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Old 08-29-2006, 12:47 PM   #1
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jeg779 HB User
Getting Over the One you love Or waiting around to get her back ?

Sorry its sooo long..

SO My question is how to get over the one I love or should I wait for her to possible realize what she is missing?

The Story:

So, About two weeks ago, I get a call from my girlfriend who says hey come over to my moms we need to talk. So i head over there and we talk...they had a misunderstanding of what was going on with my money and why i wasn't taking my g/f out anymore. well Truth be known that paycheck i was paying security deposits and stuff because I had just recently moved and I also was saving for an engagement ring. This only happened about 2 weeks ago, and just for a further background history. We started dating in January and Fell in love and just head over heals until about June.. She broke it off in June because she wasn't sure I was for her, basically I was her first serious b/f and she wasn't use to someone being there so much.. I assume I smothered her.. so she broke my heart then.. and we went our ways.. i was living with her at that time..so I moved out and tried to move on.. went on a date here and there but was never interested always consumed with the thought and the love for her, and I even went to therapy for it... nothin changed.. then rolls around july. . . so the middle of July. i get a phone call from a number i didn't recognize well it was her, i had deleted her name and number in hopes of not being able to contact her which would only drive her away even more. She asking me if I mistakenly took something of hers .. I said nope, and she said damn its good to hear your voice do you want to come over and hang out for a few.. and I was like sure.. I had a date i was looking forward too the next night .. i didn't think much of this.
so i go over we hang out and talk and she walks me to my car, we hug good bye, but nether of us let go... we set there for 15 min just hugging and crying.. and then we kiss and she says i miss you, and i'll call you tomorrow.. so to cut this part short, we started dating but i wasn't about to move in and smoother her this time. . .but so it lasted maybe 6 weeks and we are talking about getting married the following year and getting engaged in December of this year.. all this stuff is just building up my love for her, and then the bomb.. about two weeks ago...

I get a call from my girlfriend who says hey come over to my moms we need to talk. So i head over there and we talk...they had a misunderstanding of what was going on with my money and why i wasn't taking my g/f out anymore. well Truth be known that paycheck i was paying security deposits and stuff because I had just recently moved and I also was saving for an engagement ring.. cause they aren't cheap... It was a surprise, no one new about it.. but they were questioning me about why i wasn't buying her dinner every now and this.. I said Its only been 2 weeks, Iíve just had a rough 2 weeks.. and explained to them the whole engagement ring thing and they where still not appreciative. It hurt but I figured it would be ok.. So I go out and sell some personal things to pay off a bill and to be able to spend some $ on her.. well, we did and she still acting funny distant.. won't sit on the couch with me want talk to me.. no intimacy ..So i figure maybe she is just stressed I still try and make the best of it.. so the next week she has a long week, hard working 12 hour a day for training. .. Every day I cleaned her condo, washed dishes made food and walked the dog for excursive after My work day which is about 11 hours mon-friday..and that way when she came home it was all a-ok.. she could sit and relax. It worked some days, and then the end of that week. 4 days ago.. so says.. I want a break.. I was crushed. I come back the next day to talk to her more in depth about it, and It manifested into 'its over' ..

then 2 days ago, She calls me and says come hang over.. just as friends. so i go, it didnít' work out. Not comfortable. And so i went home in tears.. after we talked about possible seeing each other again in October... now yesterday i didn't see her, which is good. I wanted too but just out of a necessity that i feel. I know thats not good.

but this morning after a night with no sleep. I got up and just started wierding out cause i was alone. . . and I grabbed some of thing and called her up and said, I need to give you somethingís. she was getting ready for work.. So i head over there give her, her things. And while she doing her make up we got to talk and she said she broke it off because she wasn't being treated like she deserved.. and i know but it was just for those 2 weeks while I caught up and worked a few extra hours... I made it up the next week .. i feel it was just too little to late in her eyes.. Whatís the DEAL!?!?!?!? whats going on, where do i go, who do I see. SHould I wait, or try and move on..

