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how should I bring this up? (or should I)

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Old 08-27-2006, 07:20 PM   #1
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how should I bring this up? (or should I)

This isn't the biggest of deals by any means, I guess Im just looking for some opinions.

Ive been out with this guy a few times (I guess we're "dating" hehe). He's an extremely nice guy, very sincere and treats me well and all that. He's very laid-back and doesn't take things too seriously either, which is great in my opinion, so we laugh and joke and make fun of each other in that playful way and I feel as though I could really say anything to him and it wouldn't be a huge deal.

So...with that said, how do I approach the following situation exactly?

He's not a bad kisser. Just...I noticed last night that he's a bit...slobbery. Now, in my past of starting to date new guys Ive thought this quite often- that their kissing style wasn't the best, but I'll usually attribute it to the fact that we just have to learn each other's styles and gradually mesh and all that. My last boyfriend- the super-serious one I wrote about all over this board- started out the same way where I thought his kissing was a little off...and everything turned out amazing. So again, its not the hugest of deals. And of the little bit that Ive seen, everything else in that area is fine Its just something that could maybe be...tweaked, because while I'm not necessarily totally turned off by it, its just noticeable and kind of I kind of had to come up for air

The other thing is that he is a (minor) smoker. He has never smoked in front of me, Ive never seen a cigarette, and I never smell it ON him. But I've tasted it on him twice now. I had asked him when I first noticed this if he smoked, and he says he has an occasional cigarette. I hate smoking. Im not one to NOT date someone because they smoke occassionally, nor am I going to ask someone to change for me, and its not like its in my face or even around me at all. Then that could be a problem. But the little tinge of taste is just another teeny detail that just makes things a little less enjoyable.

Anyway. Im just wondering how to approach the situation to him, because like I said before, hes a really down-to-earth type of guy and hence I feel like I could just come out and tell him; but at the same time I dont want to assume, because we did just start dating. I also dont want to be tactless or seem demanding. Any ideas?

Last edited by lady346; 08-28-2006 at 05:06 PM.

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Old 08-27-2006, 08:30 PM   #2
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Baby_hands HB User
Re: how should I bring this up? (or should I) regards to the kissing. This is always tough.

What I would do is..tell him HOW you liked to be kissed, show him how. Show him what you like. That way, he wont know that you hate his current kissing technique and he'll know what to do.

As far as the smoking goes...well....if he was a smoker before he met cant really say too much about it. Its not as if he started smoking after seeing you.

So you can either put up with it, or break it off if it is a big issue.
Great beauty and virtue rarely dwell together.

Old 08-27-2006, 08:45 PM   #3
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glamourgal HB User
Re: how should I bring this up? (or should I)

Hey Citygirl ,

I wish I could offer some good advice, but my mind is coming up a complete blank. I have been in a similar situation before. I dated a guy and at first I didn't even know that he smoked. He never smoked around me or anything, but when we first kissed I thought I detected a little tiny bit of a smoke-taste. The kiss was short and sweet, so I didn't really think any more about it until the next date. He ended up being a HORRIBLE kisser !! He was VERY, VERY slobbery and I could definitely tell that he must be a smoker. Like you, I wouldn't hold that against him or anything---I have dated someone who occasionally smoked in the past---but in combination with the slobbery, disgusting tongue-tornado, down my throat kiss......blah, it makes me want to throw-up just thinking about it!! I ended up asking this guy if he smoked, and he told me that he didn't. I found that very hard to believe, and later on (we were meeting up with friends after dinner---and by that time I was soo ready to get away from him), he ended up excusing himself to go make a "business call". When he came back he reeked of smoke--ick!! I confronted him again, and he finally admitted to being a smoker---(as well as a liar), I don't know why he wasn't honest to begin with. Needless to say, no more dates with that guy--ick!

Anyway, I thought I would share my worst kiss/date story--hehe!! Hopefully, your guy will turn out to be a better kisser like your last boyfriend did!

Old 08-27-2006, 08:58 PM   #4
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Re: how should I bring this up? (or should I)

Thanks for your posts. That was kind of my original idea- to just tell him what I like, or to kind of 'gently' ask him to be a little less...I dont know, rough with the kissing. Again, its not like he's horrible (Ive actually had ones Id call 'bad' and I wouldnt call this one 'bad'- your story was funny though glamourgal!) Its just more like I noticed it and felt a little smothered and a little slobbered on to be blunt. But Im not THAT worried b/c that can be something that is hopefully molded a bit if it continues to happn between us. Plus, the kissing situation was a little intense so maybe he just got carried away, hahaha.

But the smoking thing was a little more of a concern for me, just cause its gross to taste. He told me straight out he 'occasionally smokes' (I can't believe your guy lied, glamourgal...thats so weird) so I feel as though if I just told him point-blank that I can taste it and its a little gross to me, maybe he'd just take him upon himself to deal with that before seeing me? I dont know. We spent about 5-5.5 hours together last night and he never lit one up (that I know of, unless he went outside and puffed for 30 secs and came back in). Again, even if that was the case, theres nothing I can do, I never see it, its not in my face, it just doesnt taste good! I dont know, just wondering- if I say anything to him about it, if its going to make him feel self-conscious or something like that. But Id like to be honest about it, cause it would be great to not taste cigarette when we're in the moment, you know? And I feel like its something minor that can be avoided (hopefully?)

Old 08-27-2006, 09:10 PM   #5
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LostMyHeart HB User
Re: how should I bring this up? (or should I)

Well since you two are playful with each other, you could ask him to eat a mint before kissing you.

Old 08-27-2006, 09:15 PM   #6
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glamourgal HB User
Re: how should I bring this up? (or should I)

Tell him in a light-hearted way. Like you said, he's really easy to talk to, so just go ahead and be honest. Then, maybe he can wait to smoke when he knows he is going to be around you, or he can pop a mint in or something .

Old 08-28-2006, 04:43 AM   #7
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Re: how should I bring this up? (or should I)

I believe you should hint on both issues instead of telling him out right, especially on the kissing thang.

Some guys get a little hurt when you tell them straight to kiss differently, (you know, it kinda bruise their ego a bit).
Just withdraw a little when he gets carried away. If that didn't work, just make a joke about it. Gaging noises will do when they are suffocating you.

As for the smoky taste, just casually let him know that you dislike the taste. Hand him a mint if you get bothered by it during the moment. Better yet, you take the mint and then pass it to him during the moment.

I was less embarassed in taking the hint/mint when the same situation happened to me in the past.

Old 08-28-2006, 02:01 PM   #8
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lady346 HB User
Re: how should I bring this up? (or should I)

Good advice! Thanks, just what I was looking for... thats really cute, too, minijumbofly about the mint idea hehe. Thats exactly what I was trying to avoid, the bruising of the ego, cause I do like the guy, the little bit I know Didnt want to make him feel inferior or anything. BUt thanks, I'll casually make a joke/lightly bring up both next time if they happen again, hopefully he'll get the hint.

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