I have a unique situation. I have been dating this girl A for a long while now. Our relationship ended well over a year ago, but we are just breaking up. The last year has been nothing but an argument for us both. I am past the upset part of the breakup, I know that we just weren't meant to be. But my dilemma involves her anyway. A had a friend that became a friend of mine, call her B. We became pretty good friends. Over the time I've known her, we've become better friends than A and B were. I caught myself beginning to fall for her a good while ago and at the time I was trying to salvage the relationship with A, so I stayed away. I haven't been around B in a while. But I will say that deep down, it helped me to get over A knowing that her and I would never be as comfortable together and B and I. Anyhow, I spent the whole day with B today via a new job. The feelings came back ten times over. I feel like I am falling in love with her. I have never felt so comfrotable or so much like myself around anyone else, I mean anyone. I feel like she really, truly understands me, which A never did. I also think that she at least has a small dose of the same feelings for me. It would be tough for me and her to do something like this to A, but I have to say that I feel it deep down inside me saying something is there. And let me add one more twist-- a reall doozy. Not long after I met B, A tried to set her up with a friend of ours, B liked him, but he didn't return the feelings. Then she made a drastic change. She dated a girl for several months. I was raised to respect others decisions, but I was also raised that homosexuality is wrong. B has since broken up with the girl and is kind of talking to another one. Any other girl in the world and I would say no way, get away from me. But my feelings for her are stronger than even that. I just don't care--I really, really think that I love her. I think she might be the girl of my dreams. She is everything I want and more. How is it, however, that the girl of my dreams carries this kind of baggage? Even better question, why doesn't it bother me enough to make me think that we can never be? I get a gut feeling about her that I have never got before, and it only gets stronger over time. I am at a loss. What do I do? I look at her and I see myself. I see at least a little something in her eye as well. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I was raised to respect others decisions, but I was also raised that homosexuality is wrong.
Sorry, you weren't raised to respect others, then. Things that are "wrong" are things that hurt other people. Two individuals who love each other, regardless of gender, aren't hurting anybody.
You have a big crush on this girl, but how do you really expect to love and cherish someone who, deep down, you believe is evil? I think you need some therapy maybe to get over your prejudice before actually getting involved with someone who is bi-sexual. (Do you know for a fact that she even really likes guys? Maybe she is completely homosexual).
The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get closer and see that it's astroturf~
Bendb, I'd like to add that while it's great you've been taught to respect other's decisions, homosexuality is not someone's DECISION. Tell me, when did you decide to start liking females? Ah, the usual naive mindset against same-sex preferences. How cliche. The only thing "wrong" with homosexuality is the people who thinks there's something wrong with it, and are too narrow-minded to accept gays as their equals. Get with the program.
I'm curious: what "baggage" is her sexuality presenting, and how does it adversely affect you? Listen dude, was she better of a friend to you when you didn't yet realize she was gay? Probably not. Why? Because it's irrelevant when it comes to a judge of character and personality. If you're going to let something irrelevant prevent you from being with her, then the answer to your question is yes you could be missing out on the "girl of your dreams".
Everyone is completely mising my point. I said I was raised to accet others decisions and thta homosexuality was wrong. I am a christian and that is how I feel. But first and foremost, let me say that I respect everyone. To say that I don't accept gays as equals is ridiculous--I am and never will be better than anyone else. I mean if I was that bad would a lesbian be my best friend? Don't paint me out to be a discriminant person--I am not. I'm just saying that it is something tha I will never do--that being said if others do then its none of my business and I respect that, so please understand that--I really HATE people who look down on thers for anything and I never will!! I am asking how to play this situation. I don't want to ruin a great friendship if thats all she thinks it is and wants it to be.
I agree that this is not a discussion of homosexuality.
My point is that it is not her who is carrying the baggage, it is you. And only you can decide whether you can leave it sitting somewhere and leave it be.
What I would do in your situation wouldn't count, because I am female. I would have very REAL issues about a gay or bisexual partner because his decisions on safe sex could have a very real "hurt" attached to them where my health is concerned.
This one goes right back to you - because it is you that has the issue, right?
I would have very REAL issues about a gay or bisexual partner because his decisions on safe sex could have a very real "hurt" attached to them where my health is concerned.
The notion, that only Gays/Bisexuals practice unsafe sex, is old and just downright untrue. While the numbers of HIV infected homosexuals have gone down, the number of straight women, and teenagers, infected with HIV has gone up. You would do better to worry about whether your straight husband, boyfriend, son or daughter is practicing safe sex, because they seem to be the ones who don't know what the word "condom" means, these days. It's becomming pretty clear, statistically, that the Gay community learned a lesson that the straight community never did. Perhaps, because the above quote is a pretty common misconception among heterosexuals. Of couse, the very latest stats have HIV rising in all areas of the community. The latest fears are that we may all be forgetting those lessons.
Okay, I wasn't going to touch this subject, but my boyfriend's taking his sweet time getting ready, so I thought I'd come in here and browse... but, here's my advice & opinion.
I do agree with what BetseyJean and Eve said bendb. It's you who has a problem and that having safe sex is a bigger issue here than anything else.
Nothing against Christians or those who are afraid of homosexuals, but homosexuality is not a choice, you are born that way. One of my best friends is gay and we'd been friends since we were in elementary school One day when we had a few to drink, he told me that he'd known since he was 5 years old that he was gay.... and that he didn't choose to like men, just like I didn't choose to like men. We are biologically programmed to be this way.
If this girl is your dream girl, perhaps you should examine yourself on what you can and cannot accept. Part of a successful relationship is acceptance (I think you already know that). Perhaps she may be just experimenting? Speaking for myself, I'd experimented a lot when I was young (not with women though) but with different races to see what my preferences are. I dated different types of men from old to young, to short, tall, stout, thin, Blacks, Whites, Asians, Hipanics and by doing that, I learned more about me and what I like for a potential partner. Maybe this is what she was doing. And from what I've been hearing, that's the thing to do nowadays for young people.
Good luck... maybe this is your Higher Powers way of allowing you to experiment... to see how far your acceptance of other human beings can go.
I think the title of this post is exaggerated somewhat. For the "girl of your dreams", there sure were a ton of qualifiers mentioned. The direction to take is to spend more time and find out more about her AND yourselfbefore you "fall" in love per se.
Often times, people paint such rosy pictures for themselves that they fell into their own trap. You want to believe that she's the one and you have fallen. Once you got that preconditioned into your head, there will be the tendency to push all the questionables aside and work yourself towards that "target".
This is an infatuation for now. After you confirm what she is, ask yourself sincerely if you know what you are? By then, you should have a pretty good idea to the answer of your own question.
Me and the girl I've been talking about went out last night with a couple of friends and we had a blast. I have never had that much fun with a girl in my entire life. I am seriously falling head over heels in love with this girl. We were drinking a little and I accidentally told her that I'm falling for her. I don't think I should have told her that, but I don't know--I am and maybe letting her know was a good thing. The more I'm around her, the more I see everything I've ever wanted in a girl in her. I work with her tomorrow and I can't wait to see her face again. I've never felt like this about a girl before.....