I need to leave him and Thursday he tells me I cant take ANYTHING with me. I lost my job 4 years ago (steady good paying job of 4 years) and have had crap jobs part time since....now he says I dont work and bring in money for over 4 years so I shouldnt be able to take anything with me.
(NOTE He only owned a tool box and microwave when we got married.
I need to learn how to leave him.
No chance for reconciliation.
Dont like each other
Just want out.
So, is there a class I can go to to learn how to leave him?
You need a good lawyer to school you, hun!!! Do not leave with nothing. DO you have kids? If there is a big disparity of income between you two, you could get alimony as well. Talk to a good lawer. Also I would check out some info on the www. Good luck.
Don't listen to what "soon to be X" husband is telling you...he's full of bull! In most states it's 50/50. Go file for divorce and the lawyer will tell you how to procede. My lawyer told me to go take everything that wasn't nailed down but I didn't do it that way...my divorce wasn't nasty. We are still friendly to this day. Also what laurie said is true...he may even have to pay you alimony(spousal support).
Just because you haven't brought in much money doesn't mean he now owns everything. Did he replace everything in the last 4 years with his own money? That's laughable. Take what you know is yours and call a lawyer.
Lucky for you that what HE thinks doesn't count!
He can think whatever he wants but he can't change the law.
As a PARTNER you are entitled to half of whatever was accumulated during the marriage. Where I'm from, the only things that aren't split are court settlements and inheritances (i.e. if either of you got one, it's 100% yours).
Unless there's violence involved, don't leave the house until you've talked to a lawyer. If you don't have a lawyer or are worried about the money, call your state bar and ask them for a referral.
Don't listen to him. You have rights and he has no say in that!
If you don't have money for a lawyer, try going to the courthouse and sign up for a free lawyer. Most states do have lawyers available for low income divorces. If he senses you are leaving, be careful that he doesn't take all the money from the bank acct.s and open his own secret one. A legal separation helps prevent someone from emptying bank accts., removing someone from insurance, etc., it basically 'freezes' everything until the divorce is settled. Like it has been stated already, DON"T leave the house until your lawyer says to. Leaving takes away some of your rights. It is typical for a supporting husband to say that you don't get anything , he's wrong
I live in Florida.
Here is the funny part of all this. I only want to leave with what I came with and my car.
We purchased 5 acres for 24,000 bucks in 2000. We built a home on it for 106,000.
Today it is valued at $365K
He got a refinance loan in his name only cause I didnt have a full time job at the time, now he says that everything is in his name cause he paid off stuff with the extra money on the loan.
I cant leave with nothing. I dont think that would be right.
Here is my fears.
If I start to pack stuff to move out, he will throw a fit that I am taking anything.
This could be bad.
If I rent a mover, they would have to do it in less than 8 hours. Can they do that? I doubt it.
If he had any idea that I was going to take anything, he would start hidding stuff, or like he told me one day, call the cops and say I was beating on him.
So....I need to get a FAST mover to haul me away...
I had to get my stuff out quickly when I left too. This is what I would do
Wait until he was out of the house and you KNOW when he is due to be home. grab everything of value .. baby pictures, personal items ...POack it up and you can have it shipped to you if you cant take it right away (a friend may have to help here)
Then, go to the bank and take 1/2 of the cash out ...
Then get to wherever you are going to go (a friends house or a new apartment) ...
Then call him and tell him what you have done (do it from a payphone if you are changing your number or something so he won't do the freak out call back) ...
Talk to your lawyer (get one ASAP) .. I did something very similar to this when I left my ex and my lawyer let me know that everything was on the up and up so I had nothing to wory about.
Dont leave all your stuff ... dont think that he gets all the money because he worked outside the home ... you deserve 1/2 (if the law says so in your state) .. take what is yours ... do it when he is gone ... and get the heck out.
There will be alot that you miss .. or can't take ... get what is importiant .. what is not replaceable ... pictures ... your jewlery ... at least one suitcase of clothes ... your camera .. your computer .. (at least the tower if not the monitor .. it takes up alot of space)
Good luck ...
