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Old 08-29-2006, 07:32 PM   #1
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Stef457 HB User
Past Relationships: How Do I Respond??

Okay, I was never quite sure about how to answer this. I'm 29, and I never had a serious relationship - I never allowed myself because I felt very uncomfortable about my slight disability (slight speech problem and a tense upper body due to some neurological issue).

I'm not disabled and it hardly shows at all. But when I get nervous, I guess it becomes obvious, somewhat.

I'm just curious, how do I respond to such a question? I do not want to sound like a prude or an idiot. Yet, if I avoid it I may look like I'm hiding something and give the guy the wrong idea.

Also, when I guy asks me how I would respond to him if he were to see me out and approach me, at a lounge, for example, what do you think he's interested in finding out? I was talking to him the other day and he asks me, and I just didn't get what he was looking to know...what would you think about that question? And how would you respond>

 
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Old 08-29-2006, 09:12 PM   #2
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Lance0204 HB User
Re: Past Relationships: How Do I Respond??

well..you could just avoid the subject altogether, if anyone asks just change the subject. that's what i do since my past is as non existent as yours, . i actually feel uncomfortable asking women about their past; i just don't feel its my business. although its good to know certain things (like whether she cheated before, etc.) you're better off not knowing the details for the sake of your sanity (i think there was a previous thread about this, you can do a search).

 
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Old 08-30-2006, 01:17 AM   #3
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Re: Past Relationships: How Do I Respond??

Right, your past is not their business. But what's wrong with what you've just told us? Here's at least 2 guys you've told that don't think you sound like an idiot. The ones that do probably aren't worth your time (by all means I'm not suggesting that I am either :)

Quote:
Also, when I guy asks me how I would respond to him if he were to see me out and approach me, at a lounge, for example, what do you think he's interested in finding out?
Well, it depends. How long have you known this guy? If he's new blood, then probably asking whether or not you're interested. If he's a friend, he probably just wants to know what you think of his appearance or approach. That's my guess.

Last edited by caladbolg; 08-30-2006 at 01:20 AM.

 
Old 08-30-2006, 07:28 PM   #4
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Re: Past Relationships: How Do I Respond??

When you meet someone for the first time, and he asks "have I had past serious relationships," what do you think he is implying? Is he interested in me and wants to know how I've dated? Are these kinds of questions you ask when you meet someone for the first time - as a conversation?

He has told me that he is picky, and that if he sees anything a waste of time, he'll get out right away and not waste anyone's time. Coming from a guy, is this a good thing? He also said he doesn't date "just to date." What do you think of this?

 
Old 08-30-2006, 07:41 PM   #5
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Re: Past Relationships: How Do I Respond??

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stef457
When you meet someone for the first time, and he asks "have I had past serious relationships," what do you think he is implying? Is he interested in me and wants to know how I've dated? Are these kinds of questions you ask when you meet someone for the first time - as a conversation?
has any guy asked you that? i've been talking to this one girl for months now and we've talked about anything and everything EXCEPT each other's past. i really really don't want to know any details. no guy is going to ask you that, or at least they shouldn't. all you can do is just say, "i'd rather not talk about it, its not that i've had bad relationships or have bad feelings toward any guy..i'd rather not focus on the past", or something to that effect. this puts an end to it right there. not only that, you'd never convey the fact that you never had any relationships before. you didn't lie and say you had, you just didn't reveal the whole truth...

 
Old 08-30-2006, 08:31 PM   #6
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Re: Past Relationships: How Do I Respond??

I would never convey that I've never had previous relationships! Not to someone I don't know well! Anyway, I just felt that after he mentioned to me that he doesn't date "just to date," I felt he might be a serious type.

Then he asks what kind of guys I'm attracted to and then if I've had any serious relationships in the past. I felt unconfortable in a way, so I switched it over and then asked about him. But I did not ask those questions. He's studying to become a cardiologist, and he's 31.

So what do you think of these questions...is this common? No, I've never been asked this before, in this manner...

 
Old 08-31-2006, 12:24 AM   #7
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Re: Past Relationships: How Do I Respond??

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stef457
When you meet someone for the first time, and he asks "have I had past serious relationships," what do you think he is implying? Is he interested in me and wants to know how I've dated? Are these kinds of questions you ask when you meet someone for the first time - as a conversation?

He has told me that he is picky, and that if he sees anything a waste of time, he'll get out right away and not waste anyone's time. Coming from a guy, is this a good thing? He also said he doesn't date "just to date." What do you think of this?

Dear Stef,

From my experience, if a man asks me about my past and makes a judgement of me before he allows time to get to know me as I am today, I would be the one dumping him.

Hon, don't allow anybody to make you feel anything less than worthy. If another human being makes you feel inferior from the start, that's your clue to leave and wish them a good life. Then you can tell that guy that YOU don't want to waste YOUR time.

As for your "disability" I have one too that not too many people notice. I have scoliosis and one side of my hip is higher than the other and makes my butt uneven I have been and still consciencious about my butt and I try to "hide" my disability... but I discovered that the men who are worthy of my time doesn't care about my uneven buttocks... they care about the whole person, me. I am marrying one of my best friends who doesn't care about my past (I volunteered the info after a while) and our wedding is less than 3 weeks away... and about my buttocks... he knows about it and he loves that too! LOL

You are a wonderful & lovable person and worthy of being happy... don't you forget that.

Peace.

Last edited by Fabat40; 08-31-2006 at 12:24 AM.

 
Old 09-01-2006, 04:10 PM   #8
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Re: Past Relationships: How Do I Respond??

Fabat40, Thank you for the kind words. I hope the best for you as well.

I told this guy how I felt about him asking about any past serious relationships of mine, how I felt that was a bit nosy and uncalled for, and he says that he was just asking about generally experiences I've had, and nothing specific. And it wasn't his intention to offend me or anything, and I might have read too much into it.

What do you think - was I wrong to feel upset?

 
Old 09-01-2006, 04:34 PM   #9
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Re: Past Relationships: How Do I Respond??

Realizing that I have trust issues --- I, myself, would begin to get quite suspicious of someone seemed so hesitant to discuss anything regarding past relationships. I start to think that the lack of response means they have something to hide.

Same as the other post that deals with discussing the past - you should simply be honest, or straightforwardly explain you don't want to bring the past into the present and leave it at that. Without dodging the questions or being offended or angry towards the question. A simple "I don't discuss my past relationships with potential new ones" should suffice.

Not to say you were wrong - I can understand your position. Just pointing out how it may be viewed.

 
Old 09-01-2006, 07:46 PM   #10
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Re: Past Relationships: How Do I Respond??

Keeping everything that was advised to me in mind, would it be wise for me to pursue any interest in this guy? I told him flat out that I am a serious type who doesn't "mess around" and if he's only interested in that, then by all means pass me by. So then he told me he's still interested in getting to know me...thoughts? Sorry, I'm just so clueless! I go with my gutt always, but I do have the tendency of reading too much into things and thinking too much.

So what do I do?

 
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