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Old 08-23-2006, 12:12 PM   #1
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Marriage/Military

So, this sucks really bad for me. I am torn. My g/f of 8 months and I have been talking about marriage. Seeing that I am in the military and I will be leaving the states next year, we were getting serious about the idea. I want her to go with me, she wanted to go with me. But then out of no where she has a change of heart. She says she doesn't think she is ready for marriage, and I am just dumb founded. I say well you know in order for you to go with me we have to be married, and i throw in the comment well you've told me before that i am the one for you, whats up? She just simply replies, i want to live my life. I say well I want to live mine too, but I want you in it... Now this is where we are now. She has seen me break down in tears over this. I see no point in dragging the relationship out till next year if we are going to have to spend three years apart while I am in italy. Am I being stupid? or what going? I need some outside points of view.. How can I change her mind and/or should I let her live here and I change my plans to travel and try to stay here with her. She originally wanted to travel. . . I am hurt by her actions and don't know what too do. . please help, thanks.

 
Old 08-23-2006, 01:41 PM   #2
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Silver Lining HB User
Re: Marriage/Military

May I ask how old you and your g/f are before I give a response?

 
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Old 08-23-2006, 05:52 PM   #3
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Re: Marriage/Military

we are 22, she graduates College in march, and will be 23 before I leave for italy

 
Old 08-23-2006, 08:06 PM   #4
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Re: Marriage/Military

Quick response from the peanut gallery. You both are still very young but starting to think of the future and settling down. In the scheme of things eight months is not that long to make life altering decisions. If this is your dream you need to live it. This is a once in a life time opportunity for you and you shouldn't have to give it up. Make sure what ever you decide you don't play what if games. Take time to reevaluate both sides also check into your contract, you may not have a choice if you are being deployed.

Everything happens for a reason, it may not be clear now, but will make sense someday.

 
Old 08-24-2006, 12:25 AM   #5
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Re: Marriage/Military

yeah i know how you feel, but opposite i guess... i choose to go to turkey when i had the choice of staying with my fiance(we just got engaged when i got the orders) in the states(he didnt know I had the choice until I told him a few months down the line). I went anyways, it hurt him, but I had always wanted to go overseas. to make a long story short the 15months was long as hell(lonely, but took my frustartion out by running for hrs at a time) , he visited me for a mo. , i visted him for a mo., emails, letters, packages, videos, loooong phone calls, ect, ect. We made it, here we are 3 yrs later(been together since Dec 01) =). Well she may be getting cold feet? or she might be nervous about being the lonely foreiner w/o fam and friends and only u to lean on?.. all i gotta say is if u guys dont marry b4 u leave, thats not grounds 4 breaking up (time and being apart realy do make the heart grow fonder). Give it some time , go to italy absorb the culture, explore what you can, bring her over 4 a visit, tell her the wonderful things you have learned living outside the u.s., let her know it make you appeciate life in a new way, and let her know you want to experience all these new sights, smells, and people with her!! I dont know u guys personally so thats all i got (im no Dr. Phil ) lol. off the subject (kinda messed up i know) I knew sooo many military guys and gals who just got married (of course no fam knew-2 them its just a piece of paper) just so that they coud get xtra $$$ and could wind up stationed together haha funny!!! Marriage aint what it used 2 b!! Good luck JEG!!!!!!

Last edited by josieinkwt; 08-24-2006 at 12:47 AM.

 
Old 08-24-2006, 05:04 AM   #6
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Re: Marriage/Military

This is coming from a military wife. My husband is in the Navy and we have been happily married for 12 yrs.
In my opnion, being a military wife is one of the most difficult jobs to have, but also one of the most rewarding. I was 32 yrs old when I married him and was very independent before I met him. It takes a strong woman to deal with military life, and your girlfriend is very young. In the 12 yrs I have been with my husband, I have seen many a marriage not survive the stress, separation and strife on military couples - Especially the young ones.
New marriage and moving her out of the country away from her family and friends could be more than she's able to deal with right now. Especially if she is waffling back forth now.
I would have to say that you better be very careful and SURE before you go through with this. It's better to have love and lost - knowing some day you WILL find a woman that will be able to deal with military life.

 
Old 08-24-2006, 02:00 PM   #7
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Re: Marriage/Military

we are young, but i know she is what i want.. and i don't think we would make it 3 years apart. I want to do a lot of things with my life, but the number one thing was to have a family, I want her in my life.

 
Old 08-24-2006, 02:23 PM   #8
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Re: Marriage/Military

Please try to be patient with her. I am new to being a Coast Guard girlfriend (very new, he was sworn in last week) and I'll tell you, I'm not loving it. It was hard to see him leave, it's hard to be without him now, and it will be hard in the future when he is gone again. We are also planning on getting married when he returns home from basic. I know everyone is different, but I have doubted my decision that this will work, but I remember that I love him and always come back to that. I know you may be annoyed with her doubts and probably tears, but if she is like me, she's doing the best she can. My boyfriend and I are both young as well (im 23, he's 25) but we believe that we can make this work. Just give it time, don't pressure her, and keep posting here...we'll help you

 
Old 08-25-2006, 03:58 AM   #9
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Unhappy Re: Marriage/Military

well aparently what has happened is that in a matter of one day, she has gotten tired of me. Or so she says, she wants space and needs a break from us. Now she says she doesn't want to get married untill we are 27, and we are 22 now. 5 years. and I leave this place next year most likely. I can try and stay here, but Why should I make sacrafices when she says she doesn't know if she wants to be with me much more. ?? ? what does this say? has she met someone? or whats going on in her head. She has gone from one extreme to another. SO my next question is ... How do you leave the love of your life, when aparently you are the one holding her back in her eyes. . she doesn't think she can have a career with me in her life. She says She needs to focus on her and us. and basically that i am now just there and if i don't come over she wouldn't miss me. . and this is all hard for me cause I was already planning our future, kids, houses, jobs, making future memories and now they are gone. . .

 
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