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Why do i suck so much at getting a girlfriend?

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Old 08-25-2006, 06:44 PM   #1
Join Date: Oct 2004
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MrZeely HB User
Why do i suck so much at getting a girlfriend?

I mean, im not too attractive, theres one HUGE fault in me thats very obvious and you pretty much know it right off the bat, so i know that'll instantly draw girls away. Im not too attractive, that fault, but i have a great personality (not to sound conceited or anything, few of them actually care to get to realize that, but the few that have say that its true).

The only two girlfriends i had, didnt really seem like it was anything. The first one really did care about me, we got close, but i knew the entire time i was only her second choice. Then my second girlfriend liked me for whatever reason, but shes bad news to begin with (i always refuse to believe you guys when you say so, but then i realize it, then change my mind again just because im desperate).

As sad as this sounds, im very desperate. Not for a girlfriend, nah, ill live, but for a female friend who actually cares for me. I mean my first girlfriend claims to care about me, but she changed so much that its not talking to the same person anymore, then my second girlfriend cares about me but it bugs me because she gives these TOTALLY mixed signals. Like i told you guys before, it'll be at least a few years before my next girlfriend, and at this rate it seems the same.

I dont know what im trying to get across in this thread, but i just need to vent i guess. Vent, and i really really REALLY need advice. There isnt much i can do, im hopeless. I mean, i cant say that i really live for anyone but my two parents, and a few real friends who i wont see for a really long time (college). I mean now day in and day out, its either college, work, college homework, or videogames (and lately its been Laura, and im realizing again its a horrible idea). Sorry that this topic is just scrambled information, i just need to do this. Im getting really fed up with life, i have no idea what im going to do with the rest of it, and even if i decide i hate how thats ALL i will ever do, i understand this is life and every single person goes through this, but to me, i dont really see much reason to live on for. Not that im suicidal, nah, i have been before and i sent myself to the hospital and decided i cant do that unless i actually do it for a reason, its just that i hate seeing just a black wall as my future. Im desperate for a caring female friend, hell, a girlfriend would be AMAZING but at this rate, i cant see one for at least 2-3 years at the minimum. I cant put up with just college work, and my job isnt bad but my manager drives me up a wall.

Sorry again...maybe i will come back later and put up a smaller paragraph to say how i feel again, might just be the spur of the moment depression feeling.

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Old 08-25-2006, 07:00 PM   #2
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~charlotte08~ HB User
Re: Why do i suck so much at getting a girlfriend?

First, I would like to know your fault if its ok with you. Second, be patient. Everything happens for a reason and just be happy of your time being single because sooner or later, you'll find a girlfriend. Just enjoy life and live it to its fullest. I hope you find the right one soon.
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Old 08-25-2006, 07:07 PM   #3
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brook65 HB User
Re: Why do i suck so much at getting a girlfriend?

Arr Lazer- you are not hopeless, just emotional, or human.

We have all been where you are now, and feeling the way you feel, but as I have said before you are SO young, stop fretting about where your life is going etc etc.

I know that is easier said than done, but you are 18 if I remember right, your hormones are probably still all over the place, so a lot of what you are experiencing could be put down to that.

We know how when you meet a girl you like, you do tend to have a desire to rush it, and expect things to develop at a fast pace ( and I don't mean sex, I know from your past comments that you are a decent guy), remember, that does need addressing, but is by no means a Huge Fault, as you put it.

I think you eventually did get over Laura, and like I think I said at the time, only started to pay you attention again, cause she thought you had lost interest!

Like I said, I think you did get over Laura, and although you are sorta involved again, I think your feelings for her ended some time back then.

You obviously seem to know that there is no future there for you both, so it is good that you can identify how you truely feel about her now.

Lazer life is changing for us all, all the time, at 18 the world is your oyster, you are just starting to experience life, and its expereinces whether good or bad.

