It is probably not of the newest subjects, but I have nowhere else to go and no one to ask advice from.
I live with my boyfriend for six months already, but we have been seeing each other for almost two years now. We met quite a long time ago, but we both were occupied. Second time we met...we were both free. My ex-boyfriend was still there trying to get me back and this man really helped me through all the time. He supported me, game me advice and was a very good friend. Gradually we started dating, but as we lived far away frm each other we dated just every second week in Tallinn, where he has an apartment.
I was telling all this so that you could understand that this person means the world to me. I moved from my homeland, left my family, friends and job just to be with him. But...back to the subject.
I have already found the job...so when I woke up early yesterday, when he was still asleep, I decided to work a bit. I started to look for a CD that I needed and as we have lots of them in the closet with no covers the only thing I could do is gradually check each of them. Anyways, during this search I came up with two CD of pictures of my boyfried and his ex-girlfriend in Caribia, Spain and Tallinn together with his son and her daughter. These were pictures taken during the time we were already dating. He went to Caribia as a groupleader, their company was taking some clients there. Every day he called me from there, telling me how much he missed me. And now I find out that she was there too. Well these trips are organized well before, so I thought that maybe they had the tickets when the still were together, so I let it go. Although they were sharing the same cabin there
When he went to Spain we have already been together for a year. He told me he was going there with his son. Again he called and send messages every day...telling me about his feelings to me and that we wanted to move in with me. He never mentioned she was there.
Tallinn has been the place where we have been dating together. But the pictures show that he was there with her...just in between the weekends we were having together. They even went to the party of a friend we both know.
When I asked him about it yesterday he couldn't say anything. He just said that nothing happened there, his ex was broke, as she always is, she was suicidal, he knew it would hurt me, so he didn't tell it to me. They have been his family for a while, so he couldn't leave her like that
I knew he was still supporting his ex financially...but I never knew that two years in a row he was taking her and her kid for a holiday (for his own money). We have always had arguments about his relationship with his ex. He said she is just a friend and there is nothing between then.
Now I am wondering what am I and my feelings then? Why did he think that I would hurt me and decided not to tell, then not to do it at all. How could he call me every day and not mention it... These lies have been there for over a year now and every day and every night...even when I was suspicious he always made me feel ashamed of doubting him.
Can anyone tell me what to do now. I am sure that nothing physical happened there, at least I was, but every hour makes me doubt it more. But the point is that the person I mostly believed in has dissapointed and betrayed me.
Please...help me with what should I do... I am desprate...