Mother is the word for God on the lips and hearts of children - The Crow
as someone here already posted, DO NOT leave the house until you've contacted a lawyer---there could be repercussions if you abandon the relationship. Your lawyer will help you figure out how to leave legally. Since you are married the house is 1/2 yours so he's going to be in a world of hurting once you divorce him--it sounds like he knows this too....
unless you signed a prenup when you married, there is no chance for him to keep everything. If you have kids, you can kick him out of the house. Don't make the big mistake (leaving the house). You definitely have to get a good lawyer (I suggest a male, so that the court wouldn't think it's a woman-man war).
Good luck. I know what you are going through. I have experienced this... But there is justice and laws.
Florida has equitable division of marital property (which includes, for example: cars, houses, retirement benefits (pensions), business interests, cash, stocks, bonds, bank accounts, personal property and other things of value, etc.).
In Florida, it doesn't matter who holds the title to these things - i.e. it makes NO difference if the the house, etc. is in your husband's name. You are entitled to half. Do not let him tell you otherwise.
It doesn't matter if title is in his name. It doesn't matter if you only worked part time. He has no exclusive claim on "marital" property (a marriage involves 2 people, not just him! The property belongs to the people in the marriage - not the person who had the higher salary!).
I'd get a lawyer asap - but in the meantime, you can also go down to the local court house and get the information they have available (I'm pretty sure it covers the basics of what to do, the rules...)
OMG!! DO NOT leave that house!!! Half that money is yours, and you'll need it and regret it just wanting to be over!!! Believe me, hun---I wanted the fast forward button too!! DO NOT DO IT!!! You will need and DESERVE your money for......well...TIME SERVED if nothing else. Did I mention, DO NOT LEAVE WITH NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
I completely agree with Amy. I work in the legal industry in FL, and she is correct.
You must seek legal advice from a lawyer. Contact your local "Legal Aid" office if money is tight.
You should seek legal advice on this, because I come across many, many dissolutions here in FL where one spouse left the house. A year or two later, they're sitting in chambers with a judge getting a divorce and they still get half. Figure lots of folks are in abusive relationships. They can't be expected to just stay until they're able to leave with the stuff they want.
If he goes and hides money or personal property, there will be a record of this that will be subpoenaed and reviewed by the attorneys and judge. Filthy rich people (think Trump) are able to hide their money real good; not your average folk. If he withdraws $8,000 out of your checking/savings account tomorrow, there will be a record of that in a few years -- and the same goes for you, too -- and he will have to account for it.
Talk to a lawyer as soon as you can. Florida has Legal Aid, which is very, very good.
I suppose your husband thought he was being cleaver by putting the loan for the house in just his name...as far as you only having a part time job should not have had any bearing in that issue...how stupid, I did NOT work and my name was always on our home loans...but your husband wasn't cleaver because it doesn't make a hill of beans, you are married and half of what that house is worth is yours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He will most likely have to sell it or give you half of the appraised value of the home!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You must go and see the lawyer NOW!
WOW...thanks you guys...
I have decided not to leave based on yalls advise. I have a friend who is a paralegal working for a domestic lawyer. She said the same.
NOW...my problem is... with FL law,we have a domestic violence law. Generally, if there is a domestic disturbance, one goes to jail no matter what.
He has threatened me to call the cops and feign injury if I try to take anything from the house.
The problem is...if I stay we get into some awful fights. Mostly verbal, but lately he has taken a liking to spitting on me. The other day my instinct was to slap his face and I glanced his shoulder, he jumped in my face saying for me to hit him. I spit back at him. I did not intend to do this but it just came out since I knew he wanted me to hit him so he could call the cops and have me removed.
I dont know whether I should have these types of incidents documented or what. If I file an information only police report, they have the option to arrest. I dont want him arrested, hell, I dont want to see anyone arrested. I wouldnt be able to make it if he was in jail.
