It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 08-31-2006, 11:59 AM   #1
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Canada
Posts: 17
Grabber HB User
How would you guys understand this

Would like to know from you guys how you would see this.

Dont know if this is posted to the right forum though.

Ok, i am what a can call a normal guy, have wife, 2 children, normal life.

I went to the night club the other night with some relatives (on vacation) had couples of drink, everything was fine. I happend to meet a women, very good looking women i should say. So we talked of all kind of things, she is a nice person and i think that she think the same of me. OK. Here is the situation.

There was a outside event on a sunday afternoon, nice sunny day. There was lots of peoples out there enjoying the sun and just walking to enjoy the nice day. I happend to crossed here while walking. So i was walking toward her, and she were comming on my way. When i looked at her she was looking at me right in the eyes.... never looked elsewhere. I did the same too. We were like looking at each other right into the eyes... We didnt talk to each other, i was with my wife, but she never looked at anywhere else while passing by me. Was an eye to eye contact. There was no smile no nothing, just straight looking. As we were crossing each other, she just turned her head on my direction, noticed she was still fixing...
Euh... the message i understood at that time was that she was trying to let me know that she might be interested into having something more intimate (spelling) with me in the future....

How should i understand this.... Does she have a crush on me you think ?

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 08-31-2006, 12:34 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Utah
Posts: 901
Angel77 HB User
Re: How would you guys understand this

I know it's exciting to have someone show an interest, which IMO I think she was...but stay out of the fire, it's not a good mix! You are risking losing everything if you cross that line. I think that everyone, especially after being in the monotony (sp?) of marriage wants to know they're still attractive, but knowing it, being shown it and caving into it are very different things. Promise. I learned much of this the hard way but thankfully my husband is a very kind man...or I'd be somewhere else right now.

I can't tell you what to do, I can just tell you there will be consequences if you do it or pursue it...you'd be putting your energy somewhere it doesn't belong....as well as something else possibly and it could cost you more than your marriage. The problem being, if you were to choose to engage this girl for more stuff, even 'innocent' fun, not intending it to go somewhere, several things will likely happen: *you'll be investing attention and energy into her vs. your wife a kids *you could get sexually involved, end up with an STD or new addition to your kids *you could end up losing your wife and kids *she could be a nut *you could lose the respect of those who love you, the list is huge and goes on.

I know I may have over read into what you were asking, but I sense an excitement about you in your post and excitement can get our little butts into lots of trouble and it's hard if not impossible to dig out sometimes.

So, short answer, Yes, I do think she was trying to tell you something, it's up to you to do what's right, not just what might feel right for the moment.
__________________
If you don't experience anything bad, you'll never appreciate the good when it comes around!!!

 
Old 08-31-2006, 12:53 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
rosequartz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 10,320
rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
Re: How would you understand this...

well first of all what does it matter if she has a crush on you.....you're married?

she was probably surprised to see you with a woman after you were chatting her up the night before.....

 
Old 08-31-2006, 02:28 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 1,045
desertdweller HB User
Re: How would you understand this...

Maybe she's interested, maybe she's not. Who cares, you're married!

Sheesh, I feel sorry for your wife

 
Old 08-31-2006, 05:02 PM   #5
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,034
last1 HB User
Re: How would you understand this...

Dear GRabber: So, you have a "normal life" with a wife and two kids. Normal as normal can be. So, as soon as you cross this line, your life will cease to be normal. You will endager your relationship with your wife. You will endanger the relationship with your children because of the possible divorce and be reduced to visitation rights. And you will endanger whatever financial stability you have managed to accumulate.

So, I have to ask you, in a purely non-judgmental way of course, are you out of your mind?!

You see there are other possibilities here besides the one that seems to lifting your enormous ego: She could be looking at you wondering what you wife sees in you. She could be looking at you in order to set up some rendezvous so that, when you guys are together, her pimp can come out of the woods and beat the crap out of you and rob you. She could be thinking how you would look on a spit. (Do you see the movie, "MOnster"?)

If you see her again, run, do not walk as far away from this temptation as your feet can carry you.

Last edited by last1; 08-31-2006 at 05:03 PM.

 
Old 08-31-2006, 06:12 PM   #6
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 85
beaka_sue HB User
Talking Re: How would you understand this...