Don't feel that your life is hopeless, not going anywhere, give it a chance. Life is a challenge, journey, whatever, one day you will meet the woman of your dreams, but no one can say when that day will be, you just have to LIVE each day, and look forward.

Lazer you say you are not that attractive, but you are a very sensible, intelligent, sensitive caring young man. You should be proud of who you are.

Keep positive

Last edited by brook65; 08-25-2006 at 07:09 PM.

Old 08-26-2006, 05:42 AM   #4
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StenoLady1 HB UserStenoLady1 HB User
Re: Why do i suck so much at getting a girlfriend?

I'm a firm believer in the philosophy that you can't go out looking for love. Love finds you when you least expect it. You should also never settle for what you believe might be love.

You're young, starting college, about to embark on a wonderful adventure that will take care of you for the rest of your life. This is what will be appealing to many, many women, the fact that you care enough about yourself to pursue a higher education, that you're smart, that you're not afraid to take risks and pursue your dreams and leave all the comforts of home behind.

Try and enjoy all that this time of your life will offer you. Learn from the bumps and hiccups in the road before you. Make new friends now that you're at college. Check out the cool hangouts with the new friends you're making. Don't even think about love. Concentrate on yourself, on your education, on having some good fun during your college years. This will build your confidence no matter what any percieved fault might be.

The fact that you're sensitive, intelligent, educated and the fact that you care enough about yourself to use these precious years to enable a better life in the future will make you a dream catch in many women's eyes

Cheer up! You're not hopeless at all.

Old 08-26-2006, 06:37 AM   #5
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 598
MrZeely HB User
Re: Why do i suck so much at getting a girlfriend?

Yeah sorry i went to sleep after i posted that yesterday, but its not that easy for me to meet girls, and everytime i try, it doesnt work at all. The only two that ever gave me a shot were the ones that liked me first, for god knows why.

And my flaw, i dont like talking about it, and im not religious, but for whatever reason God wanted to hate me, im 18 and for some stupid reason my voice has hardly changed. Yup, now that changes everything entirely, doesnt it?

Old 08-26-2006, 07:02 PM   #6
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Baby_hands HB User
Re: Why do i suck so much at getting a girlfriend?

I'm sorry to hear your feeling this way!

I'm in your age group and I'll be honest with you..

Women can smell desperation a mile away. There is nothing worse than a guy who is desperate. The fact that your admitting it...shows me that women can most likely notice it!
WOMEN HATE IT! It doesnt matter whether you look like Brad Pitt...if you are desperate, we will run.

Women like to feel special. We like to think that...out of all the beautiful girls you have chosen her, because she is special. Your willing to put in the effort to make that known to her.Thats what we want.
And if your jumping on every interesting girl that crosses your path...its not appealing.

A little bit of "ungettable" is nice. I personally love it when I know a man is not easily interested in a girl. I like to know that I have to "work it" for his attention.

Just..relax. Dont try so hard. Dont attack women like a bear on a picnic lunch. Take it easy..and just enjoy life.

You'll become much more appealing.
Great beauty and virtue rarely dwell together.

Old 08-27-2006, 04:10 AM   #7
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Why do i suck so much at getting a girlfriend?

Originally Posted by Lazer 77
As sad as this sounds, im very desperate. Not for a girlfriend, nah, ill live, but for a female friend who actually cares for me.
Well, I guess we've already got this solved for you my friend, because I am a female friend that really cares about you, and has, for quite awhile.

So, maybe me, and a few other of us female types can be there for you until you meet the right person.
It is NOT that there is something wrong with you - you're just ahead of your own lifeline.
She IS out there, I guarantee it - Just please, as a friend, don't waste these years looking for something that is just over the horizon.
Look at where you are, and what you could do to make yourself even more interesting & caring when the right Girlfriend shows up.
Til then,

Old 08-27-2006, 05:00 PM   #8
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 598
MrZeely HB User
Re: Why do i suck so much at getting a girlfriend?

