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Old 08-23-2006, 05:05 PM   #1
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her annoying voice could be the dealbreaker...

I've been dating this woman for 3 years. We broke up twice within the first 6 months, not for arguing or anything (we've never had an argument the whole time), but mainly because she was head over heels in love and I wasn't feeling it, so I felt guilty. She's 38 and I'm 47. She is beautiful too, and gets mistaken for someone in her mid 20's. So time went on, we got engaged, she moved in, lost her job, and it all went to hell in 6 months (I work from home, so we were basically together 24 hours a day, 7 days a week...it really got intolerable during this time). The woman is wonderful in every way, except for her voice, and the fact that she talks too much...she sounds like she talks through her nose instead of her mouth all the time (if anyone knows how to improve that, PLEASE let me know.)
We weren't happy...so we decided to break the engagement, then she moved into an apartment ( I helped all along, and we're still friends). I think I want to get back with her, but I'm unsure. She has a job now, we're just taking time apart to sort things out. I could never tell her about her voice, I really don't think it would be the right thing to do. But I miss her like crazy, and I don't want her to move on with someone else, or really start dating again. The voice is a big thing...and it is annoying to most people I know that have heard her, considering she could talk the ears off a brass monkey.... I would marry this woman in a minute if I could bring myself to like her voice...hypnosis maybe for me? What would you do in this situation? Tell her about the voice? Move on?

 
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Old 08-23-2006, 05:26 PM   #2
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justme1issa HB User
Re: her annoying voice could be the dealbreaker...

Maybe you could suggest she be checked for a deviated septum or if she still has her tonsils and adenoids. Just thinking on medical terms. Don't know what to tell you on a personal level. Sorry.

 
Old 08-23-2006, 05:28 PM   #3
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Re: her annoying voice could be the dealbreaker...

But how could she possibly change her voice? this is a bit too difficult. If you tell her, I still don't think that she can get another voice either, and she will get hurt as well? I don't know about that, but if you love someone, things like that don't make you so irritated. Didn't you speak to her at all when you first fell in love???

 
Old 08-23-2006, 05:35 PM   #4
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Re: her annoying voice could be the dealbreaker...

I don't know if anyone can change the way their voice naturally sounds (maybe it is possible, I have no clue). But somehow I think that if you really loved her, then it wouldn't bother you so much and you'd be able to accept it.

As for her talking too much - that I can help with. I have discovered that it is actually possible to train your mind to block out the sound of someone's voice, even when they are right next to you. My boyfriend, sweetheart that he is, has an unnervating need to constantly voice his opinion about every topic under the sun. You can't watch TV with him. But over the years I've been amazed to discover that I can completely block his voice out at will. He'll speak whole sentences and I won't even know he's talking. It's done wonders for our relationship.

Sorry to say, but I think if you really want to be with someone, then you accept them warts and all. If you can't accept her voice, then maybe she's just not the one for ya bud.
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Old 08-23-2006, 08:55 PM   #5
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Re: her annoying voice could be the dealbreaker...

Quote:
Originally Posted by justme1issa
Maybe you could suggest she be checked for a deviated septum or if she still has her tonsils and adenoids. Just thinking on medical terms. Don't know what to tell you on a personal level. Sorry.
This is a good suggestion. She might also have submucous cleft palate, which would cause her voice to sound overly nasal. Only a doctor, preferably and ENT, could determine that. There are also vocal excercises one can do to change the quality of the voice, but they would take time, regular practice, and money. It would be best if she could be evaluated by a speech pathologist.

Having said all this, it is hard to imagine that you would be in love with this woman and be so irritated by her voice. Is it just her voice or something else that really drives you nuts? Or perhaps you are finding fault with her because you might be afraid of marrying? Just some suggestions to think about.

 
Old 08-24-2006, 04:26 AM   #6
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eve40 HB User
Re: her annoying voice could be the dealbreaker...

I'm sorry, but I would never go to such extremes to keep a man who thinks the sound of my voice is a deal breaker? If that's all it took, I'd have to question his committment and stamina, and those questions would be MY dealbreakers.

