sofa set even if you have to do so by spending your own money or borrow it. $300 is not worth the misery unless you are starving and behind on your utility bills, never mind his blessing or not.

I believe that your under lying feeling is that he does not love you or care about you because he wouldn't even spend that little money to make you happy. Never mind the "If he really loves me, why wouldn't he do this little thing to make me happy?" Just get the couch, make yourself happy.

I'll bet he wouldn't cry half as much to spend the same amount on you during birthdays, valentines or anniversaries per se. (If he does, then just drop him like that old couch you hated)

So go ahead, good luck on your new sofa. He'll eventually come around to see all that I mentioned above. (Especially if you have some fun ON the couch )

 
Old 08-21-2006, 01:13 PM   #10
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soulster HB User
Re: old sofa set

Thanks everyone, maybe I will just go buy it myself and forgot what he thinks

 
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