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Old 08-24-2006, 08:37 PM   #1
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Baby_hands HB User
Whats the difference between how a guy treats a friend and someone he is into?

Hey all you beautiful fabulous people .


As some of you may know, I have a been developing a good relationship with a new friend of mine. We have only known each other for about a month so its all very new.

Anyway, I am now coming to a stage where...I really feel I could develop feelings for this guy. Everything about him impresses me. I'm amazed by this man!

I had recently come to the decision..he is most likely interested. But he said something to me last night that kind of set me back thinking.."Am i totally wrong?" He said to me : "You are a good friend Jaz".


Since my last post, things..I thought..had progressed quite nicely.

Alot more hugs..they have become more "endearing and longer" hugs. Not just the "meet and greet" kind.

He has lately been text messaging me every day. He has been asking alot of questions about myself.

At one stage we were talking about hair and he made the statement "Your hair is perfect".

He tells me that everytime we talk it gets better and better....


He wanted to call me the other night but we worked out it'd be too expensive (cell phone 2 cell phone is expensive here) so we arranged to have a nice chat over MSN messenger the following night.

After our conversation last night on MSN, he had to rush off to work so he said "We can catch up tommorrow night after our church prayer meeting".


Now...TO ME....if a guy is just interested in being friends....he definately does not act like that. He may take things slow and want to get to know you before telling you how he feels...but if he aint interested, he doesnt do and say all those things.

But that "Your a good friend Jaz" line..oo set me back in my mind about all this.

So, tell me, what do you think?

A part of me says..."Jaz..at the moment you are ONLY friends, so he is just affirming that."

But then again I am a female and I look into every minor detail lol.
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Old 08-24-2006, 08:59 PM   #2
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Re: Whats the difference between how a guy treats a friend and someone he is into?

Quote:
A part of me says..."Jaz..at the moment you are ONLY friends, so he is just affirming that."
You know, I think it sounds like that is just what it is. If you guys are spending a lot of time talking and getting to know each other, not to mention hugging each time you see each other, it definetly sounds like you are getting quite close. I've never had a habit of hugging any of my guy friends. And who the heck knows. Maybe he can't read you either and thinks you just want to be his friend.

I had this ginormous crush on a guy in high school, and he talked to me every day, at length. And then when anybody on the bus would make a comment about his apparent interest in me, he'd turn to the person and say, "I'm just talking to her because she's the new girl." I was like, Thanks, jerk. And then whenever we would be inside the building and he'd be talking to me and someone would make a comment, he'd say, "Oh, I'm just talking to her because she rides my bus." I'd be like, I hate you.

You gotta kick it up a notch here, girl. How have you been with dropping hints? Any kind of flirting going on? What if you two are both into each other, but are both worried that the other only wants to be friends, so you get stuck in park and end up going nowhere? Maybe you could get a little more playful, and see if he responds in kind. Good luck!
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Old 08-24-2006, 09:40 PM   #3
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Fabat40 HB User
Re: Whats the difference between how a guy treats a friend and someone he is into?

Hi Baby Hands,

I agree w/ Gypsy, kick it up a notch.

But then, from my experience, most men doesn't spend a lot of time with women whom they're not interested in. Unless they're gay and it's like spending time with another girl. One of my best friends is gay and he's been helping me with my wedding plans. And I love spending time with him.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Peace

 
Old 08-25-2006, 05:04 AM   #4
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Re: Whats the difference between how a guy treats a friend and someone he is into?

I've been friends with this guy for 10 years. We went to college together. We lost touch for a while, but I found him again last year in January. I started spending a lot of time with him last year, and it was really awesome because he was even cooler than I remembered him being in school.

He kept saying that he was happy where he was at, which is single and on his own. But he would also sent me signals like hugging me for a really long time, showing up at my door if I was crying and upset so he could comfort me, and just generally, spend an awful lot of time calling me or leaving me emails. It's pretty much just like your situation.

So this year in January, after we'd gone out to dinner and I'd had some wine, I finally decided I'd have to tell him how I realy felt. I was afraid that if I didn't, he might start dating someone else and I'd miss my chance. So, he started hugging me goodbye, and I just totally kissed him. He didn't protest or push me away. In fact he really enjoyed it. And we've been dating ever since.

So, after my experience, I guess my advice to you would be to go for it. You can either lay it out on the line and just tell him how you feel, or you can make a move like I did. Either way, I'm personally not sorry I did that, because he's honestly the greatest b/f I've ever had. It's working out so well for me because we were such close friends before dating. And the best relationships work out when you've been really good friends first.

 
Old 08-25-2006, 07:33 AM   #5
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minijumbofly HB User
Re: Whats the difference between how a guy treats a friend and someone he is into?

From the amount of time spent talking and text messaging and all, I'll say he's got to be interested in more than just friendship.

He seems reserved and well mannered enough. So the statement "you are a good friend" could be his way of saying that he's not rushing into things and he's not in it just for the sex. This is supposed to be a good quality, isn't it?

If he is a true christian, then this relationship is on course since you are suppose to be friends BEFORE lovers. He is almost too good to be real. (And I thought God broke the mold after I was made)

So go ahead, don't worry or analysis every sentence to death. Although, it would help if we knew what happened at the B-ball game.

 
Old 08-25-2006, 05:37 PM   #6
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Re: Whats the difference between how a guy treats a friend and someone he is into?

Hi Baby hands - from your original thread about this guy, I defenitely thought like the others that he was interested in you! but now, like you I am also a bit confused.

I do know that Christian people, see each other as equals, and although not religious myself, I have friends that are, and observe alot of love and affection between them!