I agree with most of the people on here!! You do have a wife and kids but I do know that feeling. I have them alot of the time. I am married and I get that feeling by looking at someone and know if there is that attraction there.

Sometimes it's a little overwhelming. But what you have to do is think about what it would do to your family. I do not have a family just me and my hubby but. It's not worth it to even think of what it might be like but if you do certainly do not tell anyone what you are thinking.

I agree it is hard sometimes because hello been there done that. I have had many chances but I really love my husband and think the grass might be greener on the other---WHEN HE DOESN'T DO THINGS SEXUALLY FOR ME--but I know he really loves me.

I dont know if I helped in any way or not but please write back!!

 
Old 08-31-2006, 08:49 PM   #7
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 70
HeWillBeStrong HB User
Re: How would you understand this...

This makes me really sad for your wife and children. It shouldn't matter if she has a 'crush' on you, or if she's attracted to you. To me, that's even a childish way to talk. If there are problems in your marriage that would cause you to seek outside relationships, please get help and communicate with your wife.

 
Old 09-01-2006, 05:26 AM   #8
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Canada
Posts: 17
Grabber HB User
Re: How would you understand this...

LOL, most of the posters here feel bad for my wife and kids.... I DONT !
What have i done wrong ? I was spending a nice sunday outside with my wife walking and fooling around. As for the bar, this was my first time in a bar since OMG, 10years i think. Again some relatives were in the area for summer vacation and we went out for a drink. Why would my wife be sorry of this ? She knew where i was.
I spoke to this BEAUTIFUL LADY, yes she is very good looking (have i said something wrong here...) and i never lost my place, i mean we just spoke of normal things, no cruising at all. Why would you be sorry for my wife again ?

Beaka_Sue ;
Yeah, i was embarrassed by the way she looked at me. Up to you to beleive me or not, but i have never cheated on my wife. We have been together for over 20years and everything is like the first day.

I wont pursue any relation of any kind with this person but.... i had my stomach up side down for a moment.

Come on, we are all human, what if a beautiful man i mean a real good looking man was looking at you that way.... wouldnt this trigger some kind of feeling or something....

Have a nice day all.

Quote:
Originally Posted by beaka_sue
I agree with most of the people on here!! You do have a wife and kids but I do know that feeling. I have them alot of the time. I am married and I get that feeling by looking at someone and know if there is that attraction there.

Sometimes it's a little overwhelming. But what you have to do is think about what it would do to your family. I do not have a family just me and my hubby but. It's not worth it to even think of what it might be like but if you do certainly do not tell anyone what you are thinking.

I agree it is hard sometimes because hello been there done that. I have had many chances but I really love my husband and think the grass might be greener on the other---WHEN HE DOESN'T DO THINGS SEXUALLY FOR ME--but I know he really loves me.

I dont know if I helped in any way or not but please write back!!

Last edited by Grabber; 09-01-2006 at 05:36 AM.

 
Old 09-01-2006, 06:54 AM   #9
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Utah
Posts: 901
Angel77 HB User
Re: How would you understand this...

Grabber, I replied to this on another board, it's a locked thread now, but hope you read it...I think it might have answered a few things...I do understand what you're talking about.

I have to say that when I get hit on, it's a nice little boost, doesn't mean I'm going anywhere. Geez, my husband and I were out at a club the other night and the singer of a famous music act hit on me right in front of my husband. I was dumbfounded and he was cracking up! I just stammered, told him that's my husband right there and grinned.

I am not dead and it feels great to be noticed, especially after being married for so many years. I think what you did was normal, it felt great and you never crossed any lines. I read a couple of your other posts and it seems obvious that you adore your wife...so, in my book, there's nothing wrong with accepting a compliment and geez, even enjoying it, as long as you clearly know where that line is and don't jump over it.
__________________
If you don't experience anything bad, you'll never appreciate the good when it comes around!!!

 
Old 09-01-2006, 08:23 AM   #10
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: seattle
Posts: 103
punkrokchk2000 HB User
Re: How would you understand this...

The reason why everybody felt sorry for your wife and kids was because it sounded like you were seeking out "options" with this lady you met at the bar. Yes, it's wonderful to feel wanted...but how would we know if she truly *wants* you, though? What was your original question, or reason for posting? You could have stated, "I'm in love with my wife....but I recently met a woman at the bar that seemed to be interested in me...and it felt great. Anybody else ever feel this way? Is it normal? I have no intention of cheating on my wife, but I must say it felt great!" But you didn't...you gave us the impression (or most of us, anyway) that you were wanting our approval to act on your instincts and...well....you know the rest.

