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Old 08-20-2006, 04:25 PM   #1
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: stuart, fl
Posts: 23
JustMe83 HB User
unsure, for sure

Hi , everyone so my whole life i have struggled with depression and disappointments in my relationships . i met this man 5 yrs ago and he changed my life i thought better of myself , sexy , confident etc.. he always treated me with respect and complimented me we went many places vacations , dancing, well after about 2 yrs things got a lil rocky it seemed he stopped putting the effort in , if i wanted to see him i would always go to his house after a while i couldnt spend the night anymore (he lived with his parents at the time ) no more cuddles the kisses were like barely brushing the lips and the sex life was just horrible .he just always seemed not interested .we lived about 30 - 40 min away from each other so eventually i stopped the effort too because i would drive over after work late at night and only be able to stay barely an hour or 2.
so i started going out drinking and partying after work , taking pills and just getting out of my mind .i kissed another guy then told him about it eventually we broke up and i had other sexual relations .we still talked and after 6 months we got back together .barely even 2 months later we had a baby boy.my whole pregnancy he would spend every moment that he wasnt working with me but never did we talk about any of the issues that tore us apart .then soon enough our child came and still nothing well 2 months after he was born we moved in together .not getting along screaming and physical fights , called the police on him twice even tho i provoked well during these fights he would say things to me about how i broke his heart and he lost respect for me because i was with other people.still wont talk to me about the whole issue tho .i bring up counseling all the time because i am willin to admit my faults but everytime i bring them up to him he gets offended for what ever reason and takes everything i say the wrong way .
ok so now to the root of this message .recently he went out to his friends house stayed gone the whole night and came back at 9 the next night .2 weeks later he had a an std (luckily we had not done anything after this night because apparently this std was not from me because i got tested and i am negative. he swears to me that it mustve happened when he was passed out in the living room of his friends house but how can i believe a story like this .the std is not curable .anyways so my son pulled out a drawer today and out came some pics of his ex girlfriend which he told me 3 yrs ago he threw them all away so now i know that he can lie to me .i want out but our son is 15 months old and he always threatens me by saying i cant take him i would be ruining his life ,plus i have no money because 6 months back he told me i couldnt work because we had no one to watch our child .i dont know what to think anything u guys think would be great to hear .

 
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Old 08-20-2006, 06:23 PM   #2
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 41
CUCrusaders24 HB User
Re: unsure, for sure

Wow. Well, for starters, it sounds like he has been unfaithful. Right there is a very tough reality to face for anyone in a relationship. I imagine it is really hard for you since you have children with this man too. Just a little tidbit...I have an older sister who was with the same man for 6 years. They have never been married but they have a four year old daughter together. They have had problems throughout the whole thing and I feel bad for my neice seeing them argue, etc. because its something she will remember. They're not together anymore, and he is with someone else now, but my sister is still hurt. The point is, please don't stay with this man for the sake of your children, if that is the case. In reality, it will probably hurt MUCH less to end it now if you feel in your heart it is over, and while the children are young. My parents divorced when I was 10, and even several years before that, they weren't happy. I'm 22 now, and they're actually nice to each other, much more so than when they had been married for 14 years. Best of luck.

Last edited by CUCrusaders24; 08-20-2006 at 06:24 PM.

 
Old 08-21-2006, 12:28 AM   #3
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Hayward, CA, U.S.A.
Posts: 18
ChinesePisces HB User
Re: unsure, for sure

You should've disconnected from him completely the first time you two broke up. Usually the only time an ex will call is for some booty. Thinking that things will change or thinking that you can actually change a person significantly is unacceptable.How old are you? Did you got college? A better question would be why you got pregnant in the first place. You knew this guy wasn't good for you so why have a child with this person. You are just digging yourself a deeper hole(sorry to say). His excuse for the STD was too appealing to me, even being caught red handed he still was unable to admit his infidelity. Leave now and absolutely don't look back. Change phone numbers get restraining orders, the works. You are putting a bad image into the kids mind of how a family works. Longer you stay the more hurt and pain will come. As for the child, he is trying to scare you. In cases of speration the mother almost always gets custody of the child(well In Cali. that is). If you have absolutely no job experience then I hate to say this but file for child support and use that money to support your child while you either go back to school or get a reasonable job. Get some birth control and take action ASAP! Good Luck and post an update.
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Old 08-21-2006, 09:54 AM   #4
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: stuart, fl
Posts: 23
JustMe83 HB User
Re: unsure, for sure

well we talked the whole 6 months that we were broke up and the whole time he played mr nice guy u know the guy i met and fell in love with .i thought by the time we got back together that the whole break up was my fault in the first place of course now i know we just flat out dont mesh well.as for our son i was on birth control but only for 2 months so i guess it just wasnt active .i think it is the same here as it is in cali at least that is what my mom says and i know she will help me .i have a job right now for about 15 hrs a week but to survive i will have to put him in day care and work full time .i have 1 yr of college so i need to go back there too . i think u guys r right and thank you for ur advice /input .i feel so dumb but i know i am not happy now and i know that i am happy in absolutely every other part of my life .ill keep ya posted thx again .

 
Old 08-21-2006, 07:15 PM   #5
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Hayward, CA, U.S.A.
Posts: 18
ChinesePisces HB User
Re: unsure, for sure

It's great that you have family support in this situation. As for your 1 year of collge it's a good start, but you will have a long way ahead of you depending on your goals. But, just remember that time is crucial now, your decisions now will most likely decide your future. If mother can watch your kid great! If not then I would reccomend going to community college and leave your kid at the day care while you get your education on. In Cali. there's lots of $$ out there to support you(Financial Aid, Bog Waiver, child care waiver). Check your colleges because you are steering yourself on the right track! As for the Mr. Nice guy thing I'm sorry but I know PLENTY of men that use that role because it is almost the easiest way to get into a girls pants. That goes back to the issue of birth control I said before. There are about 11 forms of birth control for women and basically 1 for men. Now is the time to focus only on your future and kid, nothing more.
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"The Poor spend their money. The Middle-class bury their money. The Rich multiply their money"

 
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