Maybe this guy just genuinely like you and enjoy your company, and we can't assume here that because he spends a fair bit of time talking to you and texting etc, that he fancies you!

The comment he made about you being a good friend, could be taken a few ways, one being to make it clear to you in a polite manner, what his intentions are, another maybe he is playing a game to see what your reaction is! to feel you out by your response!

Maybe this guy is just like this, friendly with everyone, or he maybe just a flirt, and has sensed you like him, and is flattered by your attention towards him.

Like someone else said, perhaps you should take it up a notch, and maybe ask him.

good luck

 
Old 08-25-2006, 06:08 PM   #7
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Re: Whats the difference between how a guy treats a friend and someone he is into?

Well, what I believe it really all comes down to is closing the deal. Love and relationships are not too different from a business proposition. You can dance around it all you want, but in the end you have to either close the deal or take a walk.

So, sooner or later one of you is going to have to make the big move. Whose it gonna be? Are you willing to wait for him to do it or are you brave enough to drop a few not-so-subtle hints about how you feel about him?

You see, fear of rejection plays a big part in this game, but sooner or later, one of you is going to have to take a chance. In the end, the worst that could happen is that you'll just remain good friends...doesn't sound too bad does it? So, what do you have to lose?

Go ahead, take a chance...life is too short. Better to live in reality than to wander around in disilusion

 
Old 08-26-2006, 12:21 AM   #8
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Re: Whats the difference between how a guy treats a friend and someone he is into?

Hi everyone,

Thank you all for your replies.

See, I cant really intiate him because for starters...he believes the man should intiate and I also believe that as well. So we are both on the same understanding that if anyone was going to make a move..it would have to be him.

I have been dropping hints by responding well to what I believe are his hints lol.

Last night for example, we were talking online after me and a group of us went out...and he said "We will have to go to the movies some time, is that cool with you?"

Oh..and we were talking about sabbath and he was asking what I believe on the sabbath and "day of rest" concept. I told him that HE NEEDED a day of rest because he does alot. His response..I thought was...quite flirty:

"alright i'll try take one soon; you'll have to be incorporated in it though; cant have much rest without Jaz now can you?"


I think I'm pickin up on a vibe there! lol.

Oh and the ball game! LOL we were supposed to do it this weekend but I had to go back to my parents home this weekend to work in a soup kitchen.
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Last edited by Baby_hands; 08-26-2006 at 12:24 AM.

 
Old 08-26-2006, 08:42 AM   #9
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Re: Whats the difference between how a guy treats a friend and someone he is into?

Oh yes, he definitely likes you as more than a friend, BabyHands! I think he is just afraid to make any obvious moves and is working up his courage to do that. Maybe he wants the two of you to have a foundation of friendship first and get to know each other better. I don't think a guy would want to spend as much time and have as much contact with a girl if he was not romantically interested. I bet he will try holding your hand when you're in the movie theater

 
Old 08-26-2006, 06:03 PM   #10
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Re: Whats the difference between how a guy treats a friend and someone he is into?

Ohhh my instincts tell me your right Sophia, it makes sense to me.

He told me last time we talked that I have an "innocent and unassuming look" and then went on to say "That whole innocent thing in women is great."

I am just going to enjoy this.

Its funny though, another member of the same church told me they liked me a couple of nights ago but said they understood nothing could happen because he had to move back to Africa and knew a long distance relationship wouldnt work. I mean, I was VERY flattered, he is a great guy but I did tell him I am interested in someone else right now. And besides..who would have a long distance relationship with someone they have only known for a month? lol.

Wow, for the first time in a long time..I am sparking the interest of real good godly men. Praise Jesus! LOL
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Old 08-26-2006, 06:42 PM   #11
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strongernow HB User
Re: Whats the difference between how a guy treats a friend and someone he is into?

Is he gay?

But since I am a guy. He will want to french kiss, make out, and be more sensual physically if he is into you.

 
Old 08-27-2006, 08:15 PM   #12
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Baby_hands HB User
Re: Whats the difference between how a guy treats a friend and someone he is into?

lol I am certain he is not gay.

Christian guys are different to non-Christian guys. Sure, they have the desire, but they *usually* dont just act out on every feeling that they get. They try to be more self-controlled.

Which I really like. I get immediately creeped out if someone tries to get physical with me too fast..or becomes too keen too fast...that makes me want to run.
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Great beauty and virtue rarely dwell together.

Last edited by Baby_hands; 08-27-2006 at 08:17 PM.

 
Old 08-28-2006, 08:14 AM   #13
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Kentucky_Miss HB User
Re: Whats the difference between how a guy treats a friend and someone he is into?

In my opinion, until a RELATIONSHIP is formed beyond friendship, than a man is going to treat you how you choose to let him. A man is a simple creature who is mainly motivated by the following (heard this on comedy central, and I so agree) food, sex, sleep and bowel movements. This just means he isn't too picky, and will settle for you if you just provide him with a way to achieve the above obtainables for him.

Now, unless a man professes his undieing love, straight to your face, and not behind a mullberry bush, and lovingly brushes his hair off your face to gaze into your eyes with awe, than he probably thinks of you as a good friend. Nothing wrong with that. I think I made some sense here, but its up to you to decode men, lol, I am lost!

 
Old 08-28-2006, 08:54 AM   #14
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strongernow HB User
Re: Whats the difference between how a guy treats a friend and someone he is into?

Describe keen. Never heard of that word.

 
Old 08-28-2006, 10:51 AM   #15
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Re: Whats the difference between how a guy treats a friend and someone he is into?

Quote:
Originally Posted by strongernow
Describe keen. Never heard of that word.
Keen basically means very eager or enthusiastic about something. It's a British word.

 
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