It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 08-30-2006, 02:41 PM   #1
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: The UK
Posts: 1,315
Nina000 HB User
relationship at work, what would you do?

I don't intend to dwell on drama in my life, especially after two seriously damaging relationships, but I am curious to know what you would do in this situation.
I have a kind of indirect boss (he is only 28 though) but he is very close to my immediate boss (he is a regional manager and turns up occasionally at the office where I work). This man showed clear interest in me from the start, and from the start (two years ago), he must have known that I was not/am not remotely interested. I have declined his many offers to buy Christmas presents, to watch a DVD at his house, etc. Now this is not the issue, he is unstable but it sank finally that i was not into him at all. He is actually a womaniser in nature. What didn't sink in maybe was that I was not into his money and posh lifestyle. We had a beer together in a local pub a couple of times but that's all about it. I also used to feel quite in need of friends, so I told him once what happened (I have been once to work with bruises, 2 years ago, the bruises were because a fight with a drunk bf)

Now what annoys me is this: Everytime he is around he tries to wind me up (in front of the new boss, who I really like). He used to say many things, that I would take. But I really feel emarrassed, and I am shy in nature. But this is becoming regular, almost everytime he is in, he asks me "are you still with this SOB?" " I was going to put a glass in his face the other day" (when we were out for Christmas dinner (as an office and our partners). He says that in front of ANY body (some of them are senior managers and they would be in for a meeting).Today, he went "she supports this s--t football team because her violent drunk bf forced her to". This is not a joke for me. I really feel sensitive when he brings up this topic.

What would you do in this situation? I have expressed to him before that I was not happy to listen to this. But he becomes with an aggressive (at least unfriendly) attitude whenever I reply like that. I don't want the atmposphere to be hostile (after all, he has helped me move to my new flat, offered me his place when he was away and when I was still with Dave, lent me loads of his DVDs to watch at my flat ) but I have no clue on what to say to him. Today I just didn't reply, and he was "you see you can't reply to that". I told him that I am not wasting my time repeating myself anymore.!

Last edited by Nina000; 08-30-2006 at 02:49 PM.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 08-30-2006, 02:51 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
rosequartz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 10,358
rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
Re: relationship at work, what would you do?

nina - that guy is an obnoxious insensitive clod!!!!
I think you need to put him in his place.
maybe you could approach him when he's by himself, and say....."listen, I don't appreciate your comments about my personal life. I'm in no longer with that ex, and do not want to be reminded of him in any way shape or form. I'd really appreciate it if you'd respect my wishes."
Then walk away, like you mean business......it's not open for discussion, you don't need to wait for him to bait you.....just walk away. If he brings it up again, in front of people don't engage him, just ignore him or walk away and he will look like the idiot standing there holding the bag.

 
Old 08-30-2006, 02:59 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: The UK
Posts: 1,315
Nina000 HB User
Re: relationship at work, what would you do?

Thank you Rose for the advice. I have honestly been really firm with him once. He went quiet that hour. Then back to normal after that. It is embarrassing because he speaks infront of anyone (big mouthed women and senior managers alike). I am shy in nature in real life, and his accent is sometimes not too easy for me to understand, so I feel disadvantaged languagewise when he throws a joke that is culturally not decodable to me!!!difficult to understand and I sound like a fool sometimes. I wouldn't mind, but it's been repeated very frequently with swearing involved, not only about my ex but also about his family. (I don't care about Dave at all, but this make ME very self-aware). He told EVERY SINGLE PERSON about MY bruises for two years, for God sake!

Last edited by Nina000; 08-30-2006 at 03:02 PM.

 
Old 08-30-2006, 03:09 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
rosequartz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 10,358
rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
Re: relationship at work, what would you do?

well nina, he's just making himself look bad......he looks like the office gossip, and that's not flattering on a women, and even worse on a man.....

rise above him and don't even dignify him with a response.....

 
Old 08-30-2006, 03:25 PM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 797
eve40 HB User
Re: relationship at work, what would you do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nina000
What would you do in this situation? I have expressed to him before that I was not happy to listen to this. But he becomes with an aggressive (at least unfriendly) attitude whenever I reply like that. I don't want the atmposphere to be hostile (after all, he has helped me move to my new flat, offered me his place when he was away and when I was still with Dave, lent me loads of his DVDs to watch at my flat ) but I have no clue on what to say to him. Today I just didn't reply, and he was "you see you can't reply to that". I told him that I am not wasting my time repeating myself anymore.!
Next time he starts this, tell him you've meet someone new and have fallen madly. If he is really attracted, he won't like that one bit. Bet he'll drop the subject of your love life then, if not, then try the beer in the face. That should do it.

 
Old 08-30-2006, 04:03 PM   #6
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 468
strongernow HB User
Re: relationship at work, what would you do?

Nina- That is harassment. Report him right away.

 
Old 08-30-2006, 04:19 PM   #7
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: The UK
Posts: 1,315
Nina000 HB User
Re: relationship at work, what would you do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by eve40
Next time he starts this, tell him you've meet someone new and have fallen madly. If he is really attracted, he won't like that one bit. Bet he'll drop the subject of your love life then, if not, then try the beer in the face. That should do it.
That is clever I haven't thought of it before.

Sometimes you have just to switch off and filter out what you don't want to hear. I am glad it is not only me who thinks that he is irritating: my new manager told me yesterday when he left "at least we can have a break from him for a couple of hours" so he must know that he's a bit rude.

