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Old 08-23-2006, 01:53 AM   #1
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Unhappy BF "loves" me wants to sleep w. others not me

Sorry the fonts were too big on last post

I have a physical disability that prevents some types of romantic things, I have a TMJ jaw joint problem meaning no oral sex. My bf has always been Ok with it, we have been together 2 years. My tmj was bad summer of 2005, I barley wanted to get out of bed from the pain and so we took a break cause I couldnt keep up with him, I sort of pused him away. We got back together Sept. of 05. Since we have had a very loving, wonderful time with each other, except, he doesnt want to have sex with me. He talks to girls he meets online about dating them. He says he loves me and wants to marry me but wants to sleep with many girls. Thats just his thing he says. Now why am I such an idiot to buy that crap? Why am I still so in love with a man who has a whole other life (set of "friends") I dont even know. A man who isnt interested in making love to me. This is nuts!

 
Old 08-23-2006, 06:50 AM   #2
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Re: BF "loves" me wants to sleep w. others not me

Drop him. He does not love you - he is using you. If he is not sleeping with you he is sleeping with someone else. For him to flaunt wanting to be with other girls is emotional abuse.

You can and will find a better man than him.

 
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Old 08-23-2006, 11:44 AM   #3
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Re: BF "loves" me wants to sleep w. others not me

This "loves you but wanna sleep with others" thing ... is the most ridiculous BS I have even seen on this board. Shame on him!! ... he was well aware of your problems, broke up once, and you guys got back together. He should be well prepared for all the issues, and should have been addressed before jumping back onto you. Please leave him and find yourself a better man.

You sound like a nice girl, a lot of guys would love to date you, and wouldn't wanna sleep with others just because you can't perform oral sex or have a low sex drive because of your illness. A lot of men out there, are more understanding and reasonable than you'd think.

Take care, and best of luck.

 
Old 08-23-2006, 12:59 PM   #4
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Re: BF "loves" me wants to sleep w. others not me

you're confusing "loving him" with "settling for him"

why would you settle for this? don't you think you deserve better?

 
Old 08-23-2006, 03:39 PM   #5
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Re: BF "loves" me wants to sleep w. others not me

You're not actually in love with him. You're just comfortable with being with someone because you've been with him so long, and you're afraid of change. But as Rose pointed out, settling for him is a HUGE mistake.

This is stupid. Don't let this go on any longer, because you're being used. If ANY guy I dated said something like that to me, he'd be out the door in two seconds. I personally would never put up with that, not from any guy, ever.

 
Old 08-23-2006, 04:00 PM   #6
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Re: BF "loves" me wants to sleep w. others not me

It is hard enough for ALL of us, but especially the disabled, to build the self-esteem necessary to accept only those relationships that enrich our lives. Accepting this kind of behavior, from someone who professes to love you, will not help you build that self-esteem, but actually tear down what you've worked so hard to build up. This is not love. I'm not exactly sure what it is, but I know, and you must realize, that you deserve better. Forgive me, if I say things you don't feel, but I've found many disabled women feel less or broken or somehow "less deserving" of the things they believe other women have. They will often settle for less, because they believe it's all they are going to get.
What I've discovered, is that there is a little "disabled" in every woman's thinking. What I mean by that is no woman think's she's perfect. Some think it might be their hips, others their breasts, still others their voice or chin or nose. I find the women who are successful at finding true love, realize they are not perfect, but neither are their lovers. They somehow manage to put their, less then perfect physical attributes, on the back burrner and focus on their strengths. As a disabled woman, you might have a little more to face, you might need to be a little bit stronger and tougher, you might need to work a little harder to build that mountain of self-esteem, but you can do it. I know you shouldn't have to and I know it's not fair, but that's life. And, the work has it's own rewards. I don't believe there is anything more sexy then a healthly dose of self-confidence.
This man you are with has it really good right now, your love to fall back on, when he's not out fooling around with other women. It serves him no purpose for you to feel that you deserve more. A woman who knows she deserves better would never put up with this behavior, so he's hoping that you will continue to believe he's the best you'll ever find. I hope you just realize that most of the male population is better, and you'll head out that door, looking for one of them.
One more thing, and this applies to every one of us. You will NEVER be happy with someone who cannot accept your strengths and your weaknesses, (the ones that cannot be fixed). You are who you are and some things cannot be changed. Any partner who takes the easy and rejects the hard, will NOT BE THERE when the chips fall. You might as well let them go now, while you are strong because they will break and disappear when push comes to shove and you need them. I've seen this over and over.

Last edited by eve40; 08-24-2006 at 04:21 AM.

 
Old 08-23-2006, 08:34 PM   #7
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Re: BF "loves" me wants to sleep w. others not me

Listen to the great advice given by the posters! As someone who has been in emotionally abusive relationships myself, taking this advice will help you lead a happy and fulfilled life. Ditch this guy.

Visual how great it would be to be with a guy who doesn't want to make love to anyone else but you!

Staying with him will not only cause you emotional harm, but it could also cause you physical harm. If you're with him and he's been sleeping with other women, you could get a sexually transmitted disease. Some of these diseases have no cure. Some of them could even cause you to be infertile, meaning you won't be able to have kids one day.

You DESERVE nothing less than a guy who will be committed to you and who doesn't make you feel this way.

Please love yourself first, love yourself enough to not put up with this anymore.

 
Old 08-25-2006, 06:48 PM   #8
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Re: BF "loves" me wants to sleep w. others not me

***? if he really loved you, he would accept you and he wouldn't want to sleep with other girls. Don't believe him. I'm sorry to say this, but it could be that he says that because he doesn't want to hurt you or whatever. Youd erserve better. Find a man that loves you enough to not sleep with other women. Your bf is a LOSER!!!! As much as it hurts, move on because you can't be with some one like that. Good luck
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