You know im really considering just being a hermit and wasting my life away inside. My phone never rings unless its a girl leading me on, which happens to be my only two girlfriends that i have had. Im either at school, at work, or at home not doing a damn thing. There isnt much out there to have fun with, im not really respected or anything, so be it. Whenever im not at school or at work, im just going to waste away my life on the internet or playing games. Whatever the hell passes my life away faster...

Old 08-27-2006, 05:20 PM   #9
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,501
KeltoKel HB User
Re: Why do i suck so much at getting a girlfriend?

Ok Lazer, now you have to STOP feeling sorry for yourself. You go through these stages when you do this and to be honest, this is the exact reason why women are not running to you. Like Baby hands said, women can smell desperation a mile away. Your life is what you make of it - and not what some girl can give you.

What gets me is that you seem to have a pretty decent life - a caring family and an opportunity to go to college. You know how lucky you are? You have NO IDEA how great college is going to be. I sense you have not started yet and are just bored with the summer months.

You are ONLY 18 years old and you have a lot of maturing to do. You have no idea what lies ahead for you but you need to give it a chance. If you choose to be a hermit, then that is YOUR choice and do you really think that is something you can decide at 18 years old?

I never had a boyfriend in high school. I didn't start to date until I got to college - and then I realized how much of a pain it could be. I didn't meet my husband until I was 24 years old - who happens to be the only man I have ever truly loved - despite having 3 other serious relationships.

Now gear up for college and stop measuring your worth on how many girlfriends you can get. Girls do not measure your worth - you do!

Old 08-27-2006, 05:32 PM   #10
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redsoxgirl2418 HB Userredsoxgirl2418 HB User
Re: Why do i suck so much at getting a girlfriend?

hey, i know that it doesn't seem fair when you get thrown a curveball and have something to deal with that you just don't like about yourself.

The thing is, you're getting a fresh start right now...because aren't you just starting college? Now is the time to put all your bitterness and inferiority-comlexes behind you and strut your stuff. All the things you've always wished you could do/be/act like? Now's the time to do it, because you're meeting a whole new group of people who are in the same boat you are--with a bunch of total strangers. You might have developed a history with your classmates, since you've been with them for so long. It's hard to escape that place where you fit in in high school. But those kids who may have made fun of you, or the ones who decide who's "in" and who's not, don't exist in your world anymore. Clean slate for everybody! Take advantage of it!

You seem to not be liking yourself very much. Think about what bothers you, and think about how you can change those things. The best way to get out and meet people is to find those who share your interests. Aren't there any activities that you can join? Colleges have tons of sports, intramurals, clubs, etc...Communities have sports leagues, dance classes, music performing groups...what do you like to do in your free time? And don't say you don't have any free time either

As for the voice thing that you describe, it's like any other flaw that other people might have with weight, height, a birthmark in the wrong place, a disability, etc--it's what you make of it. If you act like the world's got something against you and that no matter what you do, that's all people are going to notice, you are going to turn people away with that attitude more than anything else. But if you walk around knowing that you're a good guy with a lot to offer, and interact with people in a confident, relaxed way, it will make you much more approachable. NObody wants to hang out with someone who seems to have a giant chip on their shoulder all the time. Let them know that there is a good guy in there! You have to market yourself. People aren't going to dig past a hard exterior to discover what other people are like. If you don't let them know the good things about yourself, why would they want to get to know you better?

Last thing Pawel, do you have guy friends to hang out with? You shouldn't limit yourself to just wanting female companionship. A mix of guy and girl friends and maybe a romance thrown in there is really the best thing.

Old 08-27-2006, 06:15 PM   #11
Join Date: Oct 2004
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MrZeely HB User
Re: Why do i suck so much at getting a girlfriend?

Thats the problem, i did have some male friends that i would hang out with time to time. Most of them are gone to college, im here alone. My phone never rings, and i only really go out when i set up a little plan, i never really get one of those "Hey, you want to go see a movie?" calls, ever.

