It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 08-26-2006, 09:05 PM   #1
Newbie
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 3
CapnQuiz HB User
Complicated Work Relationship

I am dealing with a tough situation. I really like a girl that I work with (I am her supervisor). We get along really well together, regular light touching, very close emotionally, enjoy work trips together and do a few things outside of the office.

She has a long-term boyfriend who is pretty much a bum. Instead of criticizing, I choose to not talk about him at all (essentially pretend he does not exist), which makes the relationship a little odd because we talk about everything else.

She has never asked me why I don't - I pretty much assume she knows that it is because I like her. However, after many months of this going on, we have never once had a discussion as to what is going on or what our relationship is about. I will say that because of my actions, she rarely even mentions the guy to me anymore.

I guess my question is this, ladies (or gents): if you are this girl, and still loved your boyfriend (and/or did not have extra feelings for your boss), wouldn't you continue to talk about him, and/or try to put some distance between yourself and your boss (e.g. stop all touching, try to not be so emotionally close) in order to show you are not interested?

I guess I find it very strange that she does not seem uncomfortable about the fact that her boss, whom she is very close to, will not even acknowledge the existence of her boyfriend.

I would be happy to share additional facts and my opinion, but I want to see what other have to say. Thanks for any and all comments.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 08-27-2006, 06:05 AM   #2
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 100
Thanksgiving HB User
Re: Complicated Work Relationship

Captnquiz,

I wish I could be with Supervisor in a differant department but we was just NSA deal but I had to stop it all for I developed very strong feelings for him.

maybe she doesn't want to kill the moment by talking about him with you. She doesn't want to bother you with her bf and be reminded of what she is doing to him behind his back. I don't know.

Why do you want to be with someone who seeing someone else????

what if she did get with you and doing the same thing to you..

 
Old 08-27-2006, 07:06 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Australia
Posts: 581
Baby_hands HB User
Re: Complicated Work Relationship

You are playing with fire

Simply put. She is enjoying the attention..and your givin it to her! Shes having her cake and eating it too!
__________________
Great beauty and virtue rarely dwell together.

 
Old 09-24-2006, 03:59 PM   #4
Newbie
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 3
CapnQuiz HB User
Re: Complicated Work Relationship

I just wanted to let you guys know that I learned she broke up with her boyfriend this weekend.

 
Old 09-24-2006, 05:00 PM   #5
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 679
Bracelet HB User
Re: Complicated Work Relationship

Whether or not she broke up with her b/f is irrelevant. You're her superior, for you to even consider dating her is just completely unethical. Doesn't your company have rules about this type of thing?

You would be a complete idiot if you did something about your feelings - UNLESS either you or her quits your job or gets transferred so there is no longer a supervisory relationship any longer.

I would personally NEVER date someone I worked with, much less my boss. Because when it doesn't work out and you're still stuck working together and seeing each other every day, it makes things extremely difficult and one of you will have to leave your job anyway. It's NOT worth it.

 
Old 09-24-2006, 09:52 PM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 648
Fabat40 HB User
Re: Complicated Work Relationship

Hi Capnquiz,

I have a staff of over 1100 and if I have a "relationship/friendship" with ANY of my staff like the ones you'd described, I'd be out of a job.

I agree with one poster here, you're playing with fire.

Peace.

 
Old 09-25-2006, 06:27 AM   #7
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 197
JBravo223 HB User
Re: Complicated Work Relationship

what type of company do you work for?

 
Old 09-25-2006, 12:04 PM   #8
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 31
ksammon HB User
Re: Complicated Work Relationship

i have to agree w.
Baby_hands You are playing with fire

Simply put. She is enjoying the attention..and your givin it to her! Shes having her cake and eating it too!

i would cut ties w. this girl //unless she gets a new job

 
Old 09-25-2006, 01:27 PM   #9
Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Wales, UK
Posts: 465
Therag HB User
Re: Complicated Work Relationship

It reminds me of a situation I was in, in 2002. A girl who I was in college with 3 years before got in touch again. She had been with her boyfriend throughout college (3 years) and they got engaged in the final year. I was attracted to her from my first day in the college, and the fact she was in a long term relationship didn't stop her from flirting with me. I was flattered of the attention. Anyway she got in touch with me, and she used the excuse that I was helping her with her university art work(her fiancee knew we were friends) We got closer and nothing more than hugging and holding hands happened. I wasn't as mature then and am ashamed to say that I didn't think how something like this could hurt her fiancee, but now I feel disgusted that this deceit could happen.

How could someone be so deceitfull towards someone they are supposed to love? I'm really glad she didn't leave her fiancee for me because a) How would her fiancee and his family react(they would obviously hate my guts) and b) How would I know she wouldn't have cheated on me too? They say 'once a cheater always a cheater'.

To be honest I feel like I have been manipulated by this girl because I spent my time helping her with her art work. And I feel that the flattery she used makes me feel this. I noticed towards the end she cooled towards me, and she seemed to be flirting with other guys. I certainly would not want to be treated this way by a girlfriend and I feel sorry for her fiancee now. I hate cheaters. She is still in touch with me. I never ever will get close to an attached girl again.

 
Old 09-25-2006, 01:40 PM   #10
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
rosequartz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 10,414
rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
Re: Complicated Work Relationship

Quote:
Originally Posted by CapnQuiz
I am dealing with a tough situation. I really like a girl that I work with (I am her supervisor). We get along really well together, regular light touching, very close emotionally, enjoy work trips together and do a few things outside of the office.

She has a long-term boyfriend who is pretty much a bum. Instead of criticizing, I choose to not talk about him at all (essentially pretend he does not exist), which makes the relationship a little odd because we talk about everything else.

She has never asked me why I don't - I pretty much assume she knows that it is because I like her. However, after many months of this going on, we have never once had a discussion as to what is going on or what our relationship is about. I will say that because of my actions, she rarely even mentions the guy to me anymore.

I guess my question is this, ladies (or gents): if you are this girl, and still loved your boyfriend (and/or did not have extra feelings for your boss), wouldn't you continue to talk about him, and/or try to put some distance between yourself and your boss (e.g. stop all touching, try to not be so emotionally close) in order to show you are not interested?

I guess I find it very strange that she does not seem uncomfortable about the fact that her boss, whom she is very close to, will not even acknowledge the existence of her boyfriend.

I would be happy to share additional facts and my opinion, but I want to see what other have to say. Thanks for any and all comments.

You really do assume an awful lot. Maybe she doesn't discuss her boyfriend with you because she is there to WORK. She tolerates the light touching because she doesn't think it means anything and it's not worth making an issue out of. My guess is she gets along with you because you work together.......she's not interested in having a relationship with you.
why would you even entertain this thought unless you want to be looked upon as unprofessional? I think you are totally misreading this relationship.

 
Old 09-25-2006, 02:02 PM   #11
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Ft. Collins, CO
Posts: 350
hypatia HB Userhypatia HB User
Re: Complicated Work Relationship

If you are her boss, maybe she feels she has to be nice to you. Do you sign off on her raises?

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
It's Complicated itscomplicated Relationship Health 1 12-22-2009 08:31 AM
Complicated Holiday Friendship #2 ErimusValidus Relationship Health 167 11-16-2007 02:30 PM
Poopie and weewie choice, complicated, not sure if need advice, but input welcome. Larrylou'smom Relationship Health 12 05-03-2007 11:59 AM
complicated apple_juice Relationship Health 11 11-06-2006 04:26 PM
Complicated Holiday Friendship ErimusValidus Relationship Health 60 04-11-2006 03:46 PM




« help ?! | Help!!!! »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:31 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!