Hi all! Hope you all are doing well. I have a problem similiar to Baby_hands and wanted some help.
I have known this guy for a year and a half and became close to him about the first of this year. He is 36 and I am 24. He has had two past relationships one that last 6 years and was engaged and the other that lasted a year where both girls tried to force marriage on him.
He told me does want to get married and have kids.
We went out to dinner and few times and did lunches a few times. We have emailed and talked on the phone a lot. He tells me alot about his life and work and always seems to enjoy talking to me. I asked him back in May what his thoughts about a relationship would be. He was a bit shocked and said he really liked how things were, that there were no expectations or pressure. That he thoroughly enjoyed talking to me. Then he made an inside joke to me about meeting in pj's for a glass of wine. (It's a joke that has been going on for a while that started one night when we both had had a bad day.)
He has since opened a business with some buddies on the side that actually opened yesterday. So between that and his day job he has been very busy but has made sure I knew what he was doing and everytime we talk he fills me in on as much as he has time for at that moment.
I told him one day I was gonna kidnap him and take him on a day trip so he could slow down and relax because we both have been very busy with our jobs. He told me that the thrid weekend in October would be great depending if the store takes off.
I am just really confused. He always seems to confide in me. I guess I am just wondering if this could ever turn in to more or am I just hopelessly dreaming?
lol the wonders of that "is he or isnt he" question.
Some times I guess it takes an outsider to be able to see what is going on.
It sounds to me like this guy has a fear of committment.
The fact that he was in long-term relationships with 2 other women that were heading towards marriage...and he says "they were forcing him into it". It sounds to me like they just wanted committment and he didnt want to committ. He obviously cared alot for those women..if he stayed in a long term relationship with them.
So..now he meets you. He is probably attracted to you...and probably interested in you...but he doesnt want to committ to anyone.
Thats just my take on it.
I suggest if your not happy with the way things are..and you want more from him..yet he isnt willing to take that next step...maybe you should start to lessen the amount of contact you have with him.
Great beauty and virtue rarely dwell together.
Thank you for replying!! Sometimes I really hate the dating field.
I have been single for over a year now and done the whole "finding myself" bit that everyone seems to suggest. I am very happy with who I am but ready to be in a relationship again.
Sad thing is I care a lot about this guy. However, I have been slowly pulling away from him and not talking with him as much as you suggested. For some reason I can't completely pull away because I keep getting this feeling its not over with him yet and that something good is going to happen. I haven't felt like this before. Oh well...
I am doing my best to move on and keeping all of my options open for other guys.
I guess I am being selfish and wish we could date and then he do this because I would know for sure one way or the other!! hahaha
He only wants to be friends right now. It doesn't matter why. So try to think of him AS A BROTHER, treat him LIKE A BROTHER and date others even if you don't want to. And be sure to tell him all about YOUR DATES. If that doesn't get him hopping, nothing will
Some guys really react well to the fear of losing someone. But he should never for a minute know how you really feel. That is a big mistake. Treat him like, "you want space? so do I." Just act like he's a good friend to confide in about your OTHER MEN.
Gotcha....Unfortunately I haven't had any offers for dates yet with other men. Still working on that.
Unfortunately I think by me asking him what his thoughts on a relationship I think he knows I like him. But I haven't even HINTED at my feelings since.
Oh well....I am still young so maybe one day I will learn how to do this dating thing....hahaha
Thanks for replying!! It always makes me feel good to get replies.
I'm sorry, but if a man hasn't made his romantic intentions clear, in a year and a half, there are NO romantic intentions. I'm not saying he doesn't like you, and he may even know of your feelings for him, but if you are hanging on, under the assumption that he will develop them after all this time, I'm here to tell you that it is highly unlikely to happen. He will continue to accept what you offer, after all we all love being loved, but you will always give more then you get, from him. If you can live with that, then continue on as you are now, just be aware that it closes you off from finding real love. If you cannot live with it, you'll need to end contact because you won't be able to start getting over him, until you stop seeing him. You will just continue to hurt yourself with false hope.
Thanks for the reply!
I know I am stupid for holding on to false hope. We have actually only really been seeing each other since January if you can call it that. We were friends the year before that because I was dating someone else.
The only thing is I haven't seen him in person since the end of June. And I stopped calling him in May. I wouldn't even classify us as dating its that rare.
However, I do get your point. But how do you get over someone you already have little contact with? I do everything that other posts suggest to other people. As soon as I start to think about him I immediately think of something else. I don't call him. I mean what else should I do? I guess there is a part of me that felt something would happen. guess I am in denial about admitting defeat.
If he's not treating you right, if he doesn't love you, he is not the complete package because he chooses not to be, with you. When you meet the right man, he will indeed, be the complete package and you'll be able to see the difference.