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Old 08-28-2006, 09:16 PM   #1
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Emilysmommie05 HB User
Help, in major crisis!!

Okay my ex and i have been broken up for 9 months he is also the father of my child, i do not think i want to be with him, but he definately wants to be back with me... well problem is i have a thing for another guy right now, and i ended up having sex with this guy, my ex has no idea, and i don't think that it is going anywhere besides sex with this guy, but i kinda have feelings for him, but i shouldn't because he is not the "serious type" he is gorgeous and has a lot of money and he knows he can have any girl he wants, plus he just got out of a relationship, sooooooo should i keep pursuing this guy? I mean if anything i do still want him to be my friend as we have known each other for about 8 years ,we lost contact and met up again 2 weeks ago, what should i do? I will NEVER tell my ex about him unless i know for sure this will become a relationship and not just sex, i will keep the sex thing to myself!!
Should i keep having sex with him?

 
Old 08-28-2006, 11:52 PM   #2
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eclipse27 HB User
Re: Help, in major crisis!!

Well, First i would do 2 things for sure. Remember your kids at stake here. I would stay with the father of your child. I don't think its appropriate what you did *having sex with another guy*. And i think if you hang out with that man you may be pressure into doing something u'd regret. If your not happy with your babys daddy, then let him know that and move on. Just remember thats going to affect your child. I'd just pray about it. THink about what you want in your future and go from there. I hope i helped. I hope you dont' take me as being mean or obnoxious. If i can help anymore just let me know

 
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Old 08-28-2006, 11:57 PM   #3
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Fabat40 HB User
Re: Help, in major crisis!!

Hon, there's nothing wrong with a "boy toy". Just keep your emotions under control, keep telling yourself that this is just for fun/sex and nothing else, wear a "raincoat", some other form of birth control would be good and don't tell your ex... he's an ex hon, he has no privileges to your life. And don't expose your child to this "boy toy".

Enjoy! And tell us about it.
Peace

 
Old 08-29-2006, 04:43 AM   #4
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minijumbofly HB User
Re: Help, in major crisis!!

Never mind your ex since he is an "EX" and you no longer have feelings for him. What you do now is your business as long as you don't give him false signals or be a two timer. Also bear in mind that he will still always be the father of your child and there need to be some grounds for him to see his child in a friendly enviroment.

As for the "boy toy" as Fabat puts it. I too remind you to take precautions, procreation should not be a just a by product of physical pleasure. And keep your expectations to just that "pleasure", not "love".

Last, this type of carefree life seems fun and enjoyable while it lasts but it won't last for ever. Be prepared for the consequences of pleasure without commitment when the passion fades.

 
Old 08-29-2006, 07:37 PM   #5
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Emilysmommie05 HB User
Re: Help, in major crisis!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by eclipse27
Well, First i would do 2 things for sure. Remember your kids at stake here. I would stay with the father of your child. I don't think its appropriate what you did *having sex with another guy*. And i think if you hang out with that man you may be pressure into doing something u'd regret. If your not happy with your babys daddy, then let him know that and move on. Just remember thats going to affect your child. I'd just pray about it. THink about what you want in your future and go from there. I hope i helped. I hope you dont' take me as being mean or obnoxious. If i can help anymore just let me know
My child is only 19 months old, so she will have no idea what is going on,. She is not "at stake" of anything, she sees her father every weekend, she has nothing to do with this, she does not even know this guy, and never will unless it turns out to be something more between us. I also have not been with her father for almost a year, so it is not like i am cheating on him, if that was the impression you got. We are no longer together!! So i an free to do as i please. My question was, should i keep pursuing the new guy, because i think all he wants is sex. So no cheating going on here, just to clarify.

 
Old 08-29-2006, 07:54 PM   #6
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LostMyHeart HB User
Re: Help, in major crisis!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emilysmommie05
My question was, should i keep pursuing the new guy, because i think all he wants is sex.
Well is that all you want?
The answer to that question will give you the answer to your question.

 
Old 08-30-2006, 07:22 AM   #7
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browneyed-babe HB User
Re: Help, in major crisis!!

If you are happy with being just a sex partner then go for it. If you want a serious relationship with this guy then forget it as you already stated he is not the type. You don't owe your ex any explanation as you are not together anymore. It is none of his business. If you think there could be a possible reconciliation between you and the ex then give it a try - at least if it doesn't work out you can say that you tried.

 
Old 09-01-2006, 08:38 PM   #8
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Emilysmommie05 HB User
Re: Help, in major crisis!!

Problem is I would love to be with this guy and i love seeing him and being around him, i mean i have had the hots for him since high school which was 6 years ago!! Longer than that 10 years because i was a freshman when i started crushing on him, and it is very hard because i like him, and i don't want to not have him in my life at all and i am very sexually attracted to him also it is soooo hard!!!!! I don;t know, i don't want to get hurt and either way i feel i am heading in that direction.

 
Old 09-01-2006, 10:44 PM   #9
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Fabat40 HB User
Re: Help, in major crisis!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emilysmommie05
Problem is I would love to be with this guy and i love seeing him and being around him, i mean i have had the hots for him since high school which was 6 years ago!! Longer than that 10 years because i was a freshman when i started crushing on him, and it is very hard because i like him, and i don't want to not have him in my life at all and i am very sexually attracted to him also it is soooo hard!!!!! I don;t know, i don't want to get hurt and either way i feel i am heading in that direction.
Dear Emilysmommie,

Okay, I got ya... I'm a single mom and I have been in the same situation as you are now. My son is now almost 20 years old.

When I first started dating or getting attention or noticing other men after my divorce, I was attracted to this one guy. At first I was afraid of being hurt. I went through a traumatic event with my divorce, so vulnerable, so hurt. I was traumatized to the point that I'm just now walking down the aisle again after 17+ years of being unmarried. It's a very scary first step on what you're about to venture, dating.

From my experiences, here are my suggestions. If you are too afraid to dip your toe into the pool, don't do it. However, once you get the courage to step down on the first step into the pool and getting both of your feet wet, just be careful. Take baby steps. I also suggest to just date. Don't go into anything more than just having an adult companion, movies, dinner or go out in a group situation which is a safer situation both physically and emotionally. Don't go into anything serious until you're ready. But as you know, part of life is getting hurt. Some of the most painful situations in my life made me feel alive. As much as I was hurting inside, I also embraced the pain because I know at that moment, I was learning an important lesson. And I also know, that I will get over the pain and start feeling myself again.

Last advice, as your baby gets older, her image of you, her father and the world will be coming from you and her father. Keep her from meeting boyfriends and girlfriends until you and your ex are extremely serious and your relationships from these other people are taking more into a semi-permanent situation. Children are so receptive and sensitive. We are all they have.

Having a "boy-toy" is fun and it takes a long time to get yourself into that emotional state. Men have done it... and women are doing it. As long as both adults understand where they stand, then all is good. But like I said before, there's nothing wrong with having one as long as it's monagomous and safe.

Good luck dear and be kind to yourself. Take baby steps and the minute you don't feel right about a man, listen to your instincts, it's there to protect us.

Peace.

Last edited by Fabat40; 09-01-2006 at 10:46 PM.

 
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