One time about 6 years ago, we had gotten into a fight and he threatened to call the cops to have me committed. ( I threw a glass of ice in the hallway) not at him. He claimed I was LOOSING it. Well...needless to say, I got ****** that he would stoop so low to have me committed for throwing ice.
We got into it and when he grabbed the phone to call the cops, I tried to yank it from him and the phone hit me in the nose cutting the bridge of my nose. I went to leave out the door and turned and looked at him, he was standing there with his gun. I bolted out the door and went next door to my sons house where I called the cops.
Before they got there, I realized that he would do 3 years for the assault with a firearm so I told the cops when they got there that he didnt have a gun even though it was recorded on the 911 call.
He told the cops that I kicked him in the *** when he was trying to call the cops. They wanted to take me to jail for domestic violence....GO figure. HE talked them out of it when he found out they were going to take me for THAT.
So, we are talking about a man that flys off the handle and then threatens me with incarceration. He knows that if he hit me or hurt me, HE would be in jail now.
So, should I have these incidents documented in case he alledges I assaulted him?
You need to consult with a lawyer. A paralegal is a great start to nudge you in the right direction, but you really need to talk with a lawyer, not his or her support staff -- unless it's to book an appointment or get your testimony ready for trial.
FWIW, only a judge can have an adult committed in this state. A cop isn't going to hall you off to a mental hospital based on some guy's word. You'd be arrested, evaluated by several psychiatrists while incarcerated, and there would be a Baker Act hearing set, in which you would have an opportunity to testify, as well as others on your behalf, like your physicians, your employer, your family, etc. Then a judge would decide on whether you should be committed. It's very, very hard to do in Florida.
By not seeking competent professional legal advice, you really don't have much of a leg to stand on. You're taking what he says as true. There are procedures to have this taken care of fairly and equitably, but you must take the first step and make an appointment with a family law attorney. Most will work out payment arrangements. Like I said previously, whatever town you live in in Florida has a Legal Aid office if money is tight. There are very, very good attorneys who work for Legal Aid. They're salaried by the State. I've personally witnessed multi-million dollar divorce cases where one side (usually the wife) was represented by Legal Aid. Contact them or maybe your friend's boss if he/she has a good reputation.
I believe florida is a community property state, unless you all signed a prenup doesn't matter who made what, it was a communal home and the divorce lawyers will fight over what everybody gets. if you own a home, unless you don't care or are afraid of physical abuse don't leave it. Once you do you will pretty much give up rights to it, and have to force it sold to get anything out of it. If you have children and want to keep them don't leave them either. It very hard for the person who doesn't have them full time to win enough points in a custody case to ever get them back. If you have to leave and are comfortable with that decision take whatever you think your intitled to. When I divorced I literally left 1/2 of everything except items given as gifts or bought for them. Protect any mutual money, draw out your half up front or it may never be there again, learned that from experience.
Sounds like your soon to be ex isn't going to play nice, invest in an excellant divorce lawyer to guide you threw the process.
As for the domestic violence part make sure you are never alone with him, if there are witness he cant accuse you, just make sure they are people you can trust to tell the truth and not turn on you when the going gets tuff. As for the spitting and violent history, sounds like you both have tempers you need to control. Call your local pd and ask if you can have a stand by while you take items out of the house for safety reasons. I think you may need to have a temp order from the court first though, otherwise they can't get involved with disputes of civil matters. best idea wait until hes not home go in and take what you need and have someone video the event to document him not there and nothing violent occurs. Just ideas....Best advice ask the attorney only way to proceed safely.
As for the baker act, only two things get you one, harming yourself or harming someone else. A police officer can and will baker act you on a 24 hr hold in a psych ward if they have reason to believe you have intent on either of the first two actions. After that its the psychs and judge who decide if you are inpatient longer. The spitting in florida is actually a criminal act because of body fluids potentially being deadly these days, they take it very seriously and will get you in jail. And you are right domestic someone will go to jail, often both do if its mutual combat. You need to stay away from him and avoid the hot buttons hes throwing at you.
Last edited by angeleyes0906; 08-24-2006 at 07:50 PM.