Last edited by Nina000; 09-01-2006 at 02:43 PM.

 
Old 08-30-2006, 04:36 PM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: kent
Posts: 1,448
brook65 HB User
Re: relationship at work, what would you do?

Hi Nina,

I would say that when you were in the abusive relationship with your ex, that this guy knew about, he was trying to charm his way into your life, in the hope that he would appear to be the kind caring man you wanted at that time! when that backfired on him, and you didn't show him any interest, he has now shown his true colours, and become aggressive and humiliating towards you.

Like Stronger said this is harrassment and he should be reported asap.

Thank goodness you didn't fall for his charms, abusers often start off as the seemingly kind caring guy!

Good luck

Last edited by brook65; 08-30-2006 at 04:37 PM.

 
Old 08-30-2006, 04:48 PM   #9
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: The UK
Posts: 1,315
Nina000 HB User
Re: relationship at work, what would you do?

Thnaks Brook
I see where you are coming from..
Nothing against him and I am not ungrateful (I am normally kind too), but the guy's way of life is not mine (he jokes about wanting to see me high on drugs ). Honestly it is not my scene. I had enough with only drunk. I would love to have had him as a friend, but again we don't match as friends. When we met up once he said that he found me strange (really distant in work, annd outside). I just guess that he was not very flattered. He is a womaniser anyway, but I just want him to stop being unnecessarily foul-mouthed and bossy. urgh.

 
Old 08-31-2006, 01:53 PM   #10
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: The UK
Posts: 1,315
Nina000 HB User
Re: relationship at work, what would you do?

Thanks for all the help

Last edited by Nina000; 09-01-2006 at 02:42 PM.

 
Old 09-01-2006, 03:20 PM   #11
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 20
thirty-three HB User
Re: relationship at work, what would you do?

I just think he is now making fun of you because he doesn't like you anymore. He does not like you now because he once did, and expressed clear interests to you, you happened to have turned him down, flat. Hence now, he wants some kind of revenge, and the only thing he could do is to make fun of you in front of all your important coworkers, and make toilet jokes about your drunk ex. This whole thing is so immature.

If I were you, I would complain to "his" immediate boss, or yours. I can see this can go on non-stop.

Good luck.

 
Old 09-01-2006, 03:29 PM   #12
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 633
LostMyHeart HB User
Re: relationship at work, what would you do?

If it were me, I wouldn't go back to work again. Point blank.
There are other jobs out there, and I for certain will not let someone make me feel bad continuously, as if there aren't other options out there.
I would show him just how much he was 'bothering' me by moving on to something bigger and better.

 
Old 09-02-2006, 09:07 PM   #13
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
rosequartz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 10,358
rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
Re: relationship at work, what would you do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LostMyHeart
If it were me, I wouldn't go back to work again. Point blank.
There are other jobs out there, and I for certain will not let someone make me feel bad continuously, as if there aren't other options out there.
I would show him just how much he was 'bothering' me by moving on to something bigger and better.

LMH you can't run away from all the azzholes in the world. Don't you know the grass isn't always greener? She could go to a new job and find a BIGGER jerk! I've outlasted at least 4 azzholes at my work that made things a little unbearable at times, but I got through it. They've moved on to other things, and it's a nice place to work again. If she leaves, you're right she would be showing him that he was bothering her....she's better off showing him she's not afraid of him and she's not going to let him influence her. Also I believe it was Eleanor Roosevelt that said "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent".

 
Old 09-02-2006, 09:59 PM   #14
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 468
strongernow HB User
Re: relationship at work, what would you do?

actually it makes sense to leave because you are not sure when the obnoxious guy is going to leave. So you cannot think in the negative view that if you leave you will find even worse jerks to deal with. That could be true but you could either file a grievance and never come back. Or you could stay in the job, file a grievance and fight this problem until the very end and until he stops being wicked.

I had to deal with something like this at my college where an instructor was verbally abusive to me and she tried to humiliate me infront of all the classmates but I got revenge on her by sending a detailed and angry grievance to her supervisor and she never acted rude to me again. Her demeanor and attitude changed 100%. So it also depends on the supervisor or boss. If the boss is a weak person or an evil person him or herself then they may do nothing and allow the abuse to continue. You have to examine your work enivornment and see if your work enviornment is evil or is it just the one person. That is what should help you determine if you should leave and never return.

 
Old 09-02-2006, 10:00 PM   #15
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 468
strongernow HB User
Re: relationship at work, what would you do?

Also examine and learn about the job place before you accept the job.

Last edited by strongernow; 09-02-2006 at 10:04 PM.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Relationship Takes a turn for the Worse..looking for advice Davids25 Relationship Health 14 01-26-2010 12:44 PM
In a long-term relationship that is about to become an "open relationship" bertrandian Relationship Health 32 12-14-2009 12:54 AM
Long Distance Relationship help please! bluesbird Relationship Health 9 02-27-2007 06:27 PM
Are our lifestyles too incompatible for a relationship? VeggieGirl Relationship Health 6 07-07-2006 03:49 PM
a really complicated relationship CC81 Relationship Health 6 05-24-2005 01:49 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (273), rosequartz (255), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (160), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (103), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1013), Apollo123 (909), Titchou (857), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (763), ladybud (755), midwest1 (671), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:51 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!