TGIF everybody....

 
Old 09-01-2006, 08:56 AM   #11
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Lagos, Nigeria
Posts: 176
minijumbofly HB User
Re: How would you understand this...

Alright, so you are almost my age and still get the "look".

Congradulations, it's a good thing that it only lifted your ego and not your loins. Here's your pat on the back...pat...pat...pat.

Better yet, I think you should tell your wife exactly what happened there just for the fun of it.

Have a good weekend, Bragger, I meant Grabber!

 
Old 09-01-2006, 10:45 AM   #12
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,503
KeltoKel HB User
Re: How would you understand this...

Grabber - Are you just hoping all of us would say, "Yes, she was seducing you..." so that we can feed your ego? Really, think about your intentions to asking us this question. Who cares what the woman thought - in reality, you will never know what was going through her mind! And there was no way we could either.

 
Old 09-01-2006, 11:03 AM   #13
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 1,542
keepsgoin HB User
Re: How would you understand this...

I'm not sure what the point is...did the woman know that you were married...maybe she was hacked off to see you walking with another woman(maybe she was staring daggers in you!)...maybe by the way you guys talked before, she assumed that she had a chance with you and wasn't expecting to see you with another woman. She may have been trying to send you sexual thoughts or she may have been mad you were with someone else...who knows....All I know is that I see it as a bad sign that you are that worried about what some other woman is thinking about you to be happily married....I'm a pretty woman and I had men look me over all the time and never think two seconds about it because the last thing I want is another man screwing up my relationship with my BF!!!!!!!! I don't even want to flirt with some man because I don't think my BF would feel too great if I did and I wouldn't want him to flirt with or stare at another woman in a sexually provocative way. Just stop thinking about what other women think...the next thing you know you'll be having an affair and telling us how you've never felt like this before about a woman and blah blah blah...just like every other person that has an affair thinks
__________________
I tells it likes a sees it

 
Old 09-01-2006, 01:24 PM   #14
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 182
Shorty39 HB User
Re: How would you understand this...

Doesn't this just go to show ........what this ole world is coming to if we don't take a STAND on what we believe and the morale right thing to do. If shouldn't have even been thought about long enough to even think of a post to write about it. That would have been the MORALE thing to do and the norm. Or should be the normal thing to do. That is not for one thing meet eyes w/someone other than spouse for any length of time. Glance and keep going. Grabber you should have never even noticed that she was staring at you. Given credit where credit is due......All are human.....but are required to take a STAND for what is RIGHT

 
Old 09-01-2006, 01:54 PM   #15
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 679
Bracelet HB User
Re: How would you understand this...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grabber
the message i understood at that time was that she was trying to let me know that she might be interested into having something more intimate (spelling) with me in the future....

How should i understand this.... Does she have a crush on me you think?
You need to understand how your original question is being portrayed. After asking this particular question, your next response is this innocent "who me?" act, in which you can't understand why everyone reacted the way they did to your original question.

Anyone reading this particular question would say to themselves, Why is he asking this? Is he looking to possibly get some on the side from this woman? What's his angle? Because a married guy who adores his wife and loves his children wouldn't phrase the question that way, if that wasn't what he was intending.

Instead, he would post something akin to: Hey, I was out and about and this pretty lady seemed to be paying attention to me. It was a real boost to my ego. /End of story. But because you added in there that you were speculating as to this woman's attention toward you, it looked like you were asking everyone's opinions on how to progress things to the next level.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Helping others understand about chronic pain Aussie100 Neuropathy 42 04-30-2012 05:43 PM
Trying to Understand bearcubs Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia 3 02-14-2010 01:32 PM
help me understand (or help?) this dysfunctional relationship pigsonthewing Relationship Health 8 09-08-2008 08:39 AM
Hurting, Why dont they understand? tammym40 Fibromyalgia 7 04-23-2008 04:07 AM
living with people that dont understand or are just plain ignorant pucca_chick Depression 6 02-19-2008 06:54 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (271), rosequartz (251), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (155), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (95), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1166), MSJayhawk (999), Apollo123 (898), Titchou (833), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (758), ladybud (747), sammy64 (667), midwest1 (665), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:48 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!