Its not just the whole female situation, but just life doesnt seem that promising to me. All i do is go to school, go home and do school work, go to work (which i hate), or sit at home and waste my life away online or playing games/playing guitar.

I dont know, i cant explain it. I get along with all people very well, but im terrible at meeting anyone, the only time it ever works is when someone else wants to know me. If they dont, then i cant get anything started. But seriously, school HAS started, and thats all i do, school, school work, work, nothing. Thats my life schedule.

Old 08-27-2006, 06:37 PM   #12
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eve40 HB User
Re: Why do i suck so much at getting a girlfriend?

You are very young and many girls your age are in love with an idea or an image instead of a person. That will change as you get older. You need to use this time to decide what you want in a woman. You need to be open to the many different possibilities, in women, out there. If you have some dreamy idea of perfection, the chances are good that you will spend your life searching for that particular grail, instead of discovering what love is and how to make it with a woman who suits you, your needs and your beliefs. Being open to any possibility is, I believe, one of the hardest ideas to grasp.

Old 08-27-2006, 07:46 PM   #13
Join Date: Jan 2006
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MysteriousGuy HB User
Re: Why do i suck so much at getting a girlfriend?

Lazer grow up man. I'm the same age as you are and have zerooo friends and have pretty much f***ed up social life, or should I rather say, the lack of it. I can't even be myself and enjoy myself for reasons which I do not want to discuss. You need to realize that you're really lucky man, college hasn’t even start yet and already, you're worried. I stopped worrying about my life oh about a year ago and gave up my hope, dreams, and goals of achieving that person I truly am, and have people to see that person. You got friends, what little of it, well enjoy them son, because I would do anything to be in your shoes. Your world doesn't start until college. As studies have proved, teenagers with lack of social contact or support usually have a high risk of dropping out of school and unfortunately I'm one of them. It takes every ounce of me to try to educate myself, read books, try to go out even though I have no one to hang out with, heck sometimes I go to the pier by the beach and played arcades, smoke and just chill there by myself. I read books, expand my knowledge, work on my grammar (my condition had slowed the development of my grammar and at the same time, it was my fault I didn’t worked on it harder before but I'm on the track to gain perfection). Women are pretty much least of my concern and it wouldn't bug me if any girl rejects me. I learned the hard way that you never, ever rely on girl to make yourself better, you gotta do it yourself. That is exactly what I'm trying to do, be "cool", although I cannot say I'm, by the definition of self-identify, am myself. You are what you make of it. Take it from a guy who has no sense of self-identify.

Last edited by MysteriousGuy; 08-27-2006 at 07:48 PM.

Old 08-27-2006, 08:07 PM   #14
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Baby_hands HB User
Re: Why do i suck so much at getting a girlfriend?

Not a real fan of the pity party.

I know guys like you...and...they arent attactive. Sorry man, but its not.

We want a MAN.

Not someone who caves in when things dont go his way.

You have to BE, what you want to attract.

You cant sit there whining about life...and expect to attract some wonderful girl.

Just chill out lol.

I honestly cant think of much worse than a guy who whines about wanting a girlfriend. Talking as if they just want a person to call "girlfriend" rather than considering whether they are truely ready for a relationship and such.

Its not playing house.....
Great beauty and virtue rarely dwell together.

Old 08-27-2006, 09:20 PM   #15
Join Date: Oct 2004
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MrZeely HB User
Re: Why do i suck so much at getting a girlfriend?

Its not like i complain to other people though, i hate doing that, i hate hanging out with someone just to show how miserable i am. When i feel bad, i dont talk to anyone. Its not like i have anyone to talk to at the moment anyway. That and you're saying when things dont go my way, i cant remember the last time things DID go my way.

I do have something new to look forward to, a good month into the future if i get lucky. Then again, might turn out to be me going alone.

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