Last edited by eve40; 08-24-2006 at 04:27 AM.

 
Old 08-24-2006, 04:36 AM   #7
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Re: her annoying voice could be the dealbreaker...

lol are you in love with this woman? seriously, if not, then dont marry her. how unfair on her! and you! itll only end in tears!
if you are in love with her, somehow i dont think you are, then take the advice of what others have posted.
goodluck!

 
Old 08-24-2006, 04:55 AM   #8
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Re: her annoying voice could be the dealbreaker...

Your story reminds me of The TV "Friends" when Chandler was dating Janice. Her voice was also annoying.
If her voice is a deal breaker, then it's a deal breaker. She can't change it, so either learn to accept it or move on.

 
Old 08-24-2006, 05:03 AM   #9
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Re: her annoying voice could be the dealbreaker...

I had a friend who has the same problem. It is really quite devastating.

I dont think you love her. By the sounds of your post.
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Old 08-24-2006, 05:16 AM   #10
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Re: her annoying voice could be the dealbreaker...

I know someone who puts on a different voice when she is talking to different people. Do you think that's the problem?

The person I know talks to me in a regular voice, but when she meets someone new or someone she wants to "impress" she talks in a high whiney voice (trying to be cutsie or something.) People have actually asked me if she is mentally challenged and I say "Nope she talks normal when I talk to her." (We're actually related so I've know her my whole life.)

Anyway, just thought I'd throw that out there cause i know that annoys the be-jeezus out of me.

 
Old 08-24-2006, 05:24 AM   #11
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Re: her annoying voice could be the dealbreaker...

Quote:
Originally Posted by kayleighsmom
I know someone who puts on a different voice when she is talking to different people. Do you think that's the problem?

The person I know talks to me in a regular voice, but when she meets someone new or someone she wants to "impress" she talks in a high whiney voice (trying to be cutsie or something.) People have actually asked me if she is mentally challenged and I say "Nope she talks normal when I talk to her." (We're actually related so I've know her my whole life.)

Anyway, just thought I'd throw that out there cause i know that annoys the be-jeezus out of me.
LOL!!! Awe thats good value
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Old 08-24-2006, 06:15 AM   #12
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Re: her annoying voice could be the dealbreaker...

Quote:
Originally Posted by GypsyArcher
IAs for her talking too much - that I can help with. I have discovered that it is actually possible to train your mind to block out the sound of someone's voice, even when they are right next to you. My boyfriend, sweetheart that he is, has an unnervating need to constantly voice his opinion about every topic under the sun. You can't watch TV with him. But over the years I've been amazed to discover that I can completely block his voice out at will. He'll speak whole sentences and I won't even know he's talking. It's done wonders for our relationship.
Gypsy - I think this is hilarious!!!!

 
Old 08-24-2006, 09:00 AM   #13
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Re: her annoying voice could be the dealbreaker...

I dont know, but I gotta say...did you like her voice 3 years ago?

 
Old 08-24-2006, 10:35 AM   #14
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Re: her annoying voice could be the dealbreaker...

Wow, you must have fallen for just the appearance/beauty alone. Believe me, if you cannot stand the sound of her talking to you, there is NO way you can maintain open communication with her let alone love her.

I seconded the past post that say "if you love someone, you love them warts and all" It's not fair to have her alter her voice even if it can be done! So first the voice, then what ? May be a boob job or model lessons ?

You can turn a blind eye to not look at things that bother you but it is damn difficult to turn a deaf ear on will. ( except for Gypsy ) If you cannot get pass yourself to listen to that, then you might as well break the deal.

P.S. Gypsy should publish her "how to block voice technique" for the benefit of the rest of us. I'll give limbs to aquire this ability.

 
Old 08-24-2006, 12:27 PM   #15
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Re: her annoying voice could be the dealbreaker...

If it is such a big deal for you I don't see how it can be helped. If she irritate you already there is no question of marriage. I tried "shrink" once who told me that I have "boring whining voice" or something pleasant like that. I am also having heavy accent. My dh is american and we married 9 y already and touch wood it is not a problem for him.

 
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