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Old 08-23-2006, 08:57 AM   #1
D31 D31 is offline
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Should a freindship be based on who you are partners with ?

I have been freinds with a couple for around 10 years now. I have been dating my b/f off and on for 3 years now. He has done some pretty messed up things. But he is getting better making changes. They do not believe him. They think I can do better etc... Well my heart tells me I should be with him . Yes he has done some things people do not agree with. but should they base our freindship on it. I was told some terriable things by them.. directed to me. They live next door to me, in a building they know the owner but I do as well as I have lived there before. They say had they known I was dating him they would have axed the idea of me being in there. Because of him. Now he is not living there. Just me. He comes over sure. Now the way they are acting he is charles manson. Not even close. He has some emtoional issues. But to say such terriable things to me. I feel like I have a warden I have to report to.And my whole freindship is based on who I date. Is this fair ?

 
Old 08-23-2006, 01:50 PM   #2
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Re: Should a freindship be based on who you are partners with ?

Not sure what is fair. But you can choose who you are friends with. If this guy means that much to you then dump them as your friends. But if they are true friends and very important to you, then maybe they know something you don't and you are in denial about it because you love this guy.

 
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Old 08-23-2006, 08:38 PM   #3
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Re: Should a freindship be based on who you are partners with ?

I don't think it's fair to say your friendship is based on who you date. If that's really the case, they aren't your true friends. But, could it be that they are seeing something you're not? Maybe you just need clarify to them that you'll take their warnings and you'll take action (meaning dump him) if he fails to do good or if he causes harm. If this is already the second, third, fourth, fifth chances you've given, maybe they are seeing something you're not. If you really do think he's changed, maybe they should get to know him better. All in all, just do what's best for you.

 
Old 08-23-2006, 09:07 PM   #4
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Re: Should a freindship be based on who you are partners with ?

I agree with the others. You're not seeing something that your friends are clearly seeing. Give us one logical reason why you think your friends of 10 years would want to see you sad and without love by telling you this stuff that YOU think sounds just too improbable.

I think the situation is clear from the first thing that you said in your post. Let's recap: you've been friends with these people for 10 years. You've been dating this guy (whom even you admit has made some questionable decisions) on and off for 3 years. Why would you think that its your friends that you need to dump? Trading 10 years of consistency for 3 years of inconsistency seems completely illogical to me. I would weigh what your friends have to say much heavier than you currently are.

 
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