Thank you very much for helping me out with my problem. Please bear with me this post is going to be long. Last year I was at my friends birthday party, and a certain girl caught my attention. We talked at the party, but she didn't really seem interested. Fast forward a few days later, she found me on the internet and we started talking. We became close friends really fast. We would talk every, and I really felt a connection. Eventually one thing led to another and we had sex. After we did it the first time I remember her saying "I don't like to have sex with friends as it always ruins the friendship." Then we had sex a few more times the following nights. She would always make sure to tell me "don't get attached", "this is just sex", "I don't want to be anyone's girlfriend". For the past year, she always slept over, we were always on the phone, alway's knew what the other one was doing, yet we were not going out. In my mind, I considered her my girlfriend as I didn't really talk to other girls, or pursue any other women. Guess what? She didn't either. She always re-instated the fact that she doesn't want a relationship, and for me not to get attached. Well, I got very attached, more attached then I have ever been to anyone. She had some family problems growing up, so emotionally she is very unstable. Her philosiphy is "if you stay out of relationships then you can't get hurt." Obviously she has had more casual sex training then me. I would find myself getting very angry and jeoulous when she would go out at night. This was the beginning of the end. My jealousy got so bad, it was killing me on the inside as well as her. She said we have to stop having sex, well that lasted about 3 days. Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I said some really mean things about her on the phone to a friend of mine and she heard the whole conversation. I guess one of us didn't hang up the phone all the way. Here's the thing, I never say mean things about her and the one time I do she was listening. The things that were said were coming from my jeoulousy and anger at the moment, not from my heart. This girl became my other half, and I was crushed. She said she does not want to talk to me for a while, and she will never touch me again. I was devistated, I wrote her a letter, begged for forgiveness, and she forgave me. We had gotten to close to each other to let this ruin whatever it is we had going on. Now, she is firm in her message of not hving sex with me again. She sais that she doesn't want to hang out any place where we are alone, due to the fact that a sexual situation might arise. Keep in mind, we were hanging out every night for about a year. This is very hard for me to deal with and I am lost. I have strong feelings for her, on a sexual level and a friendship level. She has strong feelings for me on a friendship level only. Everytime I see her, I think about wanting to have sex with her, and it's so hard on me. She obviously want's to move on sexually, yet at the same time she values me as a really close friend. The fact of the matter is if I found out she was seeing someone else, or having sex with someone else I would be crushed. Her friendship is very important to me, but I just don't know how to make this work. What do I do? Please help?
Be a man and let her go. THEN WATCH HER COME BACK. If she DOESN'T come back she's a lost cause and will keep you miserable. Do you not have a job or other friendships?
Anyway, make sure she THINKS you may have been with another woman.
Then deny it. Don't be so darn available to her; be difficult to locate once in a while. Who knows? She could be poison to your emotional health. Don't let some broad do that. Take care of You.
Second suggestion: become LIKE HER. Convince her that she is simply a friend/sex partner and that "someday I'll find the TYPE of girl I want to MARRY." Then watch her eyes pop when you come off with That statement.
Each time you have sex with her, act like you have somewhere you have to go. Tell her she's terrific and that you REALLY HOPE she finds a husband someday.
I am shocked with the stuff people on here put up with.
Thanks so much for your reply! The thing is she is not interested in having sex with me anymore, yet she really wants to be friends, and she values our connection and friendship deeply. It put's me in a difficult situation b/c I still have feelings for her and everytime I see her I think about sex. At the same time I value her as a friend and would hate to lose her. What to do?
It is NEVER a good idea to be friends with a someone you want to be lovers with instead. It simply gives them the opportunity to use you, either intentionally or unintentionally, and gives you the opportunity to have your heart broken over and over again.
Hey bud. You really have to learn to listen to what people actually tell you, instead of just hearing what you want...
This girl was perfectly honest with you from the very start. Told you not to get attached, she didn't want to be your girlfriend. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. But you didn't want to listen. You thought somehow she would have a change of heart and fall in love with you.
Once you realized that you were falling for her and wanted her to be your girlfriend, you should have cut your losses right there. But you mislead yourself. What ended up happening was exactly what she was trying to avoid all along by being totally HONEST with you. She didn't want to be tied down, or feel like anyone owned her. Some gals you just can't cage up. So it's good that she has decided to stop sleeping with you...she sees that you can't handle it.
I'm sorry you're going through all of this heartache, but it really could have been avoided if you would have listened to her. But hey, it can be better to have loved and lost...
I'd stop hanging out with her. At least for awhile. If you feel so strongly about her, then it may not be so easy for you to just be her friend. You will only hurt yourself some more, and cause her more drama she doesn't need.
The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get closer and see that it's astroturf~