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Old 08-21-2006, 01:47 PM   #1
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canuck11 HB User
What should I do in regards to my parents?

Here is my situation..

I left an extremely abusive relationship about 7 months ago, continued to have problems with my now exbf after I left him. Too scared to call the police because he threatened harm and also said he has friends who could harm me. I knew what he was capable of. After I left him, moved back in with my parents. I told them about the abuse, they were aware of it because I showed them injuries in the past when I was still with him. They blamed me for the abuse and said I should go back to him. Also because he lived in the area they would talk to him if they saw him and act like they were best friends, come home and tell me what he is up to. I said I don't want to hear about it, not interested. I realize they only saw the nice side of him, but one time they did see him strike me at a BBQ but never said anything. I approached them and they said they saw it but acted like no big deal.

Fast forwarding to a few months ago. One of his 'friends', a guy I never met but who told me he is friends with my ex, physically assaulted me. Dislocated a few of my fingers, cracked ribs. Police were called, found, charged this friend with assault. Police figured he followed me and they said they would be laying charges against my ex for his involvement but told me not to tell anyone for safety reasons and in case he decided to flee. I didn't tell anyone. My parents were aware of this assault from the friend. Anyways 1 day goes by and the police call me. They said they headed over to my ex's place to arrest him and his parents were there. My ex had committed suicide. Cops asked me if I told anyone about them charging him, I said no, which was true. I asked my parents, gut feeling inside of me, and they said they had talked to him the day before. I asked what happened. They said "We warned him the cops were coming after him." I said "You warned him because you are angry at him, telling him justice is coming his way?" They said "No, just in case he wanted to flee, hide etc." I thought they were joking at first, but they weren't. I told the cops, they were in shock. They said they could charge them with aiding and abetting a criminal. I also found out through my parents that they told my ex in the past where I was. Sometimes they would run into each other and he would ask where I was that day and they would tell him "Oh she is at such and such a park." And he would show up. Figured he just followed me. So now I feel totally betrayed by my parents for doing this to me. I have told them many times not to give out information on the phone or in person on my whereabouts. I want to move out, even though now I don't tell them where I am going. I just say if you have to reach me, call my cellphone. I feel very hurt and betrayed.

Now for the legal part... Even though my ex killed himself, can the cops still charge my parents with aiding and abetting from before?Someone told me I should have them charge my parents, give them a wake up call this isn't right. I know what they are saying, but I guess because they are my parents, hard to do. But at the same time feel as though my life was put in danger from them.

As for this 'friend' of his he admitted to the cops that my ex payed him to hurt me and sounds like there could be evidence, note or something.

 
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Old 08-21-2006, 02:13 PM   #2
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alleycat2 HB User
Re: What should I do in regards to my parents?

I can't believe how your parents are acting towards you. This guy beat you up and all they worried about was him and pushing you back towards this abusive man. I am sorry for your loss. I know part of you cared about this man at one time even through the beatings so you still probably feel bad he is gone. I don't know if the police can charge your parents without someone complaining about it first. Like maybe his parents could ask for charges to be filed or even try to sue. I don't know if it would be considered wrongfull death or what. Again though I am not sure but there is a possibility your parents are not out of hot water yet! I feel bad that your parents didn't encourage you to get away from such violence and now they will probably need your help. Good luck! I hope things work out for you!

 
Old 08-21-2006, 02:46 PM   #3
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ispyrebel HB User
Re: What should I do in regards to my parents?

I am sorry this has happened to you....but....

Better him than you. Someone that has no regard for his own life sure isnt going to care about someone elses.. sounds like he did you a favor.
As for your parents...just my suggestion, but they dont love you. I mean, how could they. I am a parent and a grandparent. I would let myself die before I would let harm come to them. Sorry this is abrupt but this is my feeling.
Say so long to those so called parents. They DO NOT have your best interest at heart.

 
Old 08-21-2006, 02:57 PM   #4
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babe1973 HB User
Re: What should I do in regards to my parents?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ispyrebel
I am sorry this has happened to you....but....

Better him than you. Someone that has no regard for his own life sure isnt going to care about someone elses.. sounds like he did you a favor.
As for your parents...just my suggestion, but they dont love you. I mean, how could they. I am a parent and a grandparent. I would let myself die before I would let harm come to them. Sorry this is abrupt but this is my feeling.
Say so long to those so called parents. They DO NOT have your best interest at heart.
I totally agree. I am a parent too and I would rather die than have anyone do harm to my kid. Your parents need some serious therapy. I am so sorry for you but loving parents would not be complice to such dirty acts.

 
Old 08-21-2006, 09:37 PM   #5
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winged1 HB User
Cool Re: What should I do in regards to my parents?

i am in a similar situation. my parents, mom mostly, are spreading my abusive husbands lies about me to whoever will listen, then the rest of the family is all upset with the end result being i am totally isolated, no help or support at all, from those who'd you'd expect to care and help--family. he also contacts anyone nice enough to help or support us with end result being these people no longer feel safe extending their care and concern to us, so TOTAL isolation! My kids' friends have also disappeared out of fear of the angry abusive Husband.

I had to testify against my husband and he was convicted, and they act like I am the perpetrator--he attacked and threatened me in front of my 10 year old daughter. It sucks so bad that I have to laugh, it is utterly ridiculous. Truth is, they are malignant narcissists (parents and husband) and I end up with such a spouse because of who raised me. Only thing to do is get away from them, they want to destroy you. They loathe themselves but have to destroy you because you are and have everything that they do not have . Ususally that means you are kind, generous, smart, caring, have integrity, honesty and most importantly--strength. Use your strength and get away find others who are not at all like them to support you. don't know if you have faith, but proverbs and psalms are full of guidance, prayers and God's promises that He will never let these people succeed in harming you, gotta trust God and get your feet moving away from evil people.

 
Old 08-22-2006, 05:30 AM   #6
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minijumbofly HB User
Re: What should I do in regards to my parents?

My sympathy to you for all the drama you endured, sincerely speaking. Your ex already got what he deserved and the hired thug should be punished to the fullest extend possible, no need for any sentiment there.

I'm very glad that you still find it hard to prosecute your parents regardless of what they did to you. An eye for an eye only begets more hatred and rejunvenates the vicious cycle. I believe the point here now is how to move forward in a positive, constructive manner. Just let the past lies where it falls, cut loose from it and leave it behind.

Do not dwell on the why or how could they. You're not them and it does nothing but hurt to try figure out what's inside someone else minds, parents or not.

You need to move out of their house immediately (if you have not already done so) and move on with life on your own. Make a new beginning, preferably with some geological distance between you and them. (You will always be just a phone call away where ever you are anyways)

Put some space between yourself and their negative influences. Contact them only if they are not behaving resentful or revengeful. They still deserve some credit for your upbringing and condolence for now losing you.

May you find peace and mercy in all your future endeavors.

 
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