 
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Old 08-29-2006, 01:17 PM   #2
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Join Date: May 2006
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minnesotagirl HB User
Re: Getting Over the One you love Or waiting around to get her back ?

I would move on. It does sound to me like you could've been smothering her a bit more again. Sometimes, women (especially younger women) just want to catch the guy and then after that happens, the thrill of the chase is gone and she loses interest. Since you've been at her beck and call, she has no reason to desire you or find you interesting. You're always there, ready and willing. How old is she? Sounds to me like she doesn't know what she wants yet, or she has very HIGH expectations for a man that probably no man can ever fulfill. As far as thinking you're not treating her right by not spending money on her --- that's just plain ridiculous!!! What, does she only want a man for his money? My boyfriend could spend nothing on me for weeks and I wouldn't care at all. Plus, why is her mother getting involved in that? Could it be that her mother has fairy tale expectations for her daughter's mate---like, he has to be a doctor or a lawyer or rich? That's a big red flag -- the mother. Yikes. I know it hurts, but I would move on. You already started to date other women, that's great! That shows you have the potential to move on in a healthy way. I'd also look inside yourself -- you seem a bit needy for a relationship. Make sure you love yourself first, before you try loving someone else.

 
Old 08-29-2006, 01:46 PM   #3
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GypsyArcher HB User
Re: Getting Over the One you love Or waiting around to get her back ?

Whoa, dude. Hold up. Now, I'm a gal who expects the guy to pay for almost everything. But this girl actually calls you over to her mom's house and her family actually grills you on why you haven't been spending money on her and taking her out to dinner? ? ? ?

You don't think that is absolutely the most ridiculous thing you've ever experienced? ? ? ?

I'm sorry, but that has got to be one of the funniest things I've ever heard...

...And she doesn't even appreciate you! You went out and sold some of your personal belongings so you could have more money to spend on her, and you get this little gem:

Quote:
And while she doing her make up we got to talk and she said she broke it off because she wasn't being treated like she deserved..
Dude...I'm...speechless. If you don't see the the ridiculousness of the situation, I don't know what anyone could possibly say to you. This girl is never going to be satisfied. If you were to marry her, you'd spend the rest of your life running in an endless circle trying to make her happy, to no avail.

Wouldn't you like to meet someone who appreciates you? I keep having this fantasy in my head now where you go over her mom's house again, they start in on you as to why you stopped spending every last dime of yours on little princess, and you give everybody in the room the finger, tell them all to where they can stick it, and walk out. I'd pay to see that.

Now, I'm not trying to make light of your situation, but really my man - you got to put these people in their PLACE. You're getting walked all over! Not only should you move on, you should run, run, and then keep running. Then run some more.

This girl is using you. It's plain as day...
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Old 08-29-2006, 03:40 PM   #4
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jeg779 HB User
Re: Getting Over the One you love Or waiting around to get her back ?

I know everyone says that. And last time I tried. I dated other people just no sparks,and then she called me up, and we met and boom it happened again.

 
Old 08-29-2006, 03:46 PM   #5
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dewdrop333 HB User
Re: Getting Over the One you love Or waiting around to get her back ?

Sorry, can I ask how old you are?
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Old 08-29-2006, 04:07 PM   #6
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jeg779 HB User
Re: Getting Over the One you love Or waiting around to get her back ?

we both are 22

 
Old 08-29-2006, 06:26 PM   #7
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GypsyArcher HB User
Re: Getting Over the One you love Or waiting around to get her back ?

Well...clearly you like being treated like a slave. Nothing wrong with that... But you're going to be pretty miserable until you're able to see situations and people for what they truly are. I doubt this woman loves you. She wants you to work to the bone and do whatever you have to do just so that you can spoil her and shower her with gifts. That's pretty selfish. And she's just going to keep using you and dumping you as long as you let her...

You have to realize that, and in knowing that you really can't complain if you want to accept a relationship with this sort of person. If everyone is telling you how pointless it is, don't you think there is something to it? I understand you are attracted to her and have feelings, but you're being treated like DIRT. You really want to accept that?
__________________
The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get closer and see that it's astroturf~

 
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