My husband and I have a couple who are our friends. We've known them for a short time compared to our other friends, but have spent a great deal of time together as families. They are not married but living together with a 2 year old child. She has said they are getting married but when the subject is brought up, he claims they are not - for various reasons.
Anyway, as time has gone on and we have spent weekend trips with them, not to mention all the times during the week, we've found that we don't like HER. At. All. She is manipulative, controlling, lazy, moody and whiney. She can't or won't take care of her own child alone, calling on him to help or do everything for her. She does not clean or do dishes (piles sitting on the counters for days and days, causing flies to swarm the entire house). She calls him every 5 minutes (I'm not exaggerating the # either) when he stops over to help out with something or just to see what's going on, even if she is not home anyway. She has disallowed him to go fishing or hunting of any kind with my husband and if they run an errand or do a sidejob, she calls him constantly. The stories I've heard from my husband about how she uses sex to manipulate him to not do the things he enjoys are outrageous and its rumored they barely have sex but a few times a month. She is jealous and controlling yet she cyber stalks her ex boyfriend from 4 years ago and receives emails from other exes, however, she has a key logger on her PC to track HIS whereabouts on the internet! I could go on and on and on.
So my question is this: at what point, or is there a point, that we offer our outside opinion or guidance to him about their relationship? He is miserable, complains about most of the stuff to either my husband or us together and I think feels trapped because of the child. I refuse to spend time with them any longer because she has directly caused drama in my life and I have enough! I don't like her but I don't want him to think that we don't like him so I feel like I should say something. But I also don't want to offend him either. They are young, 25 & 26, and life is too short to spend it like that. I can't bare to watch it anymore either, period.
So do we say something or just shut up and continue putting distance between us gradually, until we no longer have to be subjected to their crap?
I would say taht if he wasn't complaining, then you shouldn't step in and try to fix it for him. But if he is complaining about it, try to advise him as well as you can.
Try to take your personal liking for the woman out of it thoguh when you advise. Say to him, what do you think the problem is? Then go by his answer, try to not make it into a bashing session about her, that won't help.
Also, if he says the only reason he's staying is for the child, exlpain to him that their baby will be much better off in the long run with happy parents who aren't together than miserab;e parents who hate their lives.
Many people have successful co-parenting situations. Not being together isn't the end of the world for kids, it's how the parents handle the co-parenting.
Since he is saying they aren't getting married, I take it he knows there is a problem and wouldn't really need it pointed out to him. As far as you and your husband go.......if you don't want to socialize with her....simply don't do it anymore. Make excuses and if he comes right out and asks, then explain to him that it's HER you don't want to be around. Be prepared that he may be offended. No matter how he feels about her, hearing it from someone else might be hard to do. Another thing, if your husband and this man still does anything together, maybe your husband could explain to him that no reflection on him but you don't want to have anything else to do with her. Her house keeping and the things HE puts up with from her is simply not your concern. Distance yourself from this woman, but be prepared to lose both friendships.