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Old 09-01-2006, 04:26 PM   #1
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youngmom_2 HB User
young, married, and confused

I am really confused with my situation right now. I am 20 years old and I have two children and a husband. I am starting to think that the only reason my husband and i got married was because we had a son together and it was expected of us. Don't get me wrong, I love him, but he is driving me crazy! After the birth of our daughter he will not leave me alone. He keeps hugging on me and telling me that I'm beautiful and he loves me. i know i should be happy that he thinks so highly of me but i don't. is there something wrong with me? He is gone for 10 days on a hunting trip right now and I am extatic! But i feel guilty about being so happy. I am very confused right now. All I can think about is the negative side of him. He is a slob who never listens to anything I say! I need some advice here. I don't know what to do.

 
Old 09-02-2006, 01:38 PM   #2
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GypsyArcher HB User
Re: young, married, and confused

That's pretty tough. From the sounds of it, you aren't in love with your husband. Maybe you never were? I'm not too sure what to say. You shouldn't feel guilty that you're happy to have time to yourself. Everyone needs time alone, and you have a pretty full plate. Maybe you'll appreciate your husband more when he gets back. Then again, maybe not.

Twenty is awfully young to find yourself married with two kids. Maybe you feel resentment that you can't be free anymore. That's understandable. But you have to make the best of what you've got. I would definetly not have any more kids - at least for several years.

My parents got married because my mom became unexpectedly pregnant with me. And basically they were both miserable for years and years. I think whatever you do, stay together or get a divorce, you have to think of what is best for your children. Try to protect them from your unhappiness, and whatever happens, try to make sure things remain civil between you and your husband. I know that can be tough. Hopefully, the two of you can work together for what is best...good luck.
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Old 09-02-2006, 08:03 PM   #3
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tami52100 HB User
Re: young, married, and confused

I can really understand what you are saying I got married at 19 and had a son at 19. I loved my husband but he drove me crazy he had no jub most of the time so we was together 24/7. I wanted to be free and have a life and I felt I couldn't aslong as I was married. He had just turned 22 he had had a life going out and everything. The first couple of years was HARD we seperated a few times and what ever but we always seemed to come back to each other for some reason. I was just like you LOVED it when he was gone and HATED it when he came home.I finally told him how I felt and he understood He started giving me time alone and I was happy if it was just going to town buying groceries or him going to his families and I stayed home or me going and him staying home. We stopped spending so much time together we made 2 or 3 days a week for just us for a few hours if it was nothing but just talking going to eat anything. NOW..... Almost 6 years later I LOVE my husband more than anything in this world we are currently trying to have another baby but it is still the same we can not be together all the time we drive each other crazy. I found out later in our marriage he felt the same as I did but he didn't want to show it so he did like your husband alway hugging and telling me he loved me. He didn't want me to feel like it was my fault he was feeling the way he was so tried to hide it and in the mean time we was making it worse. So I would suggest you and hubby take an evening and talk let it all out and see how it goes. Marriage is hard being young with kids makes it harder and it takes a really strong couple to make it. You have to learn to comprimise and sometimes you lose. Do know that you can spend to much time together and everyone needs a break talking and explaining your feeling will help you if it don't work you atleast tried and if you seperate you will know you did try and maybe it will give you some peace.I do hope everything works out for you the fist few years is soooo hard and I almost ended my marriage several times but now I could not see my life with out my husband in it.I hope the same happens for you a happy and loving marriage is so much fun it is so nice. Just give it a shot if you have to talk with someone who will remain mutual both of you talk to someone counceler(sp?)preachers are free and are great help. Good luck to you!

 
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Old 09-03-2006, 09:19 AM   #4
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davidstone HB User
Re: young, married, and confused

Just tell him that you love him alot blah blah blah, but he's smothering you a bit too much at the moment etc.

 
Old 09-05-2006, 08:34 AM   #5
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minijumbofly HB User
Re: young, married, and confused

Quote:
Originally Posted by GypsyArcher
...Twenty is awfully young to find yourself married with two kids....
Not to insult you or imply that you are irresponsible and all. But in most states, they wouldn't even legally let you buy cigerattes or alcohol at your age. And you're already a mother of two. So you're feeling a little trapped and your husband's smothering you with more attention is suffocating you. Well... it sure sounds normal to me!

Everybody needs to have their own private space and time, some more, some less. So you should just tell him outright that certain activities are off limits to him. Whether it be grocery shopping or visiting your own cycle of friends etc. Also, reaffirm with him that you're OK with him out and about without you. (Like this hunting trip) If he is the outdoor type, just the hunting and fishing ought to occupy him completely if you let him.

Frankly, I think you should treasure the moment now as you are probably still in the honeymoon phase. Soon, you just might be complaining about him never being around.

 
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