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whatshouldIdo 08-22-2006 12:21 PM

He says nothings wrong
 
Have a wonderful boyfriend, well until a few days ago. He has always been real sweet, and loving. We've been together for a few months, and all of the sudden, he has been acting real distant. I mean real distant. He works late sometimes, I understand that part. So I look forward to spenging time with him at night and on the weekends. Here over the past week or so, our time has been less and less. He used to call every morning to make sure to tell me that he loved me and to have a good day. He hasn't done it all week. He has somewhat of an attitude in his voice. He was supposed to come to my apartment to spend the night with me, he didn't show up. And didnt call this morning. I had a minor dental surgery yesterday morning, and he didn't call to make sure I was alright. Then didn't show up last night.

I've asked him what was wrong, and he swears nothing. I really don't see why he all of the sudden is acting like this. He's told me that he's not used to a woman being so sweet, and interested in what he wants for a change. Why would that make someone so distant? If thats even it.

He's been real secerative (spelling) lately too. Any advice? I don't want to push him to tell me whats going on, although I have told him it wasn't fair to me or my 2 kids (that have grown very attatched to him)...

susieq0726 08-22-2006 12:50 PM

Re: He says nothings wrong
 
Red flags all over the place. It doesn't sound very good. The last time a guy acted that way with me was because he didn't want to be with me anymore. I am not saying this is the case with you, but all the indicators would point that direction. Maybe he's got other things on his mind, I don't know. Eventually whatever it is, it will come out. Maybe it's time for a heart-to-heart honesty talk.

steve41863 08-22-2006 01:16 PM

Re: He says nothings wrong
 
Coming from a mans point of view and dealing with a similar situation within my own actions, chances are he is not wanting to be with you anymore, if like me, it's hard to just come out and say it, eventually he may or may not, if this is the case you need to talk to him and let him know regardless of the outcome, you want the truth, it's not fair being strung along if there's nothing there.

whatshouldIdo 08-22-2006 01:20 PM

Re: He says nothings wrong
 
[QUOTE=susieq0726]Red flags all over the place. It doesn't sound very good. The last time a guy acted that way with me was because he didn't want to be with me anymore. I am not saying this is the case with you, but all the indicators would point that direction. Maybe he's got other things on his mind, I don't know. Eventually whatever it is, it will come out. Maybe it's time for a heart-to-heart honesty talk.[/QUOTE]


He did say he's had some things on his mind, like his job, (got a ticket recently and drives a truck worried about losing job) ..Everybody has bills to pay. Other than that, he didn't say. He keeps saying that he loves me and he hopes that I know that. I have red flags everywhere

GypsyArcher 08-22-2006 01:24 PM

Re: He says nothings wrong
 
[QUOTE]He was supposed to come to my apartment to spend the night with me, he didn't show up. And didnt call this morning.[/QUOTE]

There is NO excuse (outside of an emergency) for someone to tell their gf/bf they are coming over, and then stand them up and not even call. No excuse. Someone who cares about you is not going to be that disrespectful and careless of your feelings.

Either he met someone else, already had a girlfriend or wife before he met you, or is going out and being up to no good, getting wasted. And even if none of these things are it, even if he just stayed at home watching TV, that almost makes it worse. He knew you were waiting for him and he just did not care.

Don't clutch on to this one. Don't waste time trying to analyze his behavior. Who cares why he stood you up? The fact is that he did, and you are not a priority in his life. You deserve better than that, so time to hand out his walking papers.

whatshouldIdo 08-22-2006 01:26 PM

Re: He says nothings wrong
 
Thanks Steve. I am going to try and talk to him one more time about it. I'm a little hesitant because I dont want to feel like I am giving him an ultimatum (sp) but I can't help feeling that if he is going to continue to act like this, we need to call it quits now.

cookiepls 08-22-2006 01:27 PM

Re: He says nothings wrong
 
I have to agree with susieq and steve. Let me also add that if reasonable communication with him is this difficult now, imagine it in a year or two. You two should still be in the honeymoon stage at this point. It's not looking very promising.

whatshouldIdo 08-22-2006 01:28 PM

Re: He says nothings wrong
 
[QUOTE=GypsyArcher]There is NO excuse (outside of an emergency) for someone to tell their gf/bf they are coming over, and then stand them up and not even call. No excuse. Someone who cares about you is not going to be that disrespectful and careless of your feelings.

Either he met someone else, already had a girlfriend or wife before he met you, or is going out and being up to no good, getting wasted. And even if none of these things are it, even if he just stayed at home watching TV, that almost makes it worse. He knew you were waiting for him and he just did not care.

Don't clutch on to this one. Don't waste time trying to analyze his behavior. Who cares why he stood you up? The fact is that he did, and you are not a priority in his life. You deserve better than that, so time to hand out his walking papers.[/QUOTE]


Oh I forgot to mention that he says he fell asleep and woke up around 1:30 am and decided it was too late to call. What about that?


Thanks for your input. :wave:

cookiepls 08-22-2006 01:31 PM

Re: He says nothings wrong
 
[QUOTE=GypsyArcher]There is NO excuse (outside of an emergency) for someone to tell their gf/bf they are coming over, and then stand them up and not even call. No excuse. Someone who cares about you is not going to be that disrespectful and careless of your feelings.[/QUOTE]Well said Gypsy! Even if he has problems weighing on his mind, there's no excuse for the disrespect he's showing you.

cookiepls 08-22-2006 01:36 PM

Re: He says nothings wrong
 
Does that explain away everything that's been different about him lately?

whatshouldIdo 08-22-2006 01:37 PM

Re: He says nothings wrong
 
[QUOTE=cookiepls]Does that explain away everything that's been different about him lately?[/QUOTE]


Not at all. I was just telling everyone what his excuse was.

rosequartz 08-22-2006 01:45 PM

Re: He says nothings wrong
 
[QUOTE=whatshouldIdo]Oh I forgot to mention that he says he fell asleep and woke up around 1:30 am and decided it was too late to call. What about that?


Thanks for your input. :wave:[/QUOTE]


Do you really believe that?
I smell a rat

steve41863 08-22-2006 01:46 PM

Re: He says nothings wrong
 
you don't have to give an ultimatum, you just need the truth, it's either a begining or closure, in order for him to be honest,(in my opinion) he just needs to know that it may hurt, but you deserve his honesty and for yourself,, you will overcome and grow from it.

cookiepls 08-22-2006 01:49 PM

Re: He says nothings wrong
 
Did he tell you why he didn't call you the morning of your dental visit or the next morning after he fell asleep? I'm trying to understand if it was just this one incident or if it's a pattern.

Nina000 08-22-2006 01:51 PM

Re: He says nothings wrong
 
Hi there,

If it is a one-off thing, I would let it go. It could be due to anything else (depression, work stress, personal issues). Of course he is wrong for not calling you, but this can be forgiven/corrected.
If his behaviour becomes a pattern, then you should worry about it.


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