I have never written on here before to seek advice but it is 5 am and I have a sunkun heart and I have no where else to turn. I know problems always seem a million times smaller with other peoples input so I would like to write this and hope I can get some advice/support because right now I am so hurt and lost that I dont know what to do. The man I am in love with just left my dorm room and after all our history it is clear he wil never love me back and I dont know what to do. I was always good at giving advice, I know I should stop seeing him, but I love him so much when we are together and it hurts so badly that he dosnt love me and I dont know what to do. All my family and friends are in a different city, I basically came to this university to be with him. We have a long history together, the whole time, me loving him and him not loving me. I went 3 months over this summer not seeing him, I had written him an email telling him not to contact me because I dont want to be hurt anymore, it was the most depressing time for me, but after a while I was able to move on and get back with the friends here that I had alienated to be with him. 2 weeks ago he wrote me an email to see me, when I asked him why he said becasue he knew I would say yes, it is unfortunate but it is the truth, I have never been able to say no to him. I thought we could be friends now that I was over him, But now again I find myselkf in love, once the people I was hanging out with found out that I was seeing him again, they have all left me becasue I had cried on their shoulder so much in the past that they dont want to go through it again with me, especialy because it is myself putting myself in this situation again. I need to stop seeing him, but I love him so much, the worst part is I see myself wanting to do desperate things to be with him, its not right, please someone tell me what to do. I have now alianted everyone and he is all I have now, which makes the situation worse, I feel all alone. Thank you for any responses
"This is not love this is an unhealthy attachment"
Thank you this is true and really it is up to me to stop it because he is taking advantage, I have begged him not to talk to me becaue it causes me pain and he dosent listen, it is up to me to say no, where can i get the strength??? I will have to find it
Thank you for your reponse
Believe me, I know exactly how you feel. I have been through it, too.
It's really important you take some time for yourself, take yourself out for some nice food or coffee/tea, sit alone, and make a plan for doing what's best for you.
I know this guy means so much to you, and that's why you're not ready to let go, but sometimes, you just have to force yourself to start trying and to start mourning the loss. I know it feels horrible, but keep telling yourself every day that you deserve to be loved back in the same way you love, that there is someone out there waiting for your love, and that when you're sufficiently over your current "flame," you will be open to meeting the right one for you.
Then know the mourning process will take a lot of time, but keep reminding yourself that that's okay.
The hardest thing for me was getting rid of everything that reminded me of my ex: throwing out every love letter, every photo, taking his number out of my phone, his email out of my address book, deleting every email he ever sent, etc.
But doing all that is where you start, because you're a wonderful person with a lot of love to give, and you deserve so much better than to be used by this guy.
Love comes from a place of innocence and joy; don't let him take that away from you. Out there is someone who still has some of that innocence left and who would be very happy to be with you, I promise.
I can't tell you what angers me and hurts me more then seeing people being used and abused. The one thing that is the hardest sometimes is to let go, or move on. It takes 2 to love. But if your continually being hurt, its not love. I've had this happen to me to, however i was cheated on and i physically witness'd it. Keep your head high. You don't need this, you need someone to love you the way you love them. Your young, healthy, you have alot going for you. I wish i could be in your shoes. I mean, i have a wonderful gf but she lives 2 hours away from me. And im sick, with an unknown illness. I can barely go out of the house. I love her and she loves me. But i've only scene her a few times. My healths limiting me to so many things. So you have it better then you think. I know this is hard now. But your going to find someone better and will treat u soooo much betteer and youll be happy . Its hard, hang in there . Just remember this, where and when u least expect it, it will happen and youll find someone. Just let things happen and never try and force soemthing. keep me posted!
Thank you all so much for your postings, it really helps more then you can imagine to know there are other people who have been through this. I have not been physically or mentally abused and I at least should be thankful for that although it still hurts so much to not be loved by someone I love so much. I know this sounds horrible but sometimes I wish he did do something really bad to me so that it would be eaier to break it off with him. When I tell him that it is no good for me to see him, he dosnt seem to understand and he says we have fun together. I wish I was able to just be friends with him, but he dosent seem to realize that after he leaves me he is able to go sleep/eat/study and I just spend all my time being affected by this pain not being able to concintrate effectively on anything else. I need to know an answer to my why question, "Why dosent he love me? why why why??? " this is the problem for me, I dont think there is an answer, but it keeps going around in my head over and over again, why, when I would do anything for him, why dosent he feel anything? If we have a such a good time together, why dosent he care about me? My university courses will start in a few days and I will be concentrating fully on them, I dont want to ruin my life over the way I feel, but like I said it is very difficult everyday. thank you all again, in getting reinforcement from you all, I feel more compelled to stop seeing him once and for all.
.... I have now alianted everyone and he is all I have now....
Sorry to put more fuel on the fire, but actually you DON'T have him, never did and probably never will.
It always makes me sad to see people pour their soul out in a one sided relationship. You already KNOW he won't love you back so why must you continue to torment yourself?
If you are in uni, you are too young to get hung up like this. What you really NEED is a fresh enviroment. A NEW uni, a new beginning, a new life. Don't take his call, don't answer his message and don't ever see him again. Period.
Do that and the healing will begin, otherwise you are the one putting